To ask why some women don't have sex with their husbands enough?

[dontstopbelieving]

Just from reading some threads I think some women don't realise how much a man needs sex. Totally on a different level to how we do but making that bit of effort not to think about how tired we are (I am most of the time) but just from my experience they don't want firework inducing experiences. Its just how men feel close and connected is by having sex. Shouldn't we make the effort to make the effort?

Re. sex during period. I have no issue with mess but I tend to avoid it as it is painful and I can't orgasm when I'm on.

MoreBeta, your post confused me. You say that, for a man, having sex is their way of expressing their love for the woman they are having sex with. Okay, but how do you explain, then, when a bloke has sex with another woman and gets caught out by DW, his usual answer is "It didn't mean anything"? Surely if sex is a man's way of showing his love, then it must have meant a hell of a lot, no?

Now if marriedsingleparent had written that post instead of op I would think a serious discussion could have happened as it is I say to this thread.

married more was taking specifically about sex between partners in a relationship not cheating, he also didnt say it was the way men showed love, he said it was linked to how men felt loved.

Quite right Huffy and gosh I wish the OP had been better worded - it's an interesting topic and there are some really interesting posts on this thread but they are hard to find amongst all the defensive reactionary stuff!

I agree with the point that I think you are making OP. I do feel that sex is a bit "use it or lose it" (and often like going to the gym or zillions of other things that I do because I know it is a good thing to do in so many ways, I enjoy them once I am actually doing them but the thought of it makes me feel tired). In particular I have to make a very deliberate and conscious effort to initiate sex as I know that it really makes my DH feel good when I do that and I love him so of course it is nice to do something that makes him feel good (buying him a bunch of roses does not seem to cut it in the same way it does for me).

I don't see why it is so accpted that many things in marriage (communication, household chores etc) require a little give and take and yet so many people do not seem to accept that about sex. Most people who post on MN are not saying "I want DP to have more sex with me whether they like or or not" they are saying that they want them to want to have more sex with them (and then do it) but there is definitely something in quantity improving quality when it comes to sex.

My biggest bugbear with the OP is the word 'enough'. WTF does that mean in this context? It's ridiculous to make assumptions about what is 'enough' for others in sexual relationships and it's ridiculous to suggest that's it's women who don't want it 'enough'.

And as for wanting firework-inducing experiences....speak for yourself/your OH, OP. I want firework-inducing experiences and so does my OH. Means we don't do it as often as we supposedly 'should' because the amount of time and energy we put it into it means we often won't go to sleep 'til 2 or 3am and will be knackered for all of the following day!

Am I the only one who boaked at the thought of doing a 69 one week post-partum, or whatever it was. Each to their own but.....lochia. That's all I could think about. I love 69s but...Jeez not then.

xstitch - yes I agree with you last post.

cannydoit - yes you interpreted my post the way I meant it.

that was very well put SarahB

I would happily shag four times a week. My DH manages once or twice. What do you suggest OP?

To those posters who were scathing about Men Are From Mars book, I'd just like to ask: have actually you read it?

And no, it's not an 'authority' on anything. Who suggested it was?

It does make a valid and interesting point, however, which I thought was worth adding to the discussion. That is, women and men approach sex differently. Simply, we're different when it comes to sex. Hardly rocket science - many 'authoritative' studies can prove it, if it comes to that.

I have read and it was a pile of wank.

Still it made him a lot of money so fair play to him.

This reminds me of an old 1970's How To Be A Good Wife book I have in my possesion.
There's a story about this couple going away on a dirty weekend, he fucks up the arrangements and they get lost, he refuses to ask for help. He gets grumpy, she snipes/nags at him - making him feel bad for fucking it up.
They arrive, have dinner, get over it and then she goes into the bathroom to 'slip into something more comfortable purrrrrrrrrr'. She appears looking like a hooker and he turns away.
They talk about it the next day and she asks 'what could I have done to turn you on?'. He replied with 'turning me on begins with kindness'.

I've read this to a few men and they have very seriously and thoughtfully agreed and thought it was a good point.

What about NOT FUCKING IT UP IN THE FIRST PLACE?!!!!??

This thread is proving that we haven't moved that much further forward have we?

Man / Woman = Human = SAME THING
Equality anyone?

I've read it too, and can confidently say that I thought it was garbage.

Yes the MAFMWAFV book just doesn't ring true to me either.

fearnelinen - I agreed with what the man in your story said too.

Because he's too bloody idle tired. No, wait....0h, I see!

the sad thing is some men don't even know their wives are shit in bed and it's not 'their fault' that they don't enjoy it until they actually leave and sleep with someone who is a good, considerate lover. some men marry the first person they sleep with.

That was me swallowedafly had a revelation about what all the fuss was about after he had left.

It's been over ten years since I read it, but as I recall, it was about both sexes trying to understand each other better, not just women understand men. However, I'm not going to defend it anymore.

Do women and men have the same sex drive, disregarding other factors? Doubtful, but maybe. But that's not the point I was trying to make. The point was about how male and female view sex differently within a relationship. Both need sex to connect with each other, but men possibly need it more, because they are less good at communicating and connecting in other ways (e.g. verbally).

It's possible that I've just unthinkingly swallowed a load of twaddle I've read, of course, but I don't think so. I will admit that this thread has made me think.

My DH has a very successful career. He achieves an awful lot within a very large organisation and lead teams and teams of people. He is able to 'win hearts and minds' and people genuinely want to work for him.
He cannot seem to organise himself to empty the bin without it turning into some kind of issue at least once a fortnight. He also doesn't appear to have the skills to motivate the children to succeed without throwing money at them.
Men are not 'less good' at communicating, they don't have to have sex in order to connect. If they did, every board meeting, in every blue chip, would have to turn into an orgy with the one obligatory woman standing in the corner quietly asking if we could perhaps talk about the headcount situation (obligatory woman is of course the HR director !).

Shit just happens, people get into routines and sometimes it's hard to break them, it doesn't matter if you're male or female. This thread is just nonsense.
BTW, we are all from planet Earth.