To be furious that a male nursery worker took DD to the toilet today

[heyhoplaydough]

I have always felt that it is inappropriate for male members of staff to change babies nappies or take young children to the toilet without a female chaperone. As a paediatric nurse I know that it is common policy for male doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals to have a female chaperone present when examining or carrying out treatments on children, if their parents are not present. Adult female patients are also given female chaperones during examinations where they are undressed. This is to protect their dignity and to spare embarrassment on both sides.

Why are these basic measures not in place in childcare settings?

On joining this specific nursery, I was assured that only female members of staff change nappies or take children to the toilet. I explicitly wrote in my DD's file, that she is only to be changed or taken to the toilet by female members of staff. Each time she has moved up to a new room within the nursery I have explicitly told her key carers the same.

I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day, like who she played with, what activities she did, what she had for lunch etc. Today she told me that the only male member nursery nurse took her to the toilet, without any other staff. She also said that she wiped herself and pulled her own knickers up, and does not seem at all upset, so I am confident that nothing untoward happened. However, I feel this was entirely inappropriate, and there were several female members of staff available to take DD to the toilet instead. I am absolutely furious that my wishes as her parent were not followed. Am I being unreasonable?

Beesimo you may have apologised for saying day orphanages but you still continue to be offensive implying those who work dont 'look after' their kids and leave them with 'strangers' for the sake of it. Its as offensive as someone saying to you 'at least in our heritage we pay our way' is it not?

Opinions like this really piss me off. A few years ago, when I was pregnant, we were walking around our town and saw a couple frantically looking for their son who'd got lost whilst they were out. As we walked further up the high street, we found a little boy who looked lost and asked him if he was. My husband wouldn't walk with him, left me to do that, whilst he ran off the find the parents. His concern was that the parents would automatically assume that he was a paedophile and was taking the boy away rather than helping him to return to his parents.

My wonderful, caring husband, who is an amazing father, was worried about being considered a paedophile because he wanted to HELP a young boy in distress. PISSES ME OFF!!

These measures do not hamper the careers of male doctors or make them feel like second class citizens.

Heyho - no they don't but they also apply to female doctors. Which is my point. The measures should be applied equally across the board.

Please can you answer the points I made. Thank you.

Sad that not only do we not bother about boys being taken to the toilet but we assume that they are perverts when they grow up - Sorry-we say they are probably NOT perverts but they are male and guilty until proved innocent (as that is impossible always guilty).

I think the OP is almost rational in comparison to a girl I know from antenatal. Her OH won't change their DD's nappy because he thinks it's wrong. Clearly that's one child who's going to grow up with a well balanced view of men.

And as another example of how sad societys attitude has become was when my OH was carrying our DS in a sling and some bloke (admittedly a pissed up one) shouted out 'paedo' at him. The believe that all men are potential paoedophiles until proven otherwise is a really sad state of affairs.

theresomethingabout, we have had the exact same problem. We were in a movie house when a little girl walked up the isle crying. Not a single person asked if she was ok (she was about 4). My DH was on the end and he got up and came to me (I was about 8 people in) to ask me to find out if the little girl was ok. Turns out she was lost and I had to walk half the shopping centre to find her Mum who was hysterial looking for her.

When I asked my DH why he had not just seen to her (he is a father of 4 sons and is a gentle soul) he said "No way in hell, the first thing people would think is what was I doing with a strange little girl".

I felt so sad for DH that stuff like this even has to cross his mind! I can tell you - you would WISH someone like my DH was looking after your child.

OP.

I am deeply offended at being classed a) part of a baying mob b) being of low intellect and c) knowing what Jeremy Kyle is.

I would lay money on my intellect being a damn sight higher than yours.

I would also like you to answer the questions I (and many others) have asked many times:

What did the nursery say?
What does your child's father think?
What do you say to my post on the last page? That when I asked my SW friend to ask her husband about 3 yr olds who are "ashamed" of their intimate parts they both replied they would immediately suspect the child had been abused at worst, or at least exposed to something very adult and beyond their comprehension.

I also retract officially the comment I made about you being reasonable.

I'm also opening a book on you being forever on here in a year's time blaming your PFB's teacher for every bit of divilspawn behaviour your child will undoubtedly exhibit.

Re:beesimo and her heritage. My grandmother hated Germans. Part of her heritage? Or because she was actually a bigot? Think on.

This thread is utter madness. FFS and MNHQ delete me if you want but it's fucking trolling and shit stirring at it's worst. Meek little trolls coming back to "apologise" and try and appear rational this morning just so they can come back and spout bollocks and wind people up again another day. No wonder people are geting fed up of all the shit on here recently.

Agree with hobnob.

I am not a baying mob-I am a mother of DSs who thinks they get a raw deal in the equality stakes.

Well I'm not ploughing through 900 posts but on the basis of your first post op you have a bit of a problem with men in general and I think you really need to try and address that. To be so suspicious of all men is not a 'normal' attitude to hold and you risk seriously impairing your daughter's relationships with caregivers and teachers.

What this boils down to is 'choice' - ( or are we living in a dictatorship now ?) - at my gp surgery I can choose to be seen by a female doctor, is that sexist? - if you start taking choice away from people you are in effect taking away their freedom - Mixed hospital wards were unpopular with the public and for very good reason - if we were all so liberal and unashamed no one would give a toss about things like that, but they do. I'm not a prude ( far from it ) but I believe in keeping certain things private and maintaining boundaries.

Exotic, it's all just part of the rich tapestry of MN bingo innit?

OP doesn't get the reaction she wants= it's not that she's U,it's that we are part of a baying mob.

Has she called anyone a bully yet?

It will come.

As I said, she'll be the first at school to be "Is my daughter G and T?" if the kid is bright enough, or "It's all the narsty teacher's fault" if the kid is a bit mincelike.

Meh.

Oh and FWIW I have 3 DS's and am curious at which point I have to start keeping them away from their sister?

And equally - men have the right to be seen by a male doctor.

I've actually got 2 bingo cards going, 1 for MN classic statements and 1 for every troll and sockpuppet appearance and isn't it amazing how some of the posters on this thread never appear at the same time as certain other posters.

hobnob- keep up! Abuse doesn't happen in families in lalaland!!!

I wonder what would happen if Dad's decided it was inappropriate for females to change their sons nappies or see their ds naked? Imagine the outcry! FFS

That is really for your DH Nuttychic but I understand his reservations as , as Exotic said, males are seen as threatening whatever they do.

DH once was told off by a complete stranger in the park where he was doing his jogging because some random children who where also in the park decided it was funny following him as he was running. The man stopped him and ask aggressively "what do you think you are doing running with children?!". Dh had not even realised he was being followed. Something really rotten in this society for men today in that respect.

On another note, Was that exact same OP not already posted a few months ago?

There was an OP like this a few months ago, yes.

Nuttychic Fri 10-Jun-11 08:23:15

"I wonder what would happen if Dad's decided it was inappropriate for females to change their sons nappies or see their ds naked? Imagine the outcry! FFS"

Point well made!

Ok then yes - safeguarding measures need to be applied across the board, to male and female staff. I will discuss this with the nursery, rather than making it about the male worker. I will also discuss the fact that they breached my trust.

I do not feel bullied. I do not agree with the mob. My views are in the minority - thats fine. I wont post here again because of the tone - not the fact that you think I am unreasonable.