To be furious that a male nursery worker took DD to the toilet today

[heyhoplaydough]

I have always felt that it is inappropriate for male members of staff to change babies nappies or take young children to the toilet without a female chaperone. As a paediatric nurse I know that it is common policy for male doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals to have a female chaperone present when examining or carrying out treatments on children, if their parents are not present. Adult female patients are also given female chaperones during examinations where they are undressed. This is to protect their dignity and to spare embarrassment on both sides.

Why are these basic measures not in place in childcare settings?

On joining this specific nursery, I was assured that only female members of staff change nappies or take children to the toilet. I explicitly wrote in my DD's file, that she is only to be changed or taken to the toilet by female members of staff. Each time she has moved up to a new room within the nursery I have explicitly told her key carers the same.

I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day, like who she played with, what activities she did, what she had for lunch etc. Today she told me that the only male member nursery nurse took her to the toilet, without any other staff. She also said that she wiped herself and pulled her own knickers up, and does not seem at all upset, so I am confident that nothing untoward happened. However, I feel this was entirely inappropriate, and there were several female members of staff available to take DD to the toilet instead. I am absolutely furious that my wishes as her parent were not followed. Am I being unreasonable?

"I would prefer to err on the side of caution with my own child, even if I got labelled paranoid for it." or, alternatively, labelled a mad freak.

Yes, I am outraged! Did it show?

For what it's worth, this is the (slightly ranty and incoherent) complaint I have just sent to the radio station. I don't expect they will bother to reply. They did say, rather disparagingly, on the show that people were "queuing up" to tell him he was wrong, at which point his co-host twittered "oh but lots of people agreeeeee with you". I noticed they didn't read out any of the negative responses though:

I would like to make a complaint about the comments by the male presenter on Heart Breakfast this morning - I assume it was either Bush or Troy. I was listening to the radio while driving my son to nursery and I was appalled by the comments by this presenter about male nursery staff.
Obviously he is entitled to have a "personal preference" as he asserted more than once - but an issue stops being a matter of personal preference when someone high-profile chooses to make it a matter of public comment.
His comments about not liking the idea of male nursery staff were unpleasant enough, but his comments to the male trainee nursery nurse who was interviewed were beyond the pale. How is it possibly appropriate to tell someone to "pack in" there chosen career on the basis of their gender, and to follow that up with a suggestion that "the stigma will follow you".

This presenter was irresponsible and, to be blunt, came across as quite ignorant. One minute he makes a comment about not wanting his daughter to be looked after by male staff, the next he asks a nursery manager why more men don't enter the profession. Quite clearly, the answer is "because of attitudes and prejudices like yours".
The recent case of nursery abuse has unfortunately further whipped up the ever-growing "paedophile hysteria". Some parents are genuinely convinced that every man is a potential abuser. And yet one of the most high profile cases of nursery abuse involved a woman, Vanessa George.
I am a criminal lawyer and have dealt with many cases involving child sex offences, all deeply unpleasant. I find it staggering that, in many cases, the restrictions that people feel should be placed upon CRB checked male nursery staff are more onerous than those imposed by court order on restricted sex offenders in relation to their own children.
Your presenter is entitled to his own opinion and, yes, as a "paying customer" of a nursery he is entitled to make a choice according to those preferences. However, he really should be asked to think very hard about whether those personal preferences are an appropriate matter for public discussion. If he had said that women shouldn't do some traditionally male job, all hell would have broken loose by now. If he had said that he didn't want a member of a particular race looking after his child, he would probably already be clearing his desk. But men are fair game apparently. As the mother of a young son, I dread to think what attitudes will prevail by the time he has children of his own. Perhaps no man will be allowed unsupervised access to his own children on the basis that he has the potential to abuse by simple fact of his gender.
This is the first complaint I have ever made to any media organisation. I would like to hear this presenter apologise to the trainee nurse whose career aspirations he disparaged on public radio, and to any other male nursery workers who have no doubt been deeply offended and distressed by his comments.

exotic- under the law the child has a right to a care plan governed by the parent. It can include diet, religion and personal care needs. I don't agree with the OP btw, in the case of a verbal non SN child. Other than that i think the policy of two workers protects everyone. I was involved in an investigation were a child had been abused (not in the nursery) but the nursery and all of the workers had to be investigated obviosly, it was very traumatic for some of the staff.

I can only imagine how maddening this type of prejudiced ignorance must be for the mothers of boys. I have daughters and it's making my blood boil.

Well done for making that complaint KFP.

And another thing that has occurred to me. Yes, I know, my blood pressure is probably reaching dangerous levels!

When nursery staff abuse, we tend to hear about it. There have been, what, three such cases in the last couple of years. Correct me if I am wrong. How many nurseries in the UK? Thousands - one info site refers to over 11,500.

How many cases of child abuse in the home are investigated each year? I am betting the proportion is considerably more than 3 in over ten thousand.

I think that's good kfp. Apart from being stupid and ignorant, rubbishing a young man's ambitions is dreadful and he deserves an apology. I fucking hate those Jeremy Kyle wannabe presenters.

There's nothing wrong with men working in nurseries - I certainly wish there were more male teachers in primary schools - this isn't a 'can't do the job' issue, it's a safety issue. Camera phones are no Longer allowed in nurseries to safeguard children - I didn't see all female nursery workers complaining that they were being labelled potential child abusers - they accepted the new rules and got on with their job.

Fucking hell is this still going

Impressive.

Heyho, where exactly would you like your lifetime's supply of cotton wool delivered?

This isn't a baying mob mentality, and I'm actually offended that you think that, not only of myself, but of some people I deem very sensible and intelligent. And to deem us "lacking in intellect", just because you don't share our views is quite worrying. Is that how you raise your DD? Do you tell her that anyone who doesn't agree with her is stupid? Do you call her stupid if she doesn't agree with you?

If you were deemed a pervert, or such, for any career choice, you would, I can guarantee, be on here kicking up such a stink, demanding not to be prejudiced against for your career.

What would you do if, for whatever reason, the male nursery worker had been the only one available to take her to the toilet? Would you rather she wet herself, and stayed in urinated clothes until a female nursery worker became available?

You are sending a message to your DD that men are something to be scared of. This is going to result in a pretty messed up DD. And it will be all your fault.

BALTIMORRA

For Primal and others who do not think males nursery workers should help girls in the toilet: where do you draw the line? Should males allow girls in the nursery to sit on their lap? Should they cuddle an upset child, help them change their clothes if they get wet?

I suspect each of you might have a different view on exactly which activies are acceptable. Should a nursery allow every possible restriction each parent might choose?

Won't be long now before this one drops clean off the screen...

Into oblivion...

"I didn't see all female nursery workers complaining that they were being labelled potential child abusers - they accepted the new rules and got on with their job."

I bet you would have seen a fair bit of outrage if it was ONLY female nursery workers who were not permitted to use camera phones. Safety measures across the board are one thing, prejudice against one sex or the other is quite another thing.

where it belongs...

So are FEMALE staff ok to take boys to the loo ? Or is it just men the problem.

What is actually amusing me about the OP of this thread is the way she persists in presenting herself as someone who is sane and entirely rational in her original stance and asserting still that it must be the 7 million others who are pointing out how unreasonable she is being who are wrong.

Is it nice over there in cloud cuckoo land, OP?

Oh, and can you just explain how comparisons to racism aren't relevant, please?

Lol @ wardrobe

AIBU

Yes
Yep
Bat Shit Crazy U
Hell yes
etc
etc

OP - No I'm not. You're all stupid.

Does that about sum it up?

I might just tell DS's key worker that I don't want a female member of staff taking him to the loo or changing him if he gets wet. Don't want them getting their sexual kicks from my DS, after all

This isn't just a nursery issue anyway - how many situations allow a man to be alone with a young child? You have to accompany your dc now just to see father Christmas.

Thank you, OnlyWantsOne... and another post towards the total... Mwaahaahaa

Thats because of hysterical harpies like you and the OP primal who have to turn everything into yet another 'peeedddo emerjuncy!!!'

Primal, totally different scenario. Father Christmas is not ofsted registered, or providing a care setting. And, even when I was little, Mum had to accompany me to see Father Christmas. Nothing to do with him being a ragi8ng paedophile