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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want dh not to take my best mate out with his work colleagues

101 replies

Hormonalmoaner · 07/06/2011 23:00

dh told me that a group of his colleagues were going to go and watch the motor racing at the weekend and asked if I minded him going too. Of course I said I didn't. Then, later, he apologised for not inviting me and asked if I wanted to go. I do like motor racing but we couldn't take dd (she would freak out at the noise) so I said no as I'd rather not abandon her for the only full day I get her in the week. Then he tells me he's invited my (gorgeous single) best friend along. (he's gone to races with her before and I haven't had a problem with it) The other guys going are taking their partners along. They have never met me as he's only been in the job a couple of months.

AIBU to not want him to take her? It will cause a fuss if I put my foot down on this, But it feels like a couples thing to me (obviously not to him) and I'm gutted that he's invited her.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 07/06/2011 23:04

You aren't being unreasonable, seems weird they would meet your friend before they have ever met you.

People are going to think they are having an affair no matter what they say.

Icelollycraving · 07/06/2011 23:07

I would not be happy about this situation at all. I think you should say you feel uncomfortable with it as his colleagues will meet her before you. You could say to her how you feel.

Doha · 07/06/2011 23:10

Hell --no way would l be happy about that and l am surprised that your DH and your friend think that is acceptable.
He goes on his own or not at all

troisgarcons · 07/06/2011 23:12

It's a trust thing.

Do you trust him? do you trust her?

You are the one who put up the childcare issues ......

coppertop · 07/06/2011 23:15

Doesn't he have any friends of his own that he could ask?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/06/2011 23:16

You're kind of stuck, OP. If you put your foot down it will look odd. Can you not get somebody to look after DD for that day so the three of you can go to the races?

sunnydelight · 07/06/2011 23:17

YANBU. Not sure why your "best friend" didn't check with you that you didn't mind either. It would be different if it was a gang of your mutual mates but a bit odd with YOUR DH's colleagues.

QueeferSutherland · 07/06/2011 23:19

Eek, no. Weird.

K9999 · 07/06/2011 23:28

It depends I think on how much you trust both DP and your friend and maybe in an illogical way how close they are as friends outside of being known to each other via you, IYSWIM. My closest friend is male, his DP has no issue whatsoever with us going places together. In fact I'm 'on his arm' at a function held by his family in a couple of weeks time. If your DP and this woman are good friends independently of the your own friendship with her I can't see the issue. I can see it however if they aren't really buddies in their own right.

squeakytoy · 07/06/2011 23:30

I would have asked my mate to babysit, and gone out with my husband.

Original poster
Hormonalmoaner · 07/06/2011 23:31

It's not that I don't trust them, it's how it will look to his colleagues... And she is a size 8 6ft blonde godess and I'm a size 16 dumpy and disabled.

They have often gone to races together since I had dd as she can't drive and he doesn't like to go on his own and motor racing is one of the many things that no longer seem interesting to me since I have dd in my life.

I think the only way out is for me to go too but, assuming my mum will have dd, I'm going to resent every minute I have to be away from her :-(

OP posts:
K9999 · 07/06/2011 23:32

Sorry, HM, I demoted your husband to DP. Blush

Original poster
Hormonalmoaner · 07/06/2011 23:38

Now there's an idea K9999, can I demote him too :) I think he's cross that I'm upset about it. Which makes me more upset about it.....

OP posts:
Lonnie · 07/06/2011 23:44

OP how old is your dd?

QueeferSutherland · 07/06/2011 23:45

HE should have asked her to babysit.

Hormonal, how old is DD?
Have you had any time away from her?

Original poster
Hormonalmoaner · 07/06/2011 23:45

4 and autistic

OP posts:
Original poster
Hormonalmoaner · 07/06/2011 23:46

I work full time. I have far too much time away from her :(

OP posts:
wellwisher · 07/06/2011 23:48

I see where you're coming from, OP, BUT I quite often see threads on here where the problem is clearly down to the OP putting her love for her children before her relationship with their father, and I think this is one example. Your DH would like you to be with him for a couples' outing with his work colleagues and you have chosen not to go, even though you could. He probably feels hurt and rejected, and he may feel that your absence makes him look bad in front of his colleagues, whose partners are all making the effort to be there - I'd be feeling humiliated in his shoes.

YABU about your friend going - it's not as if he asked her first! He has invited your friend because he gets on with her and wants a plus one for this event, but you were his first choice. I wouldn't be surprised if a tiny part of him enjoys you feeling jealous, hurt and rejected now, and I suspect he sees it as a taste of your own medicine!

Leave your daughter with your mum and don't be "resentful" or "uninterested" about a day out with your husband! In 20 years your DD will probably have moved out and be dodging your phone calls. Your DH, if you stop taking him for granted and start making an effort to spend time with him, will still be there.

Original poster
Hormonalmoaner · 07/06/2011 23:48

They both know I wouldn't really want to go. Neither of them see it as at all weird that they would go together so it wouldn't occur to them that I might not be ok about it in this instance.

OP posts:
QueeferSutherland · 07/06/2011 23:48

Oh, ok.

Would your Mum be happy to have her? Is she ok with your Mum?

Please don't be offended, but it strikes me as odd that you would resent being away from her for a day! Would you not like a break?

You say you have lost interest in stuff since she was born. Do you and DH ever do anything together, besides parenting?

RabidRabbit · 07/06/2011 23:50

It really is quite strange. Why on earth would she, your best friend, and he, your DH, not suggest that she babysits so that you can go and spend time with DH, and meet his work colleagues, before she does? She is going to look like his partner.

No. Doesn't sit right with me.

QueeferSutherland · 07/06/2011 23:50

X posts!

I agree with wisher.

worraliberty · 07/06/2011 23:52

Leave your DD with a sitter and go with your DH

I know it's your only full day with your DD but sometimes things like this come up.

Original poster
Hormonalmoaner · 07/06/2011 23:54

No, he did invite her first! Asked me if I wanted to come as well as an afterthought.

But I do put dd first. And always will.

OP posts:
RabidRabbit · 07/06/2011 23:55

Do they do other things together?

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