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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this woman was unacceptably rude

183 replies

pamelat · 07/06/2011 20:14

On holiday last week with DH and DC.

DH tells me of the following encounter .

DD (3.4) helping herself (he was lifting her up) to the buffet food. She wasn't messing about but is slower than an adult, she was helping herself with a large serving spoon to something or the other.

Woman comes up, removes the server from her hands (no word muttered) helps herself to the food and then puts the serving utensil back down and walks off Shock

She wasn't British (German I think) but surely with or without language barriers this is utterly unacceptable.

DH says both he and DD were too shocked to say anything.

It wasnt as though there was a large queue, it was a help yourself buffet and no one else around.

Surely she could have waited!!

OP posts:
MissVerinder · 07/06/2011 20:14

YANBU, that was very rude.

grumpypants · 07/06/2011 20:15

God no, she was fine. It would massively p*ss me off to have to wait while some one indulged their toddler at the buffet table. Yuk. Sorry.

Original poster
pamelat · 07/06/2011 20:17

A child is a person in their own right, surely!!!

There were other serving things for other food.

Just checked with DH, it was grated carrot that DD was trying to get, someone can live without grated carrot surely.

It was all inclusive hols so the cow woman could have got back any time for anything.

I am so annoyed with myself for not confronting the hag lady.

OP posts:
seeker · 07/06/2011 20:19

I can imagine if I was in a hurry I might say "Please could I just have some of that - sorry, I'm in a rush" Or I might have asked your dd to serve me some. But I wouldn't ahve just taken it out of her hands.

squeakytoy · 07/06/2011 20:19

Hmmmmmm, had your DH been holding up the line while he let your daughter slowly get her food... that would probably annoy me, but I certainly wouldnt snatch a utensil out of her hand, that IS rude.

zukiecat · 07/06/2011 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

londonone · 07/06/2011 20:24

FFS a toddler is a person, but a toddler is not a person competent at serving themselves from a buffet. I think you were being indulgent, just serve the kid some food and move on.

Original poster
pamelat · 07/06/2011 20:25

and not even hand it back to her!

No queue, huge buffet.

I am going to spend the next 10 years wishing I had said something. Apparently DD just said "silly woman" once she had got over the shock. I wish the "silly woman" had been there to hear that Smile

No rush necessary, all inclusive "family" resort (so if the woman hated kids she shouldnt have gone there) with people just sat around in the sun, no rush on.

I wondered if it was a cultural thing, maybe children being given less priority elsewhere, but it looks as though its considered fairly ok by MN too Sad

I would never do this to anyones child. If someone is holding up your grated carrot, surely you go without or wait your turn. Just because someone is learning to do something, you don't just speed ahead and potentially shatter their confidence?

Would people think its ok to do the same to someone with a disability, or someone elderly (because they were making you wait a minute longer) or is it only children that we are prepared to treat as second class citizens?

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/06/2011 20:26

I think had I been letting my toddler serve herself, I would have let other people go in front and picked up the spoon again when she was finished. Children are much slower, they have to learn, it's true, but the woman could have been given the server to help herself first.

You can't say 'nobody needs grated carrot' when that's the thing your daughter was after herself, OP. :)

Original poster
pamelat · 07/06/2011 20:27

how will they ever learn to become competent (she is anyway) but how will she learn to become quick without practise.

She has as much right as anyone to the food. She cost the same price for the week as an adult too Shock being over 2.

Maybe we should only snatch food from under 2's? Blush

OP posts:
lilolilmanchester · 07/06/2011 20:27

if someone can't wait for a toddler to help themselves at a buffet table, then they should go to a child-free resort. Very rude. I could understand impatience a little more if it was someone on a limited lunch hour rushing back to work (even then, no need to be rude, just explain, "would you mind... " ) but on holiday? Very odd.

BehindLockNumberNine · 07/06/2011 20:28

Whilst the woman was rude and should not have taken the spoon out of your dd's hands I agree with her sentiment. A toddler helping herself at the buffet table is cute when there is no queue. If there are other people waiting then it is a massive indulgence allowing her to hold others up.

Original poster
pamelat · 07/06/2011 20:28

DD didnt eat the carrot Smile no one needs the carrot. There wasnt a queue!!

DD just wanted it because it was pretty.

No queue, people can around, come back to bits etc, its all free.

OP posts:
Original poster
pamelat · 07/06/2011 20:30

Shes 3.4. It doesnt take her much longer than an adult. Shes a little girl really, not stupid.

Now if I had been letting my 12 month help himself, thats a different matter and would not be sensible for hygeine purposes Wink

OP posts:
CurrySpice · 07/06/2011 20:31

I was at a similar resort last week OP and my kids (admittedly older) went and served themselves and were sometimes slow

If someone had done that to either of my DDs I'm afraid they would have got the rough side of my tongue. So bloody rude and all about how fucking important she considers herself.

If I had been the woman I might have rolled my eyes and gone and got something else in the meantime, but to take the spoon out of their hand?!?! Really really rude Angry

TBH if I were you I would have been cross with DH too for saying nothing :o

BehindLockNumberNine · 07/06/2011 20:33

No queue then YANBU - woman was rude.

Hope you enjoyed your holiday (apart from the weird woman incident)

BootyMum · 07/06/2011 20:33

YANBU.

I agree this was unspeakably rude and wouldn't be tolerated if the person was disabled or elderly. So why is it okay to behave rudely to a child?

She should have waited her turn. Os if she was in an immense hurry she should have asked if she could quickly serve herself some [in an apologetic way].

To grab the spoon without uttering a word of explanation or apology is appalling behaviour.

Oh well, at least you can take comfort that your 3 year old is the one with better manners and refrained from shouting "Stupid woman" at her Grin

MadamDeathstare · 07/06/2011 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CurrySpice · 07/06/2011 20:34

I have to say though, many European nations don't have the almost anal reverence respect which we have for the queuing system - it just isn't part of their culture so they don't realise how it can make a Brit seethe. It makes my blood boil every time

MadamDeathstare · 07/06/2011 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lecce · 07/06/2011 20:38

On the whole I agree with you that she was very rude.

However, something about the tone of your post is making me lean towards YABabitU. Are you really going to be thinking about it for the next 10 years? Grin. Are you sure your dd's self-esteem will be 'shattered'?! YABVU to say that others can go without a food item simply so that your dd can take her time learning to serve herself.

It does sound as if you and dh were being a little indulgent. Of course a 3 year old is a person but they can be very slow and I'm sure your dd's self-esteem would have remained intact had your dh explained that other people may be in a hurry and asked her to let others go first.

How can you possible know that "no hurry was necessary"? Maybe the woman had a dd of her own on the brink of tantrum waiting for some grated carrot. Maybe, as you suggest, she didn't speak because she thought your dd and dh wouldn't understand.

She does sound very rude and, no, I certainly wouldn't have done what she did but maybe then wasn't the time to let dd practise using the serving stuff.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/06/2011 20:39

I far prefer people who are acceptably rude.....

CurrySpice · 07/06/2011 20:40

MadamDeathstare - there was a queue though - the OP's DD and this woman. That's a queue no? Wink

This woman was behind the DD in the queue and therefore should have waited her turn.

beesimo · 07/06/2011 20:50

Personally I would of said to my DD 'move out the way honey there is a lady in urgent need of a carrot' taken the spoon handed it to the woman with a flourish.

'I am so sorry was my child getting in the way of your piggish behaviour I do beg yer pardon' and smiled nicely.

Woman would of been ball of confusion 'did I hear that right, no she didn't say that did she?

Watch them squirm is B's method

seeker · 07/06/2011 20:53

SHe should have waited. But I do think you are being a bit ..dare I use the word "precious" about this? I really don;t think it's going to shatter your dd'e self confidence!

And I do think that generally, children should defer to adults. But as you said there was no queue, she should have waited.