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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this woman was unacceptably rude

183 replies

pamelat · 07/06/2011 20:14

On holiday last week with DH and DC.

DH tells me of the following encounter .

DD (3.4) helping herself (he was lifting her up) to the buffet food. She wasn't messing about but is slower than an adult, she was helping herself with a large serving spoon to something or the other.

Woman comes up, removes the server from her hands (no word muttered) helps herself to the food and then puts the serving utensil back down and walks off Shock

She wasn't British (German I think) but surely with or without language barriers this is utterly unacceptable.

DH says both he and DD were too shocked to say anything.

It wasnt as though there was a large queue, it was a help yourself buffet and no one else around.

Surely she could have waited!!

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 08/06/2011 12:26

Learn to comprehend, Peaches some people are disagreeing with the OP, that's all.

incontinentia · 08/06/2011 12:30

I agree. would do the same myself. overindulged spoilt brats are the bane of holidays and supermarkets. get a grip people!!

Lovecat · 08/06/2011 12:35

So if I was dithering over the buffet (I have a tendency to go a bit 'rabbit in the headlights' when faced with a mahoosive spread), it would have been okay for this woman to take the spoon out of my hand?

No. It would be damn rude, and it was damn rude of her to do it to a 3.4yo. Cultural differences notwithstanding. And I've have said a lot more than 'silly woman' after the event...

YANBU and I'm really surprised that people think you are BU. Although perhaps a teeny tad U for not saying 'wtf (or words to that effect) do you think you're doing' to her at the time...?

But do tell me, OP, I'm dying to know, did you think when it happened 'this is one for MN' and then store it up til you got home? It does seem a rather long time to be brooding on it otherwise! :o

Ormirian · 08/06/2011 12:35

Goodness why are some of you getting so cross? Confused

Taking something out of someone's hand when they are using it without a word of explanation or apology is rude. And I think that 'silly woman' was quite a mild comment in the circs.

I should just let it go though. Life is full of unaccountably strange people.

saidthespiderwithahorridsmile · 08/06/2011 12:35

Confused at a child serving herself a helping of carrot at a buffet being a "spoilt brat"

Thank god I hardly ever meet people with these attitudes IRL

PeachesandStrawberry · 08/06/2011 12:39

Lying witch.

I have learned to comprehend. Thank you very much.

People are also misreading the OP.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 08/06/2011 12:40

I don't think they are, Peaches, they're disagreeing. That doesn't mean that the information hasn't filtered through.

blackeyedsusan · 08/06/2011 12:47

she was rudeand impatient and a silly women.

Beaaware · 08/06/2011 12:50

Could be worse, I witnessed a tramp picking up a large spoon from a help yourself salad bar in a well known supermarket then put it in his mouth and replacing the spoon back into the salad, lovely!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 08/06/2011 12:52

I won't go to buffets... I was in a well-known supermarket, pondering their salad bar, was watching the choices of somebody selecting stuff... and saw something fall out of their nose. I didn't stick around to find out which container it had fallen into either... Confused

LDNmummy · 08/06/2011 13:10

"She was rude.
Your husband was being unreasonable holding the queue up to indulge a child who wanted food, not to eat, but because it was pretty. Precious doesn't do it justice.

You have time at home, when presumably there is no closing time in the dining room to teach her to use a serving spoon."

Totally agree, and the above stories are why I don't trust open buffet's, yuck!

PatriciatheStripper · 08/06/2011 13:15

DD didnt eat the carrot - DD just wanted it because it was pretty.

You should be teaching your children how to behave at a buffet. That they should only take what they want to eat, and no more. Eat what they have taken and then if they wish, go back for more, or for something different.

It always sickens me to see people pile their plates as high as they can - usually much of the food is wasted as their eyes are bigger than their stomachs. I've even seen people piling desserts on top of the salad and savoury items. These are people who have not been taught as children how to treat a buffet meal.

HeadfirstForHalos · 08/06/2011 13:18

YANBU, she was rude.

Even if she was getting antsy waiting, there was no need to snatch a utensil from a toddler!

So what if a 3 yo was being indulged by being allowed to serve herself? It's her holiday too. People should learn to be more patient with children, we were all that age once.

Had it been heavingly busy I might think differently, but it wasn't. The lady could have gone past the dc, got the rest of her stuff, then nipped back to that bit when the child was finished.

HeadfirstForHalos · 08/06/2011 13:22

Helping yourself to your own food at a buffet is over-indulged and spoilt? Just because she is 3? Does this wisdom extend to the adults serving themselves? Or to disabled people who perhaps are also a little slower?

The child wasn't being naughty, brattish, or throwing food around, etc, she was just being slow.

HeadfirstForHalos · 08/06/2011 13:23

And again, seeing as some people seem to have missed this point, there was no queue!

seeker · 08/06/2011 13:27

If I had been the woman I would have said "ooh - please could you serve me some of that while you're doing yours?" But I always talk to children.

this could have had the useful side effect of reducing her to floods of tears and they I would have had the buffet all to myself (Mwa-ha-ha) and not a court in the land would ahve convicted me.

I think that in most circumstances children should defer to adults. But in this case I think the woman was thoughtless and rude. But I just can't understand "shaking with fury" about it.

HeadfirstForHalos · 08/06/2011 13:32

saidthespiderwithahorridsmile

The woman was unbelievably rude and selfish. Almost as unbelievable as some of the posters on here saying that it was OK to snatch because the snatcher was an adult and children should defer to adults

Yes I agree.

Had it been that the woman had snatched the utensil from one of the childs parents I doubt there would be any "yabu"s.

Anyway, what's wrong with a 3 yo wanting a carrot because it's pretty? On holiday especially when you're supposed to have, you know, fun? My 2 girls would think flower shaped carrots were fantastic, and would want one, they aren't spoiled though.

Sounds like a good strategy to encourage carrot eating to meGrin

exhausted2011 · 08/06/2011 14:20

Never mind how queueing is viewed in different cultures/countries.
This has nothing to do with a queue.
The woman snatched it out of a child's hand.
That is not acceptable in any culture I know of.
the child has as much right to the food as the woman

It's rude, end of
Yeah, yeah, it's not going to leave lasting damage on the child, but the OP is saying "but surely with or without language barriers this is utterly unacceptable?"

BimboNo5 · 08/06/2011 14:33

I would have been hopping mad tbh. Why are people saying 'from a different culture..dont do queuing...' fgs? If it was in the UK would it all of a sudden be unacceptable rather than being just one of those cultural differences? I would have been very cross if anyone dared do that to my child and both of mine would have said something TO the snatcher as they know about waiting turns/not snatching etc so they would be very angry if a GROWN UP came along and did it to them!

seeker · 08/06/2011 14:37

I don't think anyone is saying that the woman wasn't rude or that she was justified. But "hopping mad" and "shaking with fury" and all the rest just seem a bit extreme. Yes, she was rude. But sometimes people are. Move on.

Hullygully · 08/06/2011 14:39

kill her

it had to be said

BimboNo5 · 08/06/2011 14:45

Why is it? I bring my kids up to have manners and be pleasant human beings. To be pushed aside or snatched off by grown adults with no manners makes me mad- so sue me!

BimboNo5 · 08/06/2011 14:46

And the 'some people are like that- move on' could be applied to anything so is a pathetic argument. (some people are thieves- oh well, move on some people are just like that)

in3minds · 08/06/2011 14:48

OP - 'utterly unacceptable' fgs - move on. If that is the least of your worries you are very very lucky. And so many people here are clearly so indulgent of their kids. There are rude people in the world - rude kids, rude adults. Deal with it, get over yourself and don't be rude yourself!

nancydrewfoundaclue · 08/06/2011 14:49

here in the middle east queuing is unheard of. Little old ladies will elbow you in the ribs to get to the counter before you, respectable looking business men will barge you out of the way in their haste to be served. Both however, on sight of a cute kid, will pluck them out of your arms and march them straight to the chocolate and sweets at the buffet, possibly buy them an ice cream and if you're lucky entertain them whilst you have another drink.

Not sure what my point is other than chose your holidays better?!

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