to think this woman was unacceptably rude

[pamelat]

On holiday last week with DH and DC.

DH tells me of the following encounter .

DD (3.4) helping herself (he was lifting her up) to the buffet food. She wasn't messing about but is slower than an adult, she was helping herself with a large serving spoon to something or the other.

Woman comes up, removes the server from her hands (no word muttered) helps herself to the food and then puts the serving utensil back down and walks off

She wasn't British (German I think) but surely with or without language barriers this is utterly unacceptable.

DH says both he and DD were too shocked to say anything.

It wasnt as though there was a large queue, it was a help yourself buffet and no one else around.

Surely she could have waited!!

What BehindLocker said. Yes, the woman was rude and I wouldn't dream of taking the serving spoon from the DCs hand (not least for fear of admonishment from the parent in charge!) but equally it was indulgent and rude to not tell your child that of course she can serve herself but she must wait and let the lady/others go first.

Yanbu but it made me laugh a bit

The woman wanted the carrot though, OP and your daughter wasn't even going to eat it. Yes she was impatient. I have relatives in Germany and they don't understand queueing, nor do they put the whims of a child first.

You're free to indulge your children as much as you like but when it comes to other people, they're not always going to co-operate with that. Some people are quite impatient with children.

I didn't really like your reference to the woman as a 'cow' and a 'hag', OP. Nor your daughter referring to her as a 'silly woman'. I would chide mine for doing that, it's disrespectful and you'll rue the day when your daughter blurts something like that out in future in the wrong place.

Oops.

I think you and her WBU. No she shouldn't have taken the spoon out of your child's hand, but you shouldn't have held up the queue by letting a 3 year old serve themselves. And if she was waiting, it was a queue. It doesn't matter if there were lots of other choices of food - she wanted carrot as did your DD.

My experience of German women is they wouldn't put up with a parent indulging their child in this way. It would have been fine if no-one was waiting to have some carrot, but as she was you should have served it yourself or went to another bit of the buffet and come back to the carrot later.

But I do think you are blowing up a small incident into a mountain. It is one of those little annoying things that happens, really not a big deal.

'Here Madam, I'm SO sorry, is my daughter serving herself in front of you in the queue??? I do apologise. Would you like me to ask a waiter if he could lend you your own spoon, so you aren't inconvenienced should you encounter another queue at breakfast?'

All very well being wise after the event though. I would have been so gobsmacked I'd have been shaking with fury.

YANBU

Carrotgate. Too tragic.

She was rude. But was she unacceptably rude? Maybe she has an urgent need for carrot. Could we get a carrotometer?

I am sure if you are still fretting in 10 years time about something that you didn't even witness but heard about 2nd hand from your dh, you will be sorely in need of a hobby.

3 days ago my dd fell into a swimming pool. A man sitting 10 feet away watched her. Didn't move, didn't help her, didn't even move as she pulled herself out frightened and crying.
I was miffed but I wouldn't have still been annoyed enough to have my knickers in a twist hours, let alone days, later.
He was a cock. People can be.

YANBU. Especially as there wasn't a queue to hold up, just one rude woman who couldn't wait a few seconds for bit of grated carrot.

And surely she could have used a different spoon from some other salad item, something like the lettuce that wouldn't have been covered in dressing or mayo etc, where it wouldn't matter if you used it for different salad items.

And honestly, if anyone would actually "shake with fury" at something like that they really really need to get a grip, some perspective, a hobby and a sense of humour. Not necessarily in that order.

grumpypants two wrongs don't make a right, what example is she setting. She should have said please can I use the server, I am in a hurry or found another one.

She sounds like a rude twunt, but some people do to seem to morph into this 'centre of own universe' type on holiday. I can only suggest you identify her towel and flick it into the pool each morning.

Why didn't your DH take the serving spoon back from her when she took it out of her hands? If I was holding a child and someone 'snatched' something from them I would take it back.

That made more sense in my head I think - What I meant was Why didn't your DH take the spoon from the german lady when she took it from your DD

Spoon snatcher eh ?
I would have punched her in the throat BAM -'thats for my DD'
Kicked her in the ribs BAM - 'thats for jumping the queue'
Stomped on her paper plate of food STOMP - 'thats for invading Poland'

OldMacEIEIO

Whilst I'm sure that to you, your DD is a hygenic, sweet gorgeous little carrot eating angel, I know that not all 3 year olds are quite so hygenic Therefore if 'I' witnessed a 3 year old elbow deep in the carrots (was it JUST carrots or was there a smidge of orange in there as well?') I'd go 'uurggh - has that child washed it's hands....'
I wouldn't grab the spoon though as that is a bit rude but I do think your reaction is a 'little' bit OTT

what a strange thread. i've not read any reference to anyone being elbow deep in anything, and if that was a problem i imagine she wouldnt have wanted any carrot afterwards.

if she'd been stood there waiting for a while i'd have some sympathy. it would still be rude, but not insanely so. to walk straight up and snatch without any hint of making your carrot emergency known, without a sorry, i really MUST push in etc, its rude as hell. i'd have no problem with mine saying they were a silly woman in those circumstances. kids are allowed to express opinions sometimes. i remember my son telling me someone was a naughty man for pushing in front of us in the supermarket. i said yes, he was rude wasnt he, its not nice to push in. and i would have told my DD that this woman was very rude to snatch from her too. otherwise they'll grow up with some sort of survival of the fittest approach to life that we spend so long knocking the corners off to make society function.

To you perhaps it was insanely rude. But you need to get a grip, a big one. You think she may have been German, but you're not sure.

Ever been to Russia? I suggest you go, you'd love it. People physically push you out of the way, push ahead of you in queues and are really fucking intolerant and tut and roll their eyes when you don't understnad exactly what they're getting at even though you don't speak Russian and they know it.

That behaviour is not reserved for the tourists, they do it to each other.

There are cultural differences that perhaps means what the woman did wouldnt be rude wherever she came from.

Maybe the woman had SN.

Maybe she was on a restricted diet and could only eat root vegetables or orange foodstuffs. Perhaps as a result she was suffering from low blood sugar that affected her mood and turned her into a 'hag'.

If, as you believe, she was German, maybe she was panicked into believing the only way to avoid E Coli poisoning was to lay off the cucumbers and beansprouts. You didn't say whether you were in Spain, but if you were, this could have had a significant effect on her behaviour.

How did your DH know she was German? Does he speak German? Was she doing other typically German things such as hogging the sunbeds and requesting appalling Eurodisco tunes from the poolside DJ?

People from middle or eastern Europe cannot be easily identified if you don't speak their languages or are in a holiday situation where no-one is wearing national dress. Could she have been from one of those nations recently allowed into the EU who now distressingly swamp our foreign holiday resorts?

I can't possibly be expected to deliver an opinion without answers to the above questions.

However, I'm heartened by this bit of info from you:

DD didnt eat the carrot no one needs the carrot. DD just wanted it because it was pretty.

Before reading that I was worried that your DD was the kind of child who actually likes carrots. Then I would have really judged you.

Luckily, either it's a wind-up or you're the kind of parent who expects everyone to be as enchanted with your DC as you are yourself. What an astounding coincidence that you met someone equally self-centred.

That could have been a chance to bond. What a shame you missed it.

No harm done: I'm sure there were enough chicken nuggets and garlic bread on the buffet to ward off starvation.

Someone suggested Germans don't queue - can that possibly be true?
Queueing is efficient, surely?
What system do they use?

She was rude.
Your husband was being unreasonable holding the queue up to indulge a child who wanted food, not to eat, but because it was pretty. Precious doesn't do it justice.

You have time at home, when presumably there is no closing time in the dining room to teach her to use a serving spoon.

However you look at it, she was rude. She treated your DD as a non-person and didn't even have the courtesy to give her back the serving spoon, therefore she was even ruder.

SINCE THERE WAS NO QUEUE then I think it is fine to allow your DD to practise her skills and the woman should have just served herself with something else first, or at least asked for the spoon. Rude.

discobeaver - many Germans don't queue (ditto Italians, Portuguese and probably many other Europeans). It caused problems at Eurodisney when it first opened.

I work with the public en masse every day. We have a queueing system (long snake Q like the post office leading to a number of desks. Signs in many languages stating you should wait until called forward) and you can tell peoples nationalities from their queueing behaviour. Brits/Aussies/NZ can't see a barrier without wanting to duck under it, Dutch and French schoolteachers cannot maintain discipline, and can't understand why they should. AND GERMANS CAN'T QUEUE, they just don't get it, Respectable middle aged, well dressed Germans who you can have a reasonable conversation with are very puzzled about a queue and seem to think that the most efficient way to behave is to barge to the front. They elbow, push and rush forward and once they are throiugh they will stand and make polite conversation with the person they have just almost rugby tackled to get past.To English eyes its all very bizarre, but they do not perceive they have done anything wrong.

By the way - why post on AIBU if you won't accept "YES" as the answer?

OK,there was no queue.

She was still rude, and the OP is still unbelievably precious, (and tbh, must lead a very tranquil life to get her knickers in knots over this. Gawd help her when PFB starts school....)

Takesresponsibility...I am about to go out (have packed me sandwiches and me thermos, me emergency rations) and witness first hand Italians not queuing. I have to go and pay for a hospital visit for dp, and have been told by a friend that I have no chance of completing it today as apparently I should have been there, not queuing, by 7am to have any hope. I may be some time!)