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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this woman was unacceptably rude

183 replies

pamelat · 07/06/2011 20:14

On holiday last week with DH and DC.

DH tells me of the following encounter .

DD (3.4) helping herself (he was lifting her up) to the buffet food. She wasn't messing about but is slower than an adult, she was helping herself with a large serving spoon to something or the other.

Woman comes up, removes the server from her hands (no word muttered) helps herself to the food and then puts the serving utensil back down and walks off Shock

She wasn't British (German I think) but surely with or without language barriers this is utterly unacceptable.

DH says both he and DD were too shocked to say anything.

It wasnt as though there was a large queue, it was a help yourself buffet and no one else around.

Surely she could have waited!!

OP posts:
slhilly · 08/06/2011 14:56

I find all these comments about how it's ok to queue-jump someone because they're 3 to be really weird. At what age does it stop being OK? 7? 13? 18? Is there some weird queuing subculture I've never heard of in which the 55yo goes in front of the 45yo?

tbh, I think people push in front of kids for the same fundamental reason that they smack kids: because might makes right. They're bigger, so they can, so they do. The moral indignation that accompanies it is just so much flummery to excuse this basic motivation of "I want to exert my power by being mean to someone else"

seeker · 08/06/2011 15:02

I don;t think anyone has said that it was OK for the woman to do what she did. In fact I think everyone has sais that she was rude and shouldn't have done it. I do think that what people are saying is that it was an unpleasant incident, but hardly life changing, and this sort of thing happens. There's nothing the OP or anyone else can do about it now - so, as I said, move on.

slhilly · 08/06/2011 15:10

seeker, I wrote "OK to queue-jump" rather than focusing on the snatching the spoon out of hand. I wasn't directly commenting one way or another on the OP, I was commenting on later posts.

Hullygully · 08/06/2011 15:10
slhilly · 08/06/2011 15:11

btw, there are indeed a couple of posts saying it was OK for the woman to do what she did.

Original poster
pamelat · 08/06/2011 15:11

not got time to read all of these bits as despite some strange assertions that I dont have a life (!! erm excuse me do you not recognise that I am laughing at myself about it. I am hardly upset about this, annoyed yes but not life changing, what a strange think to think!!)

If I was upset/stricken about this then I would not post in AIBU - I thought this was about laughing at yourself and others. However, I refuse to accept (in a stubborn way, yes) that we were in the wrong but I do not actually really care

Its over, we were right (maybe I was wrong to post in AIBU as by its nature you are meant to accept maybe you were wrong) and we are better people than her and yes that is flippant and I really think other people need to take life less seriously.

Most importantly, there was not a queue. DH went up with DD, the tables are big circular things with many food types etc etc. This woman (and I assert my right to call her a cow/hag as she was being) went up and did this. Its so rude as to be laughable.

I am concerned only at the number of people on MN who did not think that 3 year olds are old enough/competent enough to serve themselves food!!

DH speaks basic German, just GCSE sort of level, and thought she was German. I only mention her nationallity as to whether its a cultural thing to treat children differently. Maybe we do pander a little to children here but I would rather pander (spl??) to anyone at any age than take a serving spoon from anyone, old, infirm, young or simply dirty Grin and I may need to reassess whether my sarcasm is too subtle for some.

OP posts:
Original poster
pamelat · 08/06/2011 15:14

PS) I dont mind my daugher saying "silly". She does it in a jokey way, encouraged by me. I even call myself "silly mummy" at times and often call her silly sausage/silly billy etc.

I would rather her stick up for herself than be respectful to those who dont appear to deserve it.

Theres a lot of harm (am social scientist) done by always trying to be nice, esp for little girls. Assertiveness will get her far.

OP posts:
Original poster
pamelat · 08/06/2011 15:15

ps) I would say 50% of posts condone her ....

really go have to go, youngest is emptying cupboards, maybe he'll fine me a life !! (Between my job, study, hobbies and house stuff)

OP posts:
Original poster
pamelat · 08/06/2011 15:16

PPS) I have never said shaking with fury or hopping mad?!

OP posts:
Hullygully · 08/06/2011 15:18

pore ol pamelat.

ignore all the Oooo you should lock your child in a cupboard and let everyone else at the carrot, they just like having a go about anything and making those self-righteous, yet ugly, cats bum mouths.

in3minds · 08/06/2011 15:21

'I would rather her stick up for herself than be respectful to those who dont appear to deserve it.'

nice attitude!

wudu · 08/06/2011 15:34

Grin at this thread

You are a funny lot

HeadfirstForHalos · 08/06/2011 15:35

Why should you show respect for people that don't deserve it? If someone wants respect they should earn it.

PeachesandStrawberry · 08/06/2011 15:36

I agree OP.

I don't know where these people have come from who want to put words in your mouth and who think that it's acceptable for a grown person to be rude.

They must all be joking.

saladfingers · 08/06/2011 15:36

I'm with Hullygully on this one
shoot her or at the very least offer her a few slices of a killer cucumber or some deadly beansprouts to go with her snatched carrots
personally i've always known that healthy stuff would turn out to be bad for you in the end

Hullygully · 08/06/2011 15:38

Yes! Oh how she will rue her greedy carrot manoeuvres as she writhes in e coli agony.

mollymole · 08/06/2011 15:40

The woman was VERY rude IMO - remove the word child and insert person -
your daughter has to learn and is just as entitled to serve her self as anyone else -
to those who complain about her 'holding up' a non existant queue would you complain about a disabled person or a slower elderly person
chill out and wait - what else have you to do on holiday that cannot wait 2 or 3 minutes

HeadfirstForHalos · 08/06/2011 15:41

"Killer cucumbers" and "greedy carrot manoeuvres"Grin

PeachesandStrawberry · 08/06/2011 15:44

Exactly.

Are they all having a laugh?

Shoesytwoesy · 08/06/2011 15:46

omg this has to eb the funniest thread I have read in ages :o

PeachesandStrawberry · 08/06/2011 15:50

I know

olderandwider · 08/06/2011 15:53

YANBU the woman was rude. Insert the word aged/disabled/anyone else who might be slower than average at serving themselves and you get why it was just rude.

It's hardly indulgent to let a 3 year old kid chose something at a buffet, especially when there was No Queue when she began the carrot-selection process.

I don't know what holiday place you were at OP, but my experience of holiday buffets is that some guests take no prisoners and will stab you with a fork to get at the last kingprawn Grin. I think your DD got off lightly.

emptyshell · 08/06/2011 15:56

Hang on... the woman was behind you waiting to get to the carrot of supreme drama?

That's one person, behind another person, in wait of a service?

Isn't that... a queue?! A small queue, but a queue nonetheless.

I'm sure your child will get over her enrichment opportunity being interrupted by carrotgate and may well even emerge into adulthood not needing years of therapy to get over this incident.

needanewname · 08/06/2011 16:04

There was no queue!!!!! 2 people does not make a queue!

FFS why couldn't thew oman have waited for 2 minutes, is she really that important.

Extremely rude behaviour by this woman, your DD and DH did nothing wrong, how are children supposed to learn how to serve themselves?

needanewname · 08/06/2011 16:05

(am now waiting for various people to tell me that 2 people does actualy constitue a queue or to ask me how many people it does take to make a queue)