To be pissed off that dh had a lapdance?

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My dh went out with friends at the weekend and I found out that they'd been to a lapdancing club and paid to have a dance. They took it in turns for this girl to 'perform' for them.

To me, having someone gyrating in your face (who is not your partner!) is as bad as sending someone a dirty text.

Strip/lapdancing clubs never used to bother me that much until I saw a documentary a few years ago about girls that are trafficked and end up in places like these with men perving over them.

AIBU to be upset he went to one of these clubs let alone paid to have a dance?

There was a club 'tricky dickies' but it links to the male strippers so obviously shut down.

I've been in pubs/restaurants and at parties where female strippers have been booked and they have been 'amusing' in the same way that male strippers are. Basically turning up in a uniform, doing a cheesy act and then doing something which involves squirty cream and playing cards down their pants at the expense of the recipient's dignity.

I think when women are togetherthey make it a joke as if you acted serious it would feel a bit wrong cause you the women are touching them in the crotch area, grabbing them, rubbing them up and down etc. If they didnt do the laughing and the 'woo' noises (all the women used to do this on ladies nightsevery time!) then I think it would look a bit dodgy and less socially acceptable

I think coco us women go for a laugh not for sexual kicks. Men go for many reasons, mainly their mates have egged them on, or is for a sexual kick.
Most friends DH who have had one where to pissed up to even know what was happening

I know that curry I was commenting about the OP if I put it wrong apologises :)

what about all the stories about women shagging male strippers after the 'act'?

I guess we'll blame the men for that also.

Women get turned on at these things as much as men ime if they are attracted to the men.

For a man or a women to have sex with someone else while married or attached is wrong. I hate cheaters. Scum of the earth in my eyes.

I'd be well pissed off if my OH went to a lapdancing club - even more pissed off if he had a lapdance. Degrading, disrespectful, seedy, and to me, totally unacceptable.

I have to ask the question for those of you who do not mind:

If you found your partner in a corner of a pub with a girl straddling your husband without pants on would you laugh it off?

What difference does it make that he paid her?

That is how I fell about paying for a private dance. It is a sexual favour imo. The girl that danced for me was pretty, happy, laughed and joked with me. She was lovely - but she had her vagina in my face gyrating, then bending over masturbating, then on the floor. As I walked out the private dance rooms there was a man watching his dancer masturbate on the floor and he was actually leering. I felt sick to think that that may have been my husband.

On the subject of the man buying the woman, I'd say it was more renting the woman and even then it's not the woman. Lets face it, how many men who pay for a lap dance do so for the woman's mind Really it's renting the woman's body or more specifically renting her tits and genitals.

If you found your partner in a corner of a pub with a girl straddling your husband without pants on would you laugh it off?

Probably. I can just imagine his face and it's making me laugh just now. It would look like this

My dh used the "oh, I didn't want it but all the others did so I did" line and I actually felt sorry for him. What a stupid bitch I was. Am a lot wiser now and I would tell him that I had lost all respect and trust for him if he ever did it again. He also didn't tell me about the times, i found out from a friends husband who had also been. Cowardly if you ask me.

yeah - everone knows that lapdancing clubs aren't just a bit of 'naughty fun' anymore, hardcore stuff goes on there. No thanks.

'I felt sick to think that that may have been my husband.'

but you just paid £10 a dance.

and watched.

In RL in most places though. It is something I fantasise about a lot but I have a lot of fantasies about him having sex and me watching. Its a fetish type of thing I suppose and just something that turns me on. He likes the idea of to the other way round and we have fantasies about me calling him by his colleagues names in bed or attractive men I like. He does the same and then we do stories about the other catching and joining in etc.

I suppose its all like roleplay/sex games to us. So when I worked in the bar at the strip bar I used to text him and say I got horny over a naked man etc and then we would role play it at home. Suppose its hard to understand if you arent in to it.

I just can't imagine how that kind of conversation goes:

DH: I'm off out tonight with some friends, Peter.

Me: Ok, I will put the dc to bed and get some friends over/have an early night/catch up on some paperwork or something.

DH: Oh, and while I'm out I might pay some girl who is desperate for money to take off all her clothes and simulate sex with me. I'm just in the mood to have a strange woman's vagina in my face, you know, seeing as she's a stripper she is just an object and therefore not a real woman at all so having her breasts rubbed on me is not the same as cheating on you, au contraire! It's a FANTASY, she isn't a flesh-and-blood woman, she doesn't sweat with the exertion of grinding on my lap, or go home and feed the goldfish after a hard night's work, her thoughts and feelings don't matter to me at all!

Me: Well, in that case it's not at all disturbing that you would want to do that and I don't mind at all. I'll leave the hallway light on for you dear. (kisses cheek.)

Can't see it somehow [grins]

Well as my DH as never had one or desires one I wont worry.
Remember there are some men out there that don't actually like them

That is true thingumy - I watched - but I didn't get off on it and I wanted to see exactly what men are getting for their money. I have no problems with strip clubs at all. I do not like my husband in them but it doesn't get me too bothered - until he pays for someone to simulate sex and show him everything they have for our cash.

OP YANBU. If my DH had himself a lapdance he'd be out on his ear, and he knows this.

My DH has had lap-dances in the dim and distant past. He knows I really do not like the thought of this and when I asked him how he would feel if some hunky, muscular attractive man was getting his cock out in front of my face, and I was enjoying it, seemed to bring home to him that it's just not right.

Poor DH went on a stag-do to Prague a couple of years ago and went back to the hotel to call me rather than going lap-dancing (and much worse from what he told me afterwards).

It's just a small step away from prostitution and not where a married man should be spending his time.

Katvond. I really don't understand.

So you tell us all that we are insecure and uptight for minding and that you 're so liberated and wouldn't care.

And then it transpires your husband has never been and 'doesn't like them.'

So there hasn't been a case where he has been and you have not minded?

A case of good in theory methinks.

LeQueen But if I found out he'd actually paid for a lap-dance I'd rip his testicles out through his ears, and piss in his open skulll...and that would just be the start of it.

I like your style