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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off that dh had a lapdance?

320 replies

Tile · 07/06/2011 09:24

My dh went out with friends at the weekend and I found out that they'd been to a lapdancing club and paid to have a dance. They took it in turns for this girl to 'perform' for them.

To me, having someone gyrating in your face (who is not your partner!) is as bad as sending someone a dirty text.

Strip/lapdancing clubs never used to bother me that much until I saw a documentary a few years ago about girls that are trafficked and end up in places like these with men perving over them.

AIBU to be upset he went to one of these clubs let alone paid to have a dance?

OP posts:
carriedababi · 07/06/2011 15:46

i would seriously considering leaving my dh if he did that.

CurrySpice · 07/06/2011 15:46

Hmmm, you know what I mean katvond. Your posts to Mal have been really vile and personal

Malificence · 07/06/2011 15:48

You're new here, aren't you Kat?
You don't realise quite how ridiculous your comments about me are, given my fairly explicit posting history.

TobyLerone · 07/06/2011 15:49

Oh yes. Malificence is the only person on MN to have sex with the lights on, in anything other than the missionary position.

katvond · 07/06/2011 15:49

Mali don't threaten me I don't scare that easily, you see from my posts too I don't give up either.
You've got your point, I've got mine.
It would be rather dull if we all thought the same.
It's not wrong of me to be ok with lapdancing. I've never been to a club, never been to amersterdam etc. I can't comment on what these girls ho through as I've never seen it. Maybe just maybe Mali if I knew more my views would change. I'm confident that DH wouldn't do this anyway so Im also safe there.

katvond · 07/06/2011 15:51

Now I'm not a newbie here Mali I'm a regular on these forums.
But it really wouldn't matter if I was new. I have as much right as you do to post on here.

Malificence · 07/06/2011 15:52

I'm actually fairly amused, DH would never watch Match of the day. Grin

"I bet when your DH wakes up with morning glory I bet you're not on his mind" - Nah , I much prefer to be on his cock. Wink

katvond · 07/06/2011 15:53

No curry I don't agree I've been called simple and dim etc because I've a difference of opinion.

Cocoflower · 07/06/2011 15:55

Oh dear this thread has gone right down hill...

Loving the idea that not liking lapdancing clubs must mean you have a rubbish sex life, naturally.

katvond · 07/06/2011 15:55

Love it Mali :)
I'm not a morning person sadly ;) that's the last thing on my mind of a morning lol

ilovedora27 · 07/06/2011 15:56

'It just doesnt bother me....DH loves me, I trust him, he aint gonna run off with a lap dancer and its just a bit of fun. I cant be doing with all this degrading to women lark - they are consenting adults getting paid a nice salary and if its a reputable club they are perfectly safe.'

totally agree with this and my husband would say the same in reverse. I will openly admit thinks like that make me horny and it doesnt make him jealous or vice versa.

katvond · 07/06/2011 15:57

Coco thats what happens when you let me post downhill all the way.
I like to chav it up a bit

QuickLookBusy · 07/06/2011 15:57

Victor, I agree with you.

The main issue for me, isn't whether or not a partner is being unfaithful, it is that they are involved in something which puts women up for sale. I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who thought it was ok to buy a woman.

yousankmybattleship · 07/06/2011 15:57

Oh well. End of any adult discussion! You lot sounds like a bunch of 15 year old boys who think its funny to say cock. Grow up.

TobyLerone · 07/06/2011 15:58

^ this.

StewieGriffinsMom · 07/06/2011 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CurrySpice · 07/06/2011 16:00

But that was only half of the OP's objection QuickLookBusy (I LOVE your name! :o) the first was that he was being unfaithful in some way

katvond · 07/06/2011 16:00

Yousank I loved Mali comment about cock :)
Saying cock isn't childish one of my fave words

ilovedora27 · 07/06/2011 16:01

I know many lap dancers as i used to work in the club and they well paid in my area. Its decent money for easy work. I used to do the sex lines and that was easy money and was sometimes a turn on. Thats what I am planning to go back to when I am older to supplement my retirement tbh!

katvond · 07/06/2011 16:02

TBH stewie I don't have a clue what they earn. I guess they don't get to keep all the money they get while dancing.

ooohyouareawfulbutilikeyou · 07/06/2011 16:04

Do you honestly think that most lap dancers are well-paid? Seriously?

well many of them are doing it to pay their way through education, so i guess its not along the lines of someone slogging their guts out for 45 hours a week in tesco

katvond · 07/06/2011 16:04

Curry I don't think your DH getting a dance is being unfaithful he's not kissed her, had sex with her etc so why is it being unfaithful?

QuickLookBusy · 07/06/2011 16:04

Curry, I was just saying it wasn't my main concern.
My main concern is what is going on inside his head. That he thinks it is ok to buy a woman for 10 mins. He would be out of the door.

StewieGriffinsMom · 07/06/2011 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TobyLerone · 07/06/2011 16:09

I would be very interested to know how many of the "it offends me morally"/"he's a cheat" posters would go and see a male strip show, or play along if a male stripper was produced on a hen night/birthday.

Can't imagine many would be honest, though, as it would pretty much negate their argument.