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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just found my husband with someone else.

748 replies

morewinevicar · 06/06/2011 23:08

I walked straight out, but have nowhere to go. No stuff. My little boy is asleep in the house. I was away on a course but couldn't stand to stay at the rubbish travel lodge for the night so drove for hours and just got home. Andmy husband was on the sofa with a woman. Very blonde but didn't see much else and they were drinking and looked like they'd just jumped apart when they heard the door. I'm shaking. I don't know where to go. My son is in the house. How could he?????

OP posts:
TheMoistWorldOfSeptimusQuench · 06/06/2011 23:53

Well done OP. This stinks for you, you poor thing.
Call someone and ask for support, company, whatever you need. If you were my friend I would be there in an instant. It's not too late.

ohsolonely · 06/06/2011 23:54

How shit for you.

You doing brilliantly though.

Yes you are shocked and have every right to be shakey, hurt and upset.

You have a damn sight more dignity than either of them though.

Bet the pair of them are shitting bricks right now and probably shaking as much as you.

You can get through this. You really can. YOU have done NOTHING wrong.

Hope you are with your son and chucked the pair of them out.

You can talk to him tomorrow or whenever you are ready to do so. Have tonight to cry and try and get over the shock.

Hugs

jasper · 06/06/2011 23:55

what exactly did you see?
Has your husband offered an explanation?

CRS · 06/06/2011 23:56

Def not too late - if you were my friend, I'd be round if required or ready tomorrow. Can you sleep on it (safely with baby) and deal tomorrrow? If so, try that, and deal with it more thoroughly in the morning. X

keepingupwiththejoneses · 06/06/2011 23:56

You have done the right thing making him leave. I hope you are OK! Stay strong and give your boy a big hug.

SpeedyGonzalez · 06/06/2011 23:57

So angry for you. And so impressed by your strength.

The bastard.

bubbleymummy · 06/06/2011 23:57

Hope you're home with your little boy now. Try to get someone to come over and sit with you just for support. Have a brandy or a glass of wine if you need it to calm down but try not to drink too much - it will just mess with your emotions. I know it will be hard but try to get some sleep. You can think more clearly in the morning. You've been so strong already. You can get through this. More virtual support being sent your way....

MrsDistinctlyMintyMonetarism · 06/06/2011 23:57

Your sister is in Florida? Ok, well she is 5 hours behind you so there is plenty of time to call her. Chances are she'll be able to think of someone to come and sit with you.

I here in Oz, is morning here, so if you want to chat I'll be here, ok?

unmumsnetty {{{{hugs}}}} cos Christ knows you deserve them.

Vagazzled · 06/06/2011 23:58

Well done for being strong. Cuddle up to your baby and try and get some rest. Hope there is someone that can be there to support you.

Whitewithnosugarplease · 07/06/2011 00:01

You poor thing. Let us know how you get on. Thinking of you and sending hugs xx

CheeseandGherkins · 07/06/2011 00:03

I hop she's ok

ChaoticAngelbitchfromhell · 07/06/2011 00:04

Well done OP for being strong. Phone someone, anyone, they won't mind what time it is in the circumstances.

Take care of yourself.

Inertia · 07/06/2011 00:04

Hope you are giving your son a huge cuddle now, and that your husband has got his sorry arse out of the house.

FreudianSlipper · 07/06/2011 00:05

how horrible, what a horrible thing to do

like pp said text him tell him you will be home in x amount of minutes she has to be gone before and he is to go with an overnight bag and you will discuss things when you are ready and have lots of cuddles with your lo

i am sure he didn't follow you because he himself was shocked, probably trying to make up a story now but you know what you saw

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 07/06/2011 00:06

Hope you are ok OP.

Hope he goes and gives you some space.

Hope you have been able to talk with someone in RL.

The shock will pass, however awful it feels now.

browneyesblue · 07/06/2011 00:08

What an awful, horrible shock. I hope you are okay OP.

Well done - you've been very brave! It will have taken real guts to go back.

Take care of yourself, and of your son.

FreudianSlipper · 07/06/2011 00:10

sorry had not read all the thread

good for you for taking charge, give yourself a few days to get your head around things

hugs really feel for you :(

Original poster
morewinevicar · 07/06/2011 00:19

Well, hes gone. The only wine is the wine in thier glasses and there's no way I'm touching that.

My son is 5 (someone asked)

She wasn't here when I got back and all DH said was sorry. I went upstairs to see DS and heard him leave.

I can't stop crying. I wish I'd stayed on my course.

OP posts:
Original poster
morewinevicar · 07/06/2011 00:22

My sister doesn't live in Florida she's on holiday. Back on the 12th. I dint want to ring her and ruin it.

OP posts:
MrsDistinctlyMintyMonetarism · 07/06/2011 00:22

No you don't. Not really in your heart of hearts.

How long would it have taken to have found out otherwise? Living in ignorance is terrible, heartbreaking.

Have you called your sister?

MrsDistinctlyMintyMonetarism · 07/06/2011 00:23

If she's anything like my family, she'd be terribly hurt to know that you were so upset and didn't feel that you could talk to her about it.

CatPower · 07/06/2011 00:23

No, don't feel like that. Now you know exactly what he is.

Give your boy a cuddle, try and sleep, or at least just get warm. Let yourself cry when the tears come, let yourself feel angry when that hits you too.

Tomorrow morning you can start the rest of your life. Don't take any shit or excuses. If he's got any decency he'll be grovelling at dawn and giving you all the answers you need.

What a total prick.

stickylittlefingers · 07/06/2011 00:24

that would only have been prolonging your ignorance. It's better to know and to move on, once you're able to.

Please do call a friend or relative. I would want anyone who even slightly knew me to call me on a night like this. Really, don't be on your own if you don't have to.

browneyesblue · 07/06/2011 00:24

Damn! I really wish I knew what to say...

For the time being, focus on taking care of you and your son, and don't feel like you have to rush to make any decisions. The rest of the world can wait until you are ready.

Original poster
morewinevicar · 07/06/2011 00:24

They're all about this holiday. I can't ring her and wreck it. It's not fair.

OP posts: