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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just found my husband with someone else.

748 replies

morewinevicar · 06/06/2011 23:08

I walked straight out, but have nowhere to go. No stuff. My little boy is asleep in the house. I was away on a course but couldn't stand to stay at the rubbish travel lodge for the night so drove for hours and just got home. Andmy husband was on the sofa with a woman. Very blonde but didn't see much else and they were drinking and looked like they'd just jumped apart when they heard the door. I'm shaking. I don't know where to go. My son is in the house. How could he?????

OP posts:
kayah · 07/06/2011 00:25

I am in Wallington, if it was possible I'd. Come and made yoiu a cup of tea.
let me know if you need anythinm or just some company.
I am good at listening :)
Hope you can get some sleep tonight.

MrsDistinctlyMintyMonetarism · 07/06/2011 00:26

Ok, if you are certain.

Talk to us then. Did you have any inkling that something was going on?

stickylittlefingers · 07/06/2011 00:26

But is there someone else, apart from your sister? Someone who could come tonight?

PercyPigPie · 07/06/2011 00:28

Sad. Well done Vicar. You were brave and dignified.

Have you locked all the doors so he can't come back in? Will be around for a few more minutes ...

Go and cuddle your little boy.

Original poster
morewinevicar · 07/06/2011 00:31

None. I can't actually believe it. On the way back I convinced myself he was going to tell me I was wrong.

I can't believe that he had her there with DS in the house. I feel sick. I need to just kill someone.

Thanks for the offer of coming over but I think I'm going to try to sleep. I've just driven over four hours and then had a heart attack.

OP posts:
Original poster
morewinevicar · 07/06/2011 00:33

I've locked the door. And I've sent a message to my friend about fifteen minutes away asking her if she's up.

OP posts:
PhilipJFry · 07/06/2011 00:34

About how he responded to you finding out...it's okay to be devastated not only about the affair but his reaction (or lack of) to you finding out about it. It's all right to be furious but still want him to have apologised over and over, to have seen some emotion and sorrow from him. I'm sorry that he didn't even try to make a proper apology.

PercyPigPie · 07/06/2011 00:35

Do you have to work tomorrow Vicar? Is it worth sending an e-mail to someone now to say you won't be there, so you don't have to worry about it in the morning?

kayah · 07/06/2011 00:36

I sent you a PM just in case you need something :)

MrsDistinctlyMintyMonetarism · 07/06/2011 00:37

I think years from now you will look back on this evening and be proud of yourself. Your behaviour has been exceptional.

I think sleep sounds like a great idea if you can manage it. Your little boy will be so pleased to see you in the morning.

I'll be thinking of you and probably on mn for at least a couple more hours on and off. I'll check in every so often but if you want a talk, PM me. It's only 9.30am here.

Sleep well. xx

browneyesblue · 07/06/2011 00:38

I hope your friend is up, and that you manage to get some sleep tonight.

There are no words to describe his actions

CheeseandGherkins · 07/06/2011 00:38

What has he said?

SpeedyGonzalez · 07/06/2011 00:39

Oh, moretea! Sad and Angry.

FWIW if I were your sister on holiday in Florida I would want you to ring me. Even if it were my honeymoon or the last holiday for the rest of my life.

If you are close, ring her. She will want to be there for you.

Honeydragon · 07/06/2011 00:39

Oh well done. Mn is lovely in that someone is always up, if you need to vent do it here u til rl helps comes. You are being incredibly brave and dignified.

SpeedyGonzalez · 07/06/2011 00:40

sorry, I meant 'morewine'.

Original poster
morewinevicar · 07/06/2011 00:40

I'm supposed to be on my course. They won't be expecting me at work tomorrow. DH had the two days off. I thought I would sneak off and spend the day with him tomorrow.

My friend is coming. Thanks so much everyone. I really really can't believe this has happened. I would never have thought he would do this. We were TTC.

OP posts:
redflagsahoy · 07/06/2011 00:41

Hi Morewinevicar, just a support message, I've nothing more to say than to wish you all the best with this awful situation.

lazydays2 · 07/06/2011 00:43

So sorry you're going through this, especially with your sister away, but you're not alone, you have lots of support here.

There's nothing anyone can say that can make this feel any better at the moment. Kiss your son, goodnight and go cry yourself to sleep.

You've done the right thing, be strong for your son, be angry with your dh.

Take your time, when you have got your head round this mess, face your dh on your terms, you are in control of the situation, even though it doesn't feel like it right now, you've got a strong net behind you.

Maelstrom · 07/06/2011 00:43

Yes, don't work tomorrow, take your child to school tomorrow and get a friend to spend all the morning talking to, cry and as much as you need to if you need too. There would be plenty of opportunities to be brave in the future, at this time the important thing is to let all the emotion out.

millie30 · 07/06/2011 00:44

I'm really glad that you're home with your little boy and your friend is coming round to give you some support. I hope you manage to get some rest tonight.

SpeedyGonzalez · 07/06/2011 00:44

Do you have a good relationship with your manager? Could you call tomorrow afternoon and explain what's happened, and ask for a couple more days off work - maybe the rest of the week?

WorzselMummage · 07/06/2011 00:46

Was an arsehole!

You've done wonderfully :) be strong.

PoppetUK · 07/06/2011 00:46

Just want to say I'm sorry you are going through this. Loads of hugs. x

MrsDistinctlyMintyMonetarism · 07/06/2011 00:50

He is a shit. I can't believe that he would do that to you, knowing that you were ttc. Unbefuckinglievable.

lisad123 · 07/06/2011 00:50

I'm glad your friend is coming over and your not alone. His an idiot, can't believe he didn't even try to explain! Do you know where his gone? Just rant on here, till friend comes.

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