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To want DS in our room FOREVER.....

192 replies

InFlames · 02/06/2011 14:03

....Well, not quite forever.

But DH (who is lovely and a fantastic Dad) is completely unmoveable on his view that DS should go into his own room dead on 26 weeks.

I can't BEAR it yet (note dramatic use of capitals). No idea why, no logic to it, just not ready to not have him in our room yet.

Not about wanting to keep him a tiny baby, and not concerned about SIDS (think other factors are probably bigger i.e. overheating / smoking around Bub etc). But can't bear thought of not hearing his snuffles as I fall asleep.

Have had several 'discussions' on the subject and DH seems to be in the 'You were unwilling to compromise on smacking, I am unwilling to compromise on this' kind of camp.

AIBU and WWYD (or, what have you done)?

OP posts:

Mouseface · 02/06/2011 14:08

DS is still in our room and he is 2. He has SN and LD, plus a feeding tube in. He also has no room of his own just yet, continuous building projects have seen to that, although it won't be for much longer.

Different situation to you but I know when the time comes, I'll miss him being there.



animula · 02/06/2011 14:09

I'll confess that I loved having them in bed with me - and dd (8) still climbs into bed with us sometimes.

I think we introduced the dc to the concept of their own places to sleep by having them in their own bed/cot for the afternoon nap, and were definitely settling ds in his bed by the age of one.

But I can't remember, and really only posted to say "yes, it's lovely having them snuffling next to you."


Malificence · 02/06/2011 14:13

As someone who can't understand why people would want to keep babies in with them after say, 3 months, ( let alone the madness that is co-sleeping) I say YABU.
Is your DH's sleep disturbed by your DS? It's not unreasonable to want a good night's sleep.


RitaMorgan · 02/06/2011 14:13

YANBU to want him in your room, your DH is NBU to want him out - so you have to compromise somewhere.

If you got your way on discipline, I'd let DH have his way on sleeping arrangements. Or you could sleep in the baby's room.


sancerrre · 02/06/2011 14:15

Same here, DS is 6 months and there's no way he's big enough to be all alone in a big room by himself miles away from us for at least, oooh, 12 years, well, certainly not the next 6 months anyway. And he's still feeding every 3 hours so I'm not traipsing off to another room several times a night. DH is ok with this as long as he doesn't get woken up too much so I feed him at the first squeek. Rod, back, I know. Why is your DH so against it? Is he being kept awake?


worldgonecrazy · 02/06/2011 14:17

No idea why - that will be your maternal instincts. If you think about it, is it any more logical to want such a young baby in a separate room than in your own room? What are your OH's concerns if your LO is in your room for longer than 26 weeks? Has he vocalised those concerns. My OH said 26 weeks but loved weekend snuggles so much it went to one year and then to two years, and now he says maybe when she's five . . . . .


shirleyshortcut · 02/06/2011 14:17

think your husband really does have as much right to make parenting decisions as you do, you will both have to compromise over your views


happy2bhomely · 02/06/2011 14:18

I'd tell DH to get out of our bed before I pushed one of my babies out! Our DS 15mnths, is still in with us. We have 4 so we've shared our bed for years on and off. I'm not ready to move him out yet. He naps in his own bed, but at night we snuggle together and he sleeps in my arms and I smell his head, bliss. If the baby is in a cot in your room, rather than in your bed then I really don't see what the problem is. If your DH insists, then I'd insist on moving into the baby's room too!


psiloveyou · 02/06/2011 14:18

I'm with your dh and Malificence on this one. My two always come into our bed for a morning cuddle but that's it. It is mine and Dhs only place of privacy I have never wanted my DCs sharing with us.
So sorry I think YABU


AngryGnome · 02/06/2011 14:19

DS is 6 months and still in with us - I don't want him to "move out" either! Appeal to your DH's practical side - it's going to be much less disruptive to do night feeds if he is still in your room, as opposed to traipsing off to another room.

God knows what I'm going to be like when DS is 18 and actually moves out for good!


InFlames · 02/06/2011 14:21

DH def not being kept awake judging by the snoring at the 5am feed! And DS sleeping through the night- well til 5 anyhow... He has 2 sons in their 20's now and they were in their own rooms at 8 weeks, so I think he thinks he's compromised already.... I would have tried cosleeping ESP in early days with hourly feeds some nights- that he was dead against, and I only heard about it through MN- certainly wasn't mentioned by MW....
Now moving into his room is a compromise I could live with!!! :-)
Think I need to figure out why I'm so anti it and work from there- but I' not sure why so no idea yet!

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JellyBellies · 02/06/2011 14:30

Aw, DS is 2.2 and sleeps in our bed. DH loves to have him there though! I think its coz he works long ours and having DS in bed/watching him wake up makes him feel closer to him, IYSWIM. Very used to it now and expecting DS2 at any moment so soon we wil be 4 in then bed!


deepheat · 02/06/2011 14:36

Always amazed that people keep their kids in with them for that long! Was desperate to get DC1 out and we did that after a few weeks. DC2 will be going at the weekend after a couple of months.

Doesn't mean you're BU, but I guess I'd be more on your husband's side on this one.


CucumberMuncher · 02/06/2011 14:40

DD is still in my bed at 13months, she has never slept anywhere else Smile I love it. Mainly because she isn't sleeping through yet so it saves me traipsing down the corridor to feed her.

But, I am a single mum so it is completely up to me and I don't need to worry about it having negative implications on my relationship.


QualiaQuale · 02/06/2011 14:40

I'd tell DH to fuck off to his own room before I'd send the baby out. Not that my DH would have said such a thing to me anyway.


minipie · 02/06/2011 14:41

I think it depends on why your DH wants your DS to move out at 26 weeks.

If it's because he is being kept awake by DS, then YABU.

If it's for some other sensible reason - for example because he wants the two of you to have a private space, or because he is concerned that it will be more difficult/upsetting to move him later if you don't do it at 26 weeks, then that's a reasonable viewpoint, you need to discuss it with him.

If it's just "on principle" and as a quid pro quo for something which you "overruled" him on (eg smacking) then HIBU and YANBU.


Zimm · 02/06/2011 14:44

DD still in with us at 9 months _ I love having her there, DP wants her to go, TBH I would like our own space back but I miss her so much.....Neither of you is being unreasonable..


missnevermind · 02/06/2011 14:44

DS is 2.4 and just moved out of our room (and bed) DH didn't want him to go yet. Neither did I but DD is due in 6 weeks and we wouldn't all fit in the bed.


InFlames · 02/06/2011 14:46

Also, very much agree with the need to compromise with parenting - thoguh when DH asked me when I thought a reasonable moving out time would be, my only response was 'errrmmmm, when I'm ready?' which as he rightly pointed out wasn't really a compromise!! And I don't think setting another deadline will work really.

The smacking issue was pretty resolved because I don't want to smack DS as a method of disipline and we didn't want to end up with a situation whereby I was the 'nice' Mummy and he was the 'smacking' Daddy. So, much as DH believes occasional smack is ok, he could see this logic and agreed.

DH also feels that DS needs to learn to be alone at night and that he may get clingy / not settle if he's in our room for much longer. My counter to that was that he goes to bed at 7 and more or less self settles as long as he has his dummy, muslin and teddy (he really likes his comforters...!).

He has agreed that DS can come into our bed in the mornings, which is a compromise. So, really, it's the hours of 11-5 that I'm all het up about, and I'm asleep for that time anyway...Sorry, thinking the process through as I type...

Instinct is probably the only real 'why' I can see, because there isn't a logical, identifiable reason - instinct usually something that can't be rationalised per se?

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diddl · 02/06/2011 14:59

I can´t remember when ours "moved out"Blush, but I bfed until a year.

So, certainly whilst I was bfeeding through the night/late night/early morning they were in our room.

Also though, we only had a moses basket in our room, so needing to move from that to a cot would also have been a factor.


fluffygal · 02/06/2011 15:00

I co sleep with my 7 month old. OH wants her out, I don't! YANBU.


nethunsreject · 02/06/2011 15:04

In most parts of the world people sleep with their babies.

What's the rush?

Soon, your baby will be shrugging off your hand from his shoulder and hurumphing his way around the house leaving biscuit crumbs. Enjoy tthe brief time that they want you.


dickiedavisthunderthighs · 02/06/2011 15:04

The mind boggles as to how you managed to make four babies with that level of co-sleeping Grin


ohmyfucksy · 02/06/2011 15:06

I'm going to say YABU

After the SIDS guideline date, your bedroom should be a private, adult space. Having a baby is so overwhelming, you need somewhere you can retreat to and be adults instead of babies. I could not stand having a small child constantly in my bedroom, let alone my bed.

Your husband does have the right to at least make his opinions known and not have them written off, whatever other people might say


InFlames · 02/06/2011 15:06

chuckles at thought of little Bub being big enough to walk and trail biscuit crumbs....then panics slightly....

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