To want DS in our room FOREVER.....

[InFlames]

....Well, not quite forever.

But DH (who is lovely and a fantastic Dad) is completely unmoveable on his view that DS should go into his own room dead on 26 weeks.

I can't BEAR it yet (note dramatic use of capitals). No idea why, no logic to it, just not ready to not have him in our room yet.

Not about wanting to keep him a tiny baby, and not concerned about SIDS (think other factors are probably bigger i.e. overheating / smoking around Bub etc). But can't bear thought of not hearing his snuffles as I fall asleep.

Have had several 'discussions' on the subject and DH seems to be in the 'You were unwilling to compromise on smacking, I am unwilling to compromise on this' kind of camp.

AIBU and WWYD (or, what have you done)?

exoticfruits is right.
I also know a couple who slept seperately for a year because the DH hated the baby sharing, so slept elsewhere.
That doesn't sound like a healthy environment either!

How much tension is this going to cause in your marriage and would it be worth it?

Your boy is not going to suffer in any way if he goes into his own room. Your marraige might if he doesn't.

Very little tension- we've got a very strong relationship luckily :-) Part of my reason for posting was to get other perspectives so it doesn't become a conflict. Good point tho :-)

If he's unmoveable and so are you, there's bound to be tension though, no?

Ds still sleeps in our bed and he's 2 and a bit. DD co slept til age 3.
it just feels right to me and I've learned to trust my instincts on matters like these :)

Nope, though potential is there as with any disagreement- because we're still a few weeks off we're still in the discussion stage, plus as I don't have a reasoned argument for bar instinct we're not rowing-yet! But in all honesty we don't really argue- think the age gap is part of this, plus we both work in mental health hence are v used to talking things through...!

my four year old will sleep on his own but prefers to sleepin my bed my one yr old screams if i try to put him anywhere near his bed but at least we all get some sleep even though me and dh get hardly any privacy it will get better i suppose

We put dd in her own room at the other end of the landing at three months when she outgrew the moses basket. We sleep with the doors shut too. Shes fine, sleeps through, always has. Even slept through an earthquake a few years ago. We do have weekend snuggles though. Each to their own .

You are both being a bit unreasonable.
He's insisting on a specific deadline for no reason - or not one he's explained - while you're refusing without talking about a timescale or giving any particular reason - or not one he understands ;-)
I can see why this is causing disagreements between you both!
Honestly, if you weren't both sleep deprived it probably wouldn't have got to this stage anyway.
Firstly, talk about it between you without getting defensive or aggressive.
Secondly, get a good quality baby monitor. The sound on ours is so clear it's unreal and it's actually louder than sleeping next to the baby.
DW wanted DS to sleep in his own room from quite young (I was ambivalent), but she likes to hear him breathing as she falls alseep. The baby monitor lets her do that.

Move your dh out.

And how is this good for your DS?

Way above co sleeping in terms of child security comes 2 parents who are happy and have a good relationship.
If both of you think co sleeping is the way to go then there isn't a problem. In this case there is a problem. I would go with DH, he has agreed to the first 6 months, he is only going to be resentful. Certainly 'move your DH out' isn't a good start for the next 40yrs or so of your marriage!

Two questions for the co-sleepers with olderbabies & toddlers as I'm genuinely curious. Do you put them to bed in your bed at their bedtime (7pm or whatever) then sneak in when you go to bed? And what about your sex life?

PS both mine in their own room at 6 weeks so I think YABU but then I would think that!

Apart from sex life (or lack of) how do you manage to read in bed? I would hate to be whispering around in the dark. I like my own space and the light on and being able to hold a conversation.

difficult - we still have DD (2.2) in with us. She has a bed of her own since monday.
The only thing I would point out is that you are the one gettiing up to do 5am feed. I would imagine you would have to wake up 'more' if you moved him out of your room

Balsam - DD goes to bed around 8.30 (an hour either side of this is normal though) and we get in later. Sex happens on the sofa before bed usually. I concieved both DS1 and DD while cosleeping so definitely not a crimp on that side of things.

oh and exoticfruits - we read in bed no probs, DD sleeps between us.

At the moment, all you want to do is be with your baby night and day. It's easy to forget your husband's wants and needs - which after all, led to the baby in the first place. My own experience is that I inadvertantly really pushed my DH away after my first DS was born and realise now how it led to all sorts of relationship problems later.

I think you need to think of the bigger picture. Believe it or not...this is the start of the letting go process and it starts as early as letting someone else feed your baby or give them a bath. And it continues until you pack them off to leave home or walk them down the aisle. It's all really hard but really necessary and your relationship is as important as your kids - after all....unhappy couple equals unhappy kids.

FWIW I think your style of parenting sounds lovely...

DS stayed in his hammock in my room until he was 12 months and started climbing out of it! Then he went to his own room. I wasn't ready before then and I think its important to do things when your ready and not be forced into stuff. They're not babies for very long so make the most of it.

I'm sure can find some way to make it up to hubby

People adapt to their sleeping environments.
If a baby is placed in a quiet room to sleep, then perhaps noise would wake him up, but babies are born able to sleep through most things if they need to sleep, so my sons kept this sleeping style.
We have 14 month old sleep with us now and we have the light on, talk, etc, only thing that wakes him would be moving him.

My DS sleeps right next to the wall with his own blanket, so me and DS can snuggle on other side of bed. Kingsize, of course

I don't think YABU but I don't personally understand your POV. DH & I were both keen to get DD into her own cot/room as soon as possible really. As some others have said I think our bedroom is our own personal adult space. I also would never co-sleep but I'm digressing here.

However, YANBU, it's your opinion etc and your feelings.

I know how you feel - but trust me, you'll change your mind when his size 10 stinkies are hanging out of the end of his bed and the only response you get from him is 'hmmmph'

I read downstairs before I go up, DH reads on his phone if he wants, we have no problems with the 'intimacy' side of things being outside the bedroom, (gah probably TMI), and certainly no problems there!

DH has DS half the week while I work, he's very much loves being with his son, so we're both very involved if that makes sense - there's no room for anyone to be pushed out. Also not sure what is meant by his "needs"....if it's what I think then they're very well met!! I also think that DS's needs have to come first at the moment - we both do, hence we aren't worried about missing nights out etc or all the other things we did pre-baby.

It genuinely is about what's best for DS, and that we differ on our view on this. We are really really happy, there is no stress or problems - it's a difference of opinion but not causing unhappiness between the two of us :-)

balsam DS(age 2) is asleep between 8.30 and 9pm and we go to bed around 11pm. Sex happens in other places in the house! Reading is done with a head torch! It works for us.