To want DS in our room FOREVER.....

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....Well, not quite forever.

But DH (who is lovely and a fantastic Dad) is completely unmoveable on his view that DS should go into his own room dead on 26 weeks.

I can't BEAR it yet (note dramatic use of capitals). No idea why, no logic to it, just not ready to not have him in our room yet.

Not about wanting to keep him a tiny baby, and not concerned about SIDS (think other factors are probably bigger i.e. overheating / smoking around Bub etc). But can't bear thought of not hearing his snuffles as I fall asleep.

Have had several 'discussions' on the subject and DH seems to be in the 'You were unwilling to compromise on smacking, I am unwilling to compromise on this' kind of camp.

AIBU and WWYD (or, what have you done)?

I felt some concern at moving dd to her own room at 6 months but I needn't have worried, she's slept through every night since. She was in a crib in our room as she has a huge cot bed which we couldn't move, but she loves her cot and rolls all over it! She clearly needed the extra space. It's lovely having our room back - I'd really missed being able to read when I went to bed etc. She does come into our bed each morning though which is great!

I think what's coming up time and again is the issue of who gets their needs met first - and I think most people would agree it's the baby, followed by (hopefully equal) parents. DH was here last night and we chatted about the thread - he's (luckily!) chuckling at the idea that his 'need' for sex should trump mine or baby's needs :-)

We did talk things through, endlessly, regarding all the random and serious elements of parenting - there will eb some that come to bite us though I'm sure!

It's not a case of one person trumping another for us, there are very few issues that have come up where we've been opposing (i.e. smacking) and that was resolvable. Ditto when DS first had expressed milk from a bottle - I DID NOT want to do this, but DH did - we worked out a compromise that was less about my wants and eventually about ALL our needs - we waited a few days longer, then DH got to feed DS (he loved this) and I got more than 2 hours unbroken sleep. DS was still fed, never had any problems coming back to the breast, and got to have that closeness with his Dad too (the eye gazing when feeding is lovely :-) )

It is really interesting to get such a range of views and it's been genuine food for thought - certainly not aiming to get everone agreeing with my point of view otherwise I'd have posted in the co-sleeping board (if there is one....) It was a genuine 'Is this me being unreasonable?' as I really wasn't sure - I'm still not quite sure BUT have a wealth of things to think about, and some reading to do.

And there was me thinking AIBU was scary - it's been really helpful, including 99% of the 'YABU' posts :-)

Shrug, DH does love me and doesn't want me to be upset, his sleep (like the OP's DH) isn't affected either way so why not do it my way?

If anything now that BFing has been wrapped up at night and DS2 is in another room DH's sleep is disturbed more because sometimes it is his turn to get up in the night if there is a problem.

If his sleep isn't being disturbed then why is it so important to him when he knows it will make her unhappy?

We co-slept with both of ours until they were over two and at 3 and nearly 7 they both still sleep in what is our 'family bedroom' albeit in their own beds.

They are both very confident, independent, totally non-clingy children.

They both sleep like logs and nothing wakes then.

Most of our friends think we are very odd, but my FIL and partner who are both child centered psychologists are very supportive, which has been nice.

We will move them into their own room, when they want to go and I cannot imagine for a minute they will still want to be with us at secondary school age

Interestingly ds who is older has said he feels sorry for his friends that have to sleep alone and wondered why their mummies and daddies won't let them.

Not suggesting what we do is for everyone, just showing that sleeping arrangements with children are whatever you want them to be, though I agree both partners need to be on board.

exoticfruits - because while I was bfing at night DP didn't have to wake up, but if the baby was in another room I'd have had to properly wake up, get out of bed etc etc. So it would have made little/no difference to DP's sleep where the baby was, but lots to mine.

I say co-sleeping board - he's not in our bed, he's in a cotbed across the room.

There's more to it than tit-for-tat, though initially it did feel a bit like that. He has some valid points as do I ....now we have to figure a compromise that keeps us all happy!

DH snores like a freight train, my preference would be to sleep in another room at theother end of the house with a couple of sound proof walls between us. However DH really likes sleeping next to me, it is very important to him that we sleep together. So because I love him, I put earplugs in every night and try to get to sleep before he does. It is a minor irritant but I give in on it because it is important to him, that is the way compromise can work.

If the OP does feel strongly about this and her DH isn't actually being woken up then I think he should let her have her way about it.

We have done both. Moved DC1 to her own room at 5 months. Coslept from day one with DC2 and DC3. I got a lot more sleep with the younger two.

With DC1 I spent 16 months waking up 2/3 times a night and 2/3 times a night getting out of bed walking into another room dealing with baby and yawning and cold walking back to my own bed...nightmare.

With DC2 also woke up 2/3 times a night until 16 months but I was never tired or cold, just parented him without getting out of bed...bliss.

Super lucky with DC3 as she is naturally a good sleeper and has slept through since being three weeks old.

Co-sleeping or room sharing does not make children clingy, that depends on that child's personality.

I don't understand why DH wants your baby to move out. What difference will it make to him ?

If you did agree to move DS out, I would make it conditional on DH picking the baby up and bringing him to you every time he wakes in the night. I know you say he is a good sleeper at the moment but once he is in his own room, he may wake up more and cry as you are not within sight. Plus when DS is ill he will wake up more.

So every time DS wakes up, I would kick DH and say go get him, as you wanted him in his own room.

It depends on the individual Rita, there isn't a right answer. I get back to sleep easily, DH doesn't. Me slipping out and back didn't wake him-I never awoke properly-back to bed- instantly asleep.

There is no 'right' or 'wrong' to co sleeping. My only point is that you should discuss it before DCs-if you are poles apart have you got other big differences in parenting styles? Is so -much better to air them first.

If you both want to co sleep-no problem. If you both want own rooms-no problem. Unfortunately, in case of OP, they do have a problem.I don't think -'I am senior parent-lump it' or 'if you love me you would do it my way' are in the least helpful.

Your baby won't be any less secure, as long as you meet their needs. All babies are different-there isn't a right answer for all babies. I remember my midwife saying 'all babies like to be swaddled-it makes them feel secure'-I thought not my baby! I was right-he wouldn't have it (I knew from the womb that he constantly moved his arms).
All you can do is the best for your family which doesn't mean just you and the baby.(unless you are a single parent)

I don't understand why DH wants your baby to move out. What difference will it make to him ?

If you really think this then you are going to have problems.

So every time DS wakes up, I would kick DH and say go get him, as you wanted him in his own room

Is 'tit for tat* part of a loving relationship and really beneficial to the baby?

I am surprised that so many people put sleeping with mother as more important than having 2 loving parents.

You can have two loving parents and the baby sleeping with the mother even if the dad would prefer the baby in a seperate room.

Because the dad can say 'this isn't ideal to me, but I can see it is important to you, so lets run with it'.

The compromise you are a so keen on exoticfruits doesn't have to be on the mother's part.

I love sharing a room with DD. She's in a bedside cot, so pretty much co-sleeping. However, I'm also looking forward to her moving to her own room at 6 months (for all the reasons given upthread).

The faher has already compromised if you read OP and the smacking issue is way, way mosre important to DS than sleeping which he won't remember and won't care about in future years.
Co-sleeping is lovely if you all want it but you can co sleep and be an appalling parent.
As long as you meet your DCs needs, it really isn't important.

exoticfruits, "If you really think this then you are going to have problems. "
So the millions of parents who co-sleep or room share, all have problems

I can't see how a sleeping baby in his own cot would have any affect on a sleeping husband. Especially as the OP says he is snoring through the only night waking. Sounds like he wants the baby out, as that is what he thinks should happen with no regard for his wife's and baby's feelings on this matter.

Two totally seperate issues IMO. Really don't see the connection between smacking and having the baby in the room.

I don't think I said cosleeping meant you couldn't be an appalling parent.

My friend was an ardent co sleeper-I was damaging my DCs by them having their own rooms (she didn't say so in so many words but this as the inferred). Hers have now gone and don't come back very often, whereas mine come back often through choice.
Of all the important childhood decisions- where you sleep is unimportant and should just suit the individual family-and all of them.

Seems to me the needs of the baby aren't mentioned at all in the op- its all about the mothers needs

Every issue should be discussed on its own merits. DH should not be saying as we decided not to smack our baby last week, therefore I get to make 100% the next parenting decision on his own.

They decided together not to smack and they should decide to move the baby when they are all happy for this to be done, not just on the DH say so. Of course if he had a reasonable reason (I have no idea if he has or not) and shared this with his wife maybe she would move baby earlier, it sounds like the OP is very open to a compromise.

Well having the baby in his own room doesn't suit the OP, so why (given once again he isn't being woken) does the DH's wishes trump hers?

I think this is about the OP's needs and wants rather than the baby's I just don't see why that is automatically a bad thing.

DH wants baby out, OP wants baby in. OP will be effected by move, DH won't. Seems pretty simple to me.

You have misunderstood completely Babieseverywhere-if you read it properly I said that both parents wanting it= no problem
both parents not wanting it=no problem
one parent wanting and one not =problems.

Of course they are separate issues but they have discussed them, DH is obviously a smacker and has agreed not to -a hugely important issue. He now thinks his hugely important issue should be met.
I would settle for that- as not smacking is very important and where you sleep is neither here nor there in the long run.

Why is it a problem if it is about the mother's needs lynehamrose?

DH wants DS to be in his own room because - and I quote:

• 'DS needs to get used to being on his own'

• 'I would quite like some 'adult space' (and I don't mean sex)'

• 'The longer it's left, the harder it gets to do'

• 'If I thought in a few weeks / months, you would be ready, I'd suggest waiting. But I'm not sure you WILL be ready'

So, most points that have been talked about on here. Some I think have a stronger argument than others. Difficult when you get into what is a need and what is a desire or want. Also depends on your parenting point of view in terms of what you feel baby needs...As then the argument about what is Mum's needs is moveable if that makes sense?

I get the distinct impression that they discussed it and agreed on 6 months but OP is now moving the goal posts.