To want DS in our room FOREVER.....

[InFlames]

....Well, not quite forever.

But DH (who is lovely and a fantastic Dad) is completely unmoveable on his view that DS should go into his own room dead on 26 weeks.

I can't BEAR it yet (note dramatic use of capitals). No idea why, no logic to it, just not ready to not have him in our room yet.

Not about wanting to keep him a tiny baby, and not concerned about SIDS (think other factors are probably bigger i.e. overheating / smoking around Bub etc). But can't bear thought of not hearing his snuffles as I fall asleep.

Have had several 'discussions' on the subject and DH seems to be in the 'You were unwilling to compromise on smacking, I am unwilling to compromise on this' kind of camp.

AIBU and WWYD (or, what have you done)?

[jaggythistle]

I would have kept DS in longer than 6 months, but he moved out because I was going back to work (shifts) so would have woken him up loads.

I find it strange that DH can get a cuddle all night but wee DS is in his own cot all alone. Am I a bit odd then?

I am compensating by still having his monitor beside my bed at 20 months so I can hear what he is blethering about.

[nethunsreject]

ohmyfucksy, maybe that's fine for some people. But not for everyone.

Different families, different needs.

[bonkers20]

It's hard to comment on whether YABU without knowing what your DH's reasons are.

My DS is still in our room at just over 2 and will be until we get more space.
I admit that I really love having him there. He joins me in bed when he wakes so we are co-sleeping and BF at night. It works for us as a family.

[SunRaysthruClouds]

Maybe this sharing a room is a modern thing but all ours slept on their own rooms from about 4 weeks (16-22 years ago) and I couldn't imagine it being any other way.
(might be why my kids have serious psychological problems of course....)

[glitterkitten]

YABU

co-sleeping has more to do with prioritizing the needs of the mother over the child.

your child will (although you wont want to admit it) sleep just as well in his or her own room, surrounded by his or her toys in an environment they will grow up to respect as their own space. a space they will be happy to retreat to to play and "rule over"

not to mention the effect it must have on your relationship and "private times" yuck. wrong wrong wrong

[DreamingOfABump]

i agree that at some point they should go into their rooms but find it sad and a bit wierd that parents are "desperate" to get their small babies out of their room within months. Sometimes it comes across that babies are one big inconvenience to be made to fit around parents schedule whether it suits their natural needs or not. :( Why would the smallest most vulnerable family member be isolated in another room at a young age, it goes against all instincts surely?

[sweetkitty]

YANBU IMO

All of my four DC have slept in my room for at least the first year of their lives if not longer.

On the other side of the argument to some of the posts here I do not understand why people can put small babies in rooms on their own, even know DS is 13 months and I still wake several times a night to check on him, I love just lying there listening to him breathing.

I think it is the most natural and lovely thing in the world to have that hot little body snuggled up to you. Once they get to the wrestling about stage then they get put into a cot.

Completely disagree with cosleeping being more about the mothers needs than the child, we as a species have evolved to cosleep close to our young and have only started putting them in seperate little boxes to sleep in the past 100 years or so. If you were a newborn would you rather sleep alone or snuggled up to your mother with your food supply on demand (which is all newborns care about really is food)?

[switchtvoffdosomelessboring]

My oldest is 7 and given the choice would still be in our bed. I'm hoping he grows out of it before he starts bringing girls home...

[InFlames]

glitterkitten - I'm not sure if you mean co-sleeping (in the same bed) or having the baby in the same room as parents? Following on from this, how is 'co-sleeping' in either sense more about the mother's needs than the babies?

Not sure what sex has to do with this thread - 'private times' are just as available outside of the bedroom and to be honest there's much more to my relationship than sex anyhow. Sex with baby asleep in the same room is probably a different thread.

I am aware that my DS will love having his own space when he's old enough to retreat and play in there, and will sleep fine too - the issue is whether 6 months is too young / the right age / too old and how to negotiate that with DH.

[FreudianSlipper]

YANBU

he may change his mind once he gets little smiles and cuddles that are jsut for him

ds still sleeps in my bed he is 3.8 and when he stays with his daddy he sleeps in his bed, although the ex does say every time i will get him to sleep in his own room he never does.

[exoticfruits]

I would go with your DH, it should be a shared thing. He is going to be a DC for a very short time and then you will have 30/40yrs alone with DH the relationship is just as important. Your DS won't miss out he can still have lots of cuddles etc.

[magicmelons]

YABU

If there is no reason for the baby staying and your dh would prefer them to move out then i think you have to respect his wishes. It is a mammoth pain if still bf though so you could try this angle for a reason to stay.

[bonkers20]

co-sleeping has more to do with prioritizing the needs of the mother over the child.

When the baby is still BF co-sleeping is absolutely NOT about the needs of the Mother over the baby. Even when not BF, many people believe that co-sleeping is best for their child. You sound very judgemental. Maybe if you'd added "I think" it would have come across a little less abrasive.

How do you know the Mother is benefiting more than the child?

Anyway I jolly well did put my own needs very high up the list when DS was tiny. Look after the Mum and the rest of house will run more smoothly.

[HolyFail]

We moved dd (7 months) into her own room last week and tbh, I wish I had done it sooner! She sleeps so much better in her own room and has even slept a little later - even if it is only 30 minutes!

Having said that, there is also a single bed in dd's room so that I can sleep in the room with her if she is contstantly waking... iyswim

Try to compromise, you may even enjoy your own space

[animula]

I have to say, if you are bf, it is kind of odd that he gets to lay down the law about where your lo sleeps. I'm guessing that you are going to express and do a 50/50 split on the night feeds?

Probably not ... in which case it really is easier for you if your small one is in your bed/room.

Mind you, I know you will be coming up to that point where they don't have milk at night, so ....

Btw, I don't think it is as straightforward as you "getting to choose about smacking" and therefore him getting to choose about where your infant sleeps. It's not like choosing sweets/cakes from an assortment box - "one for you, one for me" - as I'm sure you realise. More a question of reaching compromises on issues. Actually, you do know that. I'm just re-stating.

[fairydoll]

The longer you leave it ,the more 'used to it' your DS will become and will find it a lot harder when you do move him out.

[yukoncher]

I had my son sleep with me until age 3, he went into his own room then very easily.
Infact he's now 4 and if I lay with him at bedtime, he asks me to leave, lol. He doesn't want kisses and cuddles so much, and gets himself up in the morning and doesn't come in to me, just goes downstairs and watches cbeebies, he's very independant.

My friend's lil boy same age is whiney and clingy and she put him in his own room asap after birth, and seems to have practised detatchment parenting to try and stop him being clingy.

I think if anything makes a child 'clingy' it's insecurity!

[yukoncher]

fairydoll
I completely disagree.
If a baby stays with his mother during the infant period, as all great apes do, they nest with their mothers, I think that allows them to develop properly.

I think being left alone when theyre not read can cause insecurity

[InFlames]

fairydoll-yep that's one of DH's points- the one I can see the logic too the most I think.

Interesting range of views on this subject, more than I realised! Def not simple choice and def requires more conversation with DH methinks :-)

[razzlebathbone]

YANBU - I love sleeping with mine, just love it. Snuggling with them and hearing them breathing and snuffling etc...I could do it forever too. I don't, they go to bed in their own rooms now, but I secretly love it if they want to come in mine.

Your husband is also NBU too though.

Sigh.

[WidowWadman]

I found that moving our daughter into her own room ultimately reduced the number of night feeds and therefore the amount of sleep I got.

[exoticfruits]

It works fine if both parents want it.
It is much better for DS to have parents with a good, equal, loving relationship- than to share a bed and have one parent resentful. Equal means that you both have a say and you may have to compromise.
If your DC is loved unconditionally and his needs are met, he will not be insecure. There is more to being a good mother than sharing a bed.
Mine were in a separate room, I heard them on the first cry and went to them and we all got a good night's sleep. (some babies love their own space-they are not all the same!)

[InFlames]

Just to clarify he's in his own cot in our room- I discovered the theory of cosleeping long after it was practicable to try it as he was settled in a cot then :-)