yet another mil issue but not my fault (?)

[hayjon]

Hi, brief bit of background to start: dh and myself married very quietly a few months back (no dc's as yet). Anyway, mil (widowed) and his extended family all live at least 200 miles away from us and are basically scattered around country.
I don't have a close relationship with mil but she is allright and I neither hate or love her, she's OK.
About a month ago, she called dh to say that she wished to arrange a family gathering to celebrate our marriage, cue many phone calls between them to discuss the event. Mil very, very keen to do what we wished- must stress that I didn't really mind what happened- free meal, day out in nice surroundings, well I didn't care that much for the EXACT details so left it to dh to speak with his mum.

Anyway, basically a day before the gathering her and dh speak on phone and had a massive falling out because she didn't plan the event according to any of my dh's wishes and we didn't go after all. I tried to reason with dh to go but to no avail as I knew a lot of effort had been made. Although I kind of see why he is a bit peed off as she made such a fuss ringing all the time for no reason. He is not spoilt, either. Don't think he cared if she'd made a fuss or not-just hated having her ask him in depth what he wanted and then being ignored IYSWIM.

According to his brother, his mum is v. v. upset and we received a letter from her today saying that it was obvious to her that NEITHER of us wanted to go. This is simply not true; but what the heck could I have done? Gone by myself without dh? I am annoyed with her to be honest for this.
I don't know if I am BU or what or how to sort this.

clam - That doesn't even come close to what people have said about her!

clam look at my post at 15:48:44. That was what got deleted - I quoted hayjon.

Well, no she won't give an apology because she doesn't really do apologising. Somebody has to bang her over the head with a wet fish before she'll apologise for anything! This is why she did not speak to another of her children for a couple of years. But, she has acknowledged that she was wrong to have a go at me and that's the closest I'll get to an apology from her.

Oh ok TotallyLovely so thank you to all those who said what she wanted to hear, not those who bothered to post anyway giving a point of view she didnt like. To precious.

Anyway, enjoy.

DandyLioness . . . who the "nasties" reported I would imagine. MN doesn't have time to wade through all this, it takes someone to report it and I would bet on Nuttychic who can obviously hand it out but not take it.

I wasnt the one that hayjon insulted love and nor was I the one who reported. Tut tut, you really should read the thread before commenting.

I very clearly came in AFTER the insult was thrown by hayjon as I found it odd that she had recently apologised for insulting people then promptly did it again

But, the people who told me what I didn't want to hear were wrong. My mil accepts that I could not control the actions of my dh. She got a bit angry with me when I put it to her that I should have gone without dh. She said that this would have been worse for her!
The advice was incorrect.

I am not an unreasonable person, I didn't ignore those that slagged my dh off - some used some awful words to describe him here- I didn't respond because they had a valid point (or their points were valid on what I had said here) nor did I disregard those who offered grim warnings and, I eventually accepted that saying sorry did not mean admitting blame.

No one on here will even accept they are wrong OP. They will insist to the death that you should have MADE your DH go [laughing]

TotallyLovely, perhaps you are right, I will ask one thing of them, however, next time their dh's/dp's seriously disobeys them and refuses to do what they want, they think of me grinning over their shoulder and thinking: 'not so smug and righteous now, are you? Come on, come on, MAKE him to do what you want you useless woman!'

TotallyLovey Hmm, where have I seen "[laughing]" on this thread before? Ah, that's it, in QuackQuackSqueak's deleted post. You're her on a name-change, aren't you

Beesimo back from Appleby

I reckon OPs DH was sent away to boarding school too young he flaming hated it and has spent his adult life punishing Mam for 'abandoning' him.

If he can't get past his resentments he should have a bloody good row and thrash it out with his Mam but no he'd rather play silly buggers and I expect there is a bit of money in the family he don't want to miss out on.

Mam wants X/ Son wants Y
She's ignoring meeee!

Sorry OP your married to a cliche the educated 'middle class' man who is full of volcanic rage against his MaMa.

All this obsession about football I bet his Mam thinks 'oh why couldn't DS like rugby' he is winding her up and he full well knows it

Well I sure as hell wouldn't have gone in your position. It's one thing to develop a good relationship with your MIL, it's something else entirely to get into the middle of a fight between her and your DH - you would always be the loser.

Hope it all settles down for you.

Wow, Beesemo, enjoying the view from the amateur psychiatrist's chair???!!!

When your right your right

You just keep on believing that....

BluddyMoFo

Shush now or I will put your name in my book of names under

Clever Dick