To be considering kicking DP out so I can go back on benefits, fed up of being fucked financially?

[worriedsinglemum]

I have namechanged for this. Its tongue in cheek, I wouldn't really, I love him, he really is great and a good "stepdad" to my dc. they adore him and I love living with him but I hate constantly struggling.

DP moved in with me and my 2 dc few months ago and I had been a single mum on benefits for a while up till that point. We informed the relevant authorities and my HB and IS was stopped completely and my child tax credit has been cut by about a 3rd. We get about £50 a week CTC (for now, have just filled in renewal so could change, and, I suspect, won't be for the better) plus child benefit. X doesnt work so he can't contribute towards DC. I can't believe how skint we are since he has moved in and TBH it is already affecting our (usually great) relationship in lots of shitty ways. we can't afford anything other than the bare basics and I am sick of having no spare money.

He earns 22k. He pays the rent and CT at my place, which is £500. He pays £250 a month maintenance to X who he has dc with, he has debts which the repayments are about £200 pcm at the moment. Then with food, gas, electric, dc clothes and his diesel to get to work on top, All of that comes to more than he earns. So the rest is covered by the CTC and CB I receive. When we lived separately he was in a houseshare so his rent/bills were minimal and we had lots of nights out etc and treats, we even went on holiday abroad for a week. That won't happen this year.

I can't really work in the day atm as the childcare would wipe out anything I could earn. (dc are 2 and 4 so only one in school and thats only pt) I am looking for evening work but there is bugger all about atm. And it would be shit to have to go out to work in the evening, we'd barely see eachother.

I'm sick of it. I was so much happier in some ways as a single parent. But I want to be a proper family and all live under the same roof.

O/T - Spring chicken - can you not retrain? You must have lots of skills that can be adapted to a different industry.

Back on subject. We all hear stories (forget the press hyped ones, they are just headline seekers to enrage everyone and it works). If you know the system, were brought up in it, you know how to work it, maximise it - all quite legally.

Those who need the system but haven't a clue how it works get royally f*cked over by the state.

I know first hand stories - the one that does my head in - is the returner from abroad when one of the European economies collapsed. HB - qualifies for £950pcm - rent is £600 so thats £350 in his back pocket. Totally legal, Outrageous but legal. Although why HB is being paid when there are 3 working adults in the house is beyond me. (SP and 2 working teenage children) I assume the teenage childrens salaries are not taken into consideration.

SGB - you're right of course about all the unfairnesses, but what are you gonna do? Is the OP gonna spend the rest of her life bitching about it, or is she gonna do something to make a change?

Also, as parents, I think we have a responsibility to our DC that goes beyond providing for them financially. We need to show them a good way to live...and all the stats show that DC living with non-working parents are far more likely to end up that way themselves than DC with working parents.

Does the OP really want to model to her children that being a single parent, relying on benefits and having a partner who can't move in so as not to upset the dependency, is the best way to live? Really?

I woul dhave thought that was an awful way to live...and not one she'd want for her own kids.

InTheNightKitchen - you should be ashamed of yourself. What next, would you advise she start shoplifting? It's no different

OP - if you get a criminal conviction you will be fucked financially for the rest of your life. Please don't go down this avenue. When I suggested your DP move out, I meant actually move out, not pretend to do so.

'O/T - Spring chicken - can you not retrain? You must have lots of skills that can be adapted to a different industry.'

That costs money. If you're in debt already, often times you can't get the money.

And you still face age discrimination.

IntheNight, the caveat of your suggestion is that this is the most common type of benefit fraud, and it's actually fairly easy to get caught.

It was probably a bad idea for him to move in at all, but I can't believe the pair of them didn't sit down and work out a spreadsheet because that would have become patently obvious right away.

Retraining at the age of 46 would be tricky and (as Expat says) while I already have debts I need to keep on working, no matter how messy and erratic it all is. What wears me out is the way I hunt down and acquire another job for a bit more income - and one of the existing ones then collapses.

My advice is to NOT even consider commiting benefit fraud. I'd personally never, ever grass on anyone for it, not even my worst enemy, but many people would (as many of the benefit bashing threads on here would prove).

A friend of mine was reported a few months back. All of her benefits were stopped for about a month as it was investigated. Yes, she got them back again but for a month her and her 4 kids including 2 babies practically starved and went without heating and some days even electricity. All her really friends rallied around her to try and help out but everyone else was utterly skint too. It really isn't worth even thinking about it.

I'd not grass, either, but as saffy says, it all gets cut off. And if you're found guilty, the partner could lose his job.

He could legitimately move back out, though.

Yes, move the partner back out, then OP and her ex can totally rely on the state to care for the two children they decided to have together whilst every other hard working person on here does two jobs/doesn't go on holiday etc etc to pay for her to do so.

Sit back and relax OP, we'll take care of everything for you so you don't have to!!!!

Ignore what inthenightkitchen says OP,very very childish comment she made,Do not commit any fraud.

I have 2 jobs, everything is declared for tax and tax credit purposes but I still qualify for a small amount of wtc which is invaluable for free prescriptions and 3rd world dental care. I would think very seriously before moving a partner in and losing the safety net I receive. He would have to be able to pay his way so that me and mine don't lose out.

I'm only in the system for another year then I will be looking for a man to help with the bills Wish me luck, I will need it.

Keep looking for work. Thats all you can do. I work part time now, after raising 4 young children...eldest is in school now and youngest just turned one. Took me a few months to find a job with hours that suited, now I work 4 evenings a week sometimes till 3am. It doesnt suck....I found I loved being back to work and having something else to focus on that children all the time, as much as I love them...and the exta money, when I get it is a bonus too. It doesnt affect our TC this year as its worked out based on last year...next year it will drop a lot, our tc, but I dont care. I would rather not be reliant on government money to stay afloat. You just have to get on with it and do what you have to do. Thats life.

I'm a lone parent and our circumstances are similar to yours, DP lives in a flatshare so the loss in benefits would outweigh the savings made by living together. Basically, we've decided to stay living separately for the time being. I actually prefer it this way for lifestyle reasons as well, I'm not good at sharing my space with another adult and I think our relationship would deteriorate with the stress of sharing chores and the pressure of finances as well. I would hate to have to live the same way as some have described on here, like having opposite working shifts - I don't know how relationships survive when you hardly see each other.

I got with DH when i was a single mum on benefits. although only had one DC at the time. I have to say it was hard to adjust when he moved in, and it was very tempting to put him off moving in but we were in love and wanted to be a family. and it pissed me off in the same way that I lost everything, and I do agree that the benefits system (rightly) looks after lone parents but couldnt give a shit about the working poor. But I am glad I took a chance on DH as we have DD now and I am have just started a cleaning business. i work when DS is at school and my mum can have DD. we are not that well off but we are doing OK, better than we were, and I feel proud we are doing things the right way.