To be considering kicking DP out so I can go back on benefits, fed up of being fucked financially?

[worriedsinglemum]

I have namechanged for this. Its tongue in cheek, I wouldn't really, I love him, he really is great and a good "stepdad" to my dc. they adore him and I love living with him but I hate constantly struggling.

DP moved in with me and my 2 dc few months ago and I had been a single mum on benefits for a while up till that point. We informed the relevant authorities and my HB and IS was stopped completely and my child tax credit has been cut by about a 3rd. We get about £50 a week CTC (for now, have just filled in renewal so could change, and, I suspect, won't be for the better) plus child benefit. X doesnt work so he can't contribute towards DC. I can't believe how skint we are since he has moved in and TBH it is already affecting our (usually great) relationship in lots of shitty ways. we can't afford anything other than the bare basics and I am sick of having no spare money.

He earns 22k. He pays the rent and CT at my place, which is £500. He pays £250 a month maintenance to X who he has dc with, he has debts which the repayments are about £200 pcm at the moment. Then with food, gas, electric, dc clothes and his diesel to get to work on top, All of that comes to more than he earns. So the rest is covered by the CTC and CB I receive. When we lived separately he was in a houseshare so his rent/bills were minimal and we had lots of nights out etc and treats, we even went on holiday abroad for a week. That won't happen this year.

I can't really work in the day atm as the childcare would wipe out anything I could earn. (dc are 2 and 4 so only one in school and thats only pt) I am looking for evening work but there is bugger all about atm. And it would be shit to have to go out to work in the evening, we'd barely see eachother.

I'm sick of it. I was so much happier in some ways as a single parent. But I want to be a proper family and all live under the same roof.

oh stinks not sticks. Still dont get it though doubly now

I feel for your predicament but your post does grate a bit - benefits are supposed to be there to provide a cushion for those who really need it to live. They're not there to fund nights out and holidays

^^ this really resonated with me. That's kind of my point. It's shit that I had a better life on benefits than living in a working family. And I did, me and the kids had better stuff and we could easily afford the odd night out and when we went on holiday.

Also, the person who asked who minded my dc when I used to go on nights out etc, my parents used to. But they still work full time so are not able to help me out with childcare should I get a day job. And even if they could, I would not expect them to do it for free.

There are other weekend/evening jobs besides supermarkets.

Hotels, restaurants, care sector, pubs. Or again, make your own work - Avon, Betterware, cards offering pet walking/sitting or errand-running, etc.

Gotta be creative in these times.

Again, if he's on a debt management plan he needs to contact his provider and let them know his circumstances have changed. There may be scope for reduced payments or a new plan with reduced payments.

I've started car booting

not very glamorous but made a few quid

aaaaaaanyway...OP YABU.

This man moves in and pays your rent, council tax and utilities and you are moaning? Sheesh!

take in ironing?

WSM, your kids didn't have a better life because you were on benefits rather than being in a working family. If your partner did not already have children, your kids would now financially be better off in a working family.

But your partner already has kids that he pays for, so your kids now don't have the same financial support that they would do if you were part of a working household with no other caring responsibilities.

This is always going to be the case. Your household now has more caring responsibilities than your previous household did, so you are poorer. This will remain the case whether both of you work, one of you works or neither of you work.

By getting into a relationship with each other, you have both taken on responsibilities for additional children. This has had an impact on the income of both of you.

The 'get a job' line of argument is irrelevant. You and your partner are financially worse off together than you would be apart, and that will remain the same whatever your working habits are.

People locally charge £8 per hour ironing, you could do it when the Lo's are in bed at night. Or nowish since you have time to post on Mumsnet.

If your Ex-husband/partner is unemployed (and living fairly local) he can childmind whilst you go out to paid employment.

(or have I cross-posted with others who have pointed this out?)

Oh dear, poor you. So you are now skint because the tax payer isn't funding your lifestyle anymore.

If your XP doesn't work, why can't you get a job and he can care for your children whilst you are working, or get an evening job and your DP can look after them?

You need to learn to stand on your own two feet.

You have an extended family of at least 4 children (you don't say how many DC's your DP has but presuming at least 2). I would suggest very few families with 4 kids and only one adult working could afford lots of treats and holidays. In fact up until the last couple of years DH and I couldn't afford more than camping holidays and we both work, and we only have 3 kids. I would have loved to stay at home with my littlest DS until he started school but we couldn't afford it. So no, struggling to have much sympathy, TBH, given that I have been working all this time to help pay for your benefits and now you're moaning.

Your partner needs to sort out his debt payments.200 pcm is an awful lot, what is his total amount due? He should really have paid this off when he was flatsharing. Was this what paid for the holidays/nights out?

Milly R I don't see your logic.

There seem to be four adults caring for about four children, it is hardly unreasonable to expect that between them all they can earn enough to care for themselves without having to rely on the government.

I'm not getting at OP. I understand that she will be better off single because of the system that we have but really people need to start taking responsibility for themselves rather than sit back and whinge about the state of our schools and other services whilst all the time taking and not giving.

It's shit that I had a better life on benefits than living in a working family. And I did, me and the kids had better stuff and we could easily afford the odd night out and when we went on holiday.

This here is the problem with society these days. This "I am living on benefits because I can afford a holiday and a flat screen tv" shite has to stop! no wonder so many people feel this is a better way of life for them. Wake up and smell the cheap own brand coffee op because this here is called the real world!!

You can have a holiday. Save up the sun vouchers, dp's aunt did this for us and were off to cumbria for a week in september! A weeks holiday for under 70squid! Can't beat it!

I really hope that you choose the right path in what your next move is. The satisfaction of earning your own money and being able to pay for a daytrip because you've worked bloody hard for the cash is way more satisfying than the free money from the government. It all comes down to pride I guess.

I can sympathise op ,its crap being skint

these sort of threads always end up with loads of get a job or I don't pay my taxes type posts

hope you can work something out

I have worked more or less every weekend for the past 16 years. From when my DC's were 3 and 5. I made up for it in the holidays and spent time with them then. I did what it takes to have a good living because I didn't want to be poor and on benefits when I ended up on my own with two small children.

So YABU. Why do so many people think others will fund their lifestyle?

Or Tesco vouchers, our holiday this year are "free" thanks to Tesco at a caravan park.

boilingpoint well said. I agree. I have been away from MN for a while as my opinions seem to differ from the accepted MN viewpoint. Nice to read posts I could have typed myself.....but probably too chicken to do so.....

Yes the flat screen tv is still around ,Cyclops99

Why do so many people think others will fund their lifestyle?

because they are continually told they are "entitled"

though how someone in their mid 30s who has never worked through choice literally one day in their lives, can be entitled, I have no idea

oooh entitled has made an appearance

I really detest people saying "there is just no work" because it is bollocks! there is always work - Supermarkets, Warehouse picking, fast food outlets, cleaning, farm work..that just names a few, no they are not ideal and are not careers however it is work and it pays money at the end of the month.

....Said by Boilingpoint who is lucky enough to pop out to work leaving DP home looking after the kids.

Not so much of it available for those who are single parents and dont have a partner to look after the kids while they do a few shifts at tesco/local pub.

Or did you not mean those sort of people?

I wondered when the "e" word would come up :) took quite a while actually.....

Anyway, just wanted to say, I HAVE worked, I am 30 now and worked full time for ten years up until when I had my first dc at 26. So I am not some "entitled" "layabout" that has never worked and has no intention of it.

Also at the thought of me "taking in ironing" for extra cash, sounds great but, lets just say, that kind of thing wouldn't happen in my neighbourhood :o

But it's true, usual. She's going to have to get a job or keep living like that or kick the partner out. Most people have tried to be helpful. But that's how it is. He could try for bankrupcy on the debt, I guess.