To be considering kicking DP out so I can go back on benefits, fed up of being fucked financially?

[worriedsinglemum]

I have namechanged for this. Its tongue in cheek, I wouldn't really, I love him, he really is great and a good "stepdad" to my dc. they adore him and I love living with him but I hate constantly struggling.

DP moved in with me and my 2 dc few months ago and I had been a single mum on benefits for a while up till that point. We informed the relevant authorities and my HB and IS was stopped completely and my child tax credit has been cut by about a 3rd. We get about £50 a week CTC (for now, have just filled in renewal so could change, and, I suspect, won't be for the better) plus child benefit. X doesnt work so he can't contribute towards DC. I can't believe how skint we are since he has moved in and TBH it is already affecting our (usually great) relationship in lots of shitty ways. we can't afford anything other than the bare basics and I am sick of having no spare money.

He earns 22k. He pays the rent and CT at my place, which is £500. He pays £250 a month maintenance to X who he has dc with, he has debts which the repayments are about £200 pcm at the moment. Then with food, gas, electric, dc clothes and his diesel to get to work on top, All of that comes to more than he earns. So the rest is covered by the CTC and CB I receive. When we lived separately he was in a houseshare so his rent/bills were minimal and we had lots of nights out etc and treats, we even went on holiday abroad for a week. That won't happen this year.

I can't really work in the day atm as the childcare would wipe out anything I could earn. (dc are 2 and 4 so only one in school and thats only pt) I am looking for evening work but there is bugger all about atm. And it would be shit to have to go out to work in the evening, we'd barely see eachother.

I'm sick of it. I was so much happier in some ways as a single parent. But I want to be a proper family and all live under the same roof.

Geography is a factor i believe,Usual. I'm in the capital,so more people chasing jobs.

I have often said - when I was a single parent on benefits I was ok finantically. As soon as my ex moved in with me I realised what it was like to struggle. He worked full time for minimum wage yes still we were worse off than I was alone on benefits.

I'm not in the capital and the pub is right near a massive council estate ..I know several people who applied for jobs and didn't get one, including my SIL despite him being in the pub trade for several years .So its not always as easy as some people think to get bar work

It seems impossible to get part time supermarket work where I am too. In the middle of a city.

No one is saying it's easy, usual, just that if she wants her standard of living to change in the years before he's finished paying his debt she's going to have to either get work or drum some up (Avon, Ebay shop, Etsy, dog walking, what have you).

Who are these people who can afford foreign holidays, nights out and takeaways on benefit. That was never my experience. Things like that make me go hmmmm..............

I live in a university town ,so lots of students chasing part time work too.

Welcome to the world of living as a couple with kids - the group that has no voice because we all need to be sympathetic to single parent families. Living as a couple isn't financially easy as the op has illustrated. Being a single parent can be financially better.

Mothersnacker - my experience was like that.

I was a single parent on income support for 2 years whilst the kids were young. In that time we went on holiday to Ibiza one year and a 3 day trip to London and Legoland the other year. We had take-aways around once a month and always had a bit of spare money for the odd cinema/bowling trip. Not boasting, just saying it IS possible to live decently on benefits.

When ex moved in we had £0 for ANYTHING. The idea of going on a foreign holiday was actually laughable. A day trip to Alton Towers had to be saved up for for an entire year. Ridiculous.

No its not easy I know that ,and yes, if she wants more money she will have to find a way to earn it or her dp will have to sort his debts out ,but I don't think she deserved all the nasty get a job you scrounger posts

MY SIL seemed to manage foreign holidays and a good standard of living whilst on benefits. She now works full time and money's tight. but she earns her own money....

well I don't know anyone on benefits that has had several foreign holidays ..but there you go

Strangely enough my SIL works at the local benefits office and is always rather shy and quiet until she gets asked about work......I'm afraid the story she tells is that most of the people who come into her office DON'T want to work and also that very few are British born.......

when my dp went to the benefits office because he had been made redundant again...I can assure you he did want to work.

But that wouldn't fit into your nice Daily Mail rant now would it

I don't think anybody has been nasty everyone understands the realities of the situation.

I think alot of people are quite fed up of people expecting the government to give them a (in some cases) better standard of living than other people who work really long hours and have a strong work ethic.

This is why elderly people have to sell their homes for care needs and there isn't enough enough for essential services. It's all take, take, take, me, me, me. It's a culture that has developed over time and now makes people dependent on the state. Labour increased this dependency and it is so entrenched now that everytime any government tries to change it they get shouted down.

Op, as others have said you could easily find an evening job for a couple of nights a week if you really try.

Also, regardless of whether you are actually better off on benefits, wouldn't it be better for your DC'S to grow up realising that as long as your healthy you should be motivated and go to work and earn your money instead of being handed it on a plate?

'well I don't know anyone on benefits that has had several foreign holidays ..but there you go'

I do. I know people who have what I'd consider a pretty good lifestyle. But I do not know if they're in debt or getting money from relatives. Don't really care, either .

'well I don't know anyone on benefits that has had several foreign holidays ..but there you go'

I do. I know people who have what I'd consider a pretty good lifestyle. But I do not know if they're in debt or getting money from relatives. Don't really care, either.

Me too Expat. Half my estate tbh. In fact, only last month my neighbour (who doesn't work) asked me to water her plants and feed her cat when her, her bloke and 4 kids went disneyland paris for the week.

Benefit bashing by stealth.

Disneyland paris my arse.

ffs

I defended the op anorl

It's not benefits-bashing, Mother. I live in a council building. I do know people who have a pretty good lifestyle (not just in here, either). Again, I don't know if they have debts or someone gives it to them or not. But I do know people who have a nice house, car, garden, activities, etc. and they are on benefits. Their business and life, of course. But they are on benefits and don't work.

I can assure you that they did mothersnacker I'm not "bashing" benefits (or her), just stating facts.

and what expat said ^^

I also know people who sell drugs in here. Again, as long as they're quiet, I don't really care.