To be considering kicking DP out so I can go back on benefits, fed up of being fucked financially?

[worriedsinglemum]

I have namechanged for this. Its tongue in cheek, I wouldn't really, I love him, he really is great and a good "stepdad" to my dc. they adore him and I love living with him but I hate constantly struggling.

DP moved in with me and my 2 dc few months ago and I had been a single mum on benefits for a while up till that point. We informed the relevant authorities and my HB and IS was stopped completely and my child tax credit has been cut by about a 3rd. We get about £50 a week CTC (for now, have just filled in renewal so could change, and, I suspect, won't be for the better) plus child benefit. X doesnt work so he can't contribute towards DC. I can't believe how skint we are since he has moved in and TBH it is already affecting our (usually great) relationship in lots of shitty ways. we can't afford anything other than the bare basics and I am sick of having no spare money.

He earns 22k. He pays the rent and CT at my place, which is £500. He pays £250 a month maintenance to X who he has dc with, he has debts which the repayments are about £200 pcm at the moment. Then with food, gas, electric, dc clothes and his diesel to get to work on top, All of that comes to more than he earns. So the rest is covered by the CTC and CB I receive. When we lived separately he was in a houseshare so his rent/bills were minimal and we had lots of nights out etc and treats, we even went on holiday abroad for a week. That won't happen this year.

I can't really work in the day atm as the childcare would wipe out anything I could earn. (dc are 2 and 4 so only one in school and thats only pt) I am looking for evening work but there is bugger all about atm. And it would be shit to have to go out to work in the evening, we'd barely see eachother.

I'm sick of it. I was so much happier in some ways as a single parent. But I want to be a proper family and all live under the same roof.

I have worked with people on estates like the OP's. Coming from an area with very low wages and very low unemployment it really shocked me exactly how well people on benefits lived and how they seemed to want everything from the government but gave nothing in return. It's a culture which is why the OP doesn't see why she should work.

yes they all have swimming pools now don't they

Not around here, it's all flats .

Bet they all have big fuck off tvs though ,expat and porsches

Sadly, me too - don't know what benefits this particular person is on - but she has a 3 bed house, went to France last year, Disneyland the year before, goes to London at least once a year for a long weekend. Maybe her family helps her out and I'm certainly glad for the kids - but it would be easier to cope with if she had worked at any point in her life and didn't laugh at people (whom she calls 'mugs' and 'suits') who work.

blimey ,there's more of em crawling out the woodwork now

or not

One chick does have a massive fuck off TV, and it's mounted to the wall. I can see it from a mate's flat, and it always worries me because this place is full of damp so if it's not a partition wall, there's a good chance it'll fall out. Think hers is mounted to a joists in a partition wall, though, as we viewed that flat once . . .

The neighbours have a nice car, but the lady's partner works and she has lots of children. They need a fairly big car!

She probably got her TV from BrightHouse at 2,000% APR.

I know it is shit to be skint. But I have very little sympathy for the op. She has been able to be sahm, and live on benefits, and not work, go on holidays and have nights out. Maybe it really is time you face the real world, and get a job? Any job. Even evening work, if you are a couple and your new partner can look after your kids. Dh and I both work full time, and I have also had an evening job two evenings per week this year. Nights out? ha.....

I am sorry, I think you have just been spoilt by the insane benefits system that the previous government gifted to the people.

'She probably got her TV from BrightHouse at 2,000% APR.'

Believe me, I have no desire to find out. Living room looks nice, though. Good taste in wallpaper :o.

My Sil used to supplement her benefits with cash in hand cleaning. Not judging, just saying......

I know people who supplement theirs with, erm, cash-in-hand sales positions :o.

How do people know so much about their neighbours?
I've lived here 16 years and I couldn't tell you hardly anything about anyone.

I couldn't give a fuck what they claim anyway.

Well that's where the hols come from, not benefit. If you don't have family help, cash in hand or sell drugs benefits don't pay for disneyland paris. Unless I forgot to claim my free holiday with my free school meals or my takeaway vouchers alongside the healthy start vouchers.

Fuckinghell, I might as well read the Daily Mail.

'How do people know so much about their neighbours?'

It's a block of flats with paper thin walls. It's hard not to know.

You should have ticked the free holiday box on your application form ..everyone knows that

When I saw this, I knew it was a benefit-bashing-by-stealth thread.

The clue is in the title.

I see we've already got onto how fantastically easy it is to be a single mum on benefits cos you get loadsa dosh, world on a plate etc.

YY flippinada ..its had it all ,foreign holidays,big tvs ,sense of entitlement blah blah blah

TBH it's all completely irrelevant how people have lived in the past. Or the rights or wrongs of it all...

the op is peed off being skint and has received some great advice about making a bit of cash. I pay my cleaner £10 oer hour. I pay her the same rate to iron, look after my chickens etc. She can do it all at her own convenienbce. She has DC who often come with her during school holidays. I don't care.

I also pay babysitters £6 per hour so that's over £25 for a night out.

But if it were me, what I'd be seriously considering is how I could get myself in a psoition where I could earn decent money in the future and wihtout wanting to come across all Xenia-esque, that's somehting we should impress upon all our DDs, no?

OP's partner paying out to his kids is irrelevant. What if he had no kids but earned half of what he does? She has to live with the reality of their combined disposable income.

When I was young my dad worked FT mon- fri and my mum worked weekends and some nightshifts.

My husband and I work. I earn barely enough to cover childcare. There's also fat chance we'll ever get a mortgage. I don't see why I should pay for the OP to save up for one.

Get an evening or weekend job or force your pathetic loser of an ex to look after your children while you work. Or does he have any family who will mind them?

I think the OP made a big mistake by admitting that the partner moved in. She would have been better off claiming as a single mum but having him live there and pretend he was living somewhere else.

The fear is that his ex might have dobbed them in but said ex will then have shot herself in the foot if he then declared he had to support the OP's kids

I have seen this situation a few times. This is all tongue in cheek btw.

OK firstly the bad person in the OP's situation is her XP who will neither pay towards his DC nor look after the4m so she can hold down a job. The bad people in the wider sense of all this 'hardworking but poor vs lazy tossers on benefits'? Well how about the hugely wealthy corporations who employ loads of unskilled workers on zero-hours contracts and do everything they can to get round the minumum wage? How about the big businesses who insist that if the minimum wage was put up to the level of being a a living wage they would have to relocate to the third world in order to be able to continue to pay people about 50p a day?

And I have about 5 jobs and am still on benefits (oh and before you pick up the phone to dob me in as a 'cheat' bear in mind that I get WTC and housing benefit, both of which are benefits you get when you work but don't earn much.) I have debts, partly down to the fact that all my jobs involve an unpredicatble level of income and most of the people I work for are erratic payers, with loads of 'Oh sorry love, someone forgot to put the invoice through in time/cashflow's a bit tight just now/we can't give you any hours this week'. Every time I think things are about to stabilize, one of the jobs crashes and burns completely. And no, I can't get a 'proper job'. I worked for 20 years in an industry that's now almost obsolete, my skills are outdated, I am 'too old' for a lot of the jobs I could do, 'overqualified' and 'not enough relevant experience' for the rest.

Well, it seems to me you have two options

1. Bite the bullet and work evenings
2. Your DP moves out, and puts your extra income into paying down his debts. You say that will take two years, I assume that's on the minimum repayment? If your income will go up if he's moved out put that difference into the debts and you'll probably be able to get them paid down in under a year. Then move in together and you'll have £200 more a month.

Stop thinking day-to-day and start thinking about where you want to be in five years time. Yes, it's a sacrifice, but people make sacrifices.

And - being a stay at home mum is a serious luxury these days.

SGB - I totally agree with you. But we are where we are, and the OP won't be doing herself much of a favour if she just stays where she is, blaming her ex. You play the cards you're dealt.