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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my Mum should offer a little financial help

308 replies

muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 15:20

If you are struggling to make ends meet and your parents (well just my Mum in my case) know about this do you think they should offer you some kind of financial help if they can? Just wondering everyone's take on this, don't want to go into personal details particularly but it grates just a little bit when my Mum is buying and selling properties and investing lots of money alongside taking a holiday abroad every few months. I told her about a debt situation and she said 'well, our money is all tied up'. This is towards her pension.
I don't expect hand outs but just the odd bit of help would be appreciated.
What do others parents do, if anything?

OP posts:
katvond · 31/05/2011 19:16

Why's that? It's ok to mention your mothers DH and whinge about him but not your own. Something not right here but will follow it through.
Sorry OP but when you fucking whinge on here all facts need to be considered

scuzy · 31/05/2011 19:17

what does he think of you wanting to go to his MIL to bail you out? does he even know your in debt?

ps you prob paid 3 times the price of your wedding dress on the debenhams card!! seriously cut them up!!

scuzy · 31/05/2011 19:17

reckon he doesnt know katvond ... poor man

forehead · 31/05/2011 19:18

No

tyler80 · 31/05/2011 19:18

There's all this talk about parent's hard earned money but for some (a lot?) it's not earned at all and is the result of house price inflation.

My (baby boomer) parents were happy to give us some money towards a house deposit, they didn't really consider it money they'd earned as they'd put no effort into doing so. Just got lucky with rising house prices.

scuzy · 31/05/2011 19:20

Forehead

No

?????

wordfactory · 31/05/2011 19:22

I wouldn't care if my cash were hard earned or won of the lottery...I would want to see my DC and their children comfortable.

Those banquets on board cruises would choke me if I thought my grandchildren were doing without. Really they would.

scuzy · 31/05/2011 19:25

doing without is one thing wordfactory and i agree.... but in this case its interest accumulated on credit cards on OP's frivilous spending spree

manticlimactic · 31/05/2011 19:25

I'm not materialistic at all. I'm really not. I just can't manage my money.

Perhaps she knows this and isn't offering because maybe she'll be throwing good money after bad if you can't manage your money. You could be in the same position again.

My mum bailed out my sister a few times yet time and time again she's gone cap in hand (even after going bankrupt). The last straw was when we tried to help her out with her spending habits. Went to CAB with her, setting up a budget for her, paid baliffs for an overdue payment then she goes and steals £500 from my mums bank account with her card with no remorse apart from being upset she got caught. We've learnt now that bailing her out only gave her a sense of entitlement and only when we all refused to help her she realised after hitting rock bottom and she was on her own she faced up to her spending habits.

And as for your attitude about how your mum spends her money, I have to day you're sounding mightily like my sister.

scarletfingernail · 31/05/2011 19:28

You're right Tyler, it's not always hard earned money. Sometimes people do just get lucky.

My opinion is still the same though. To me it's irrelevant whether my parents earned their money or got lucky. It's theirs to do as they please with and I have no claim on it just because I'm their daughter.

(By the by really as my parents have even less money than me Sad)

wordfactory · 31/05/2011 19:29

scuzy I know that and I'm not saying it's ideal...but those horrendous interest rates can cripple a family and DC do end up going without...so I think I'd still have to help, albeit whilst extracting a promise that it wouldn't happen again.

scuzy · 31/05/2011 19:31

and that would be very decent of you ... and would probably do the same. but reading the OP's comments throughout this thread I have little sympathy for her.

wordfactory · 31/05/2011 19:35

I figure we all make mistakes.

And the younger generation (I don't know why OP, but I'm assuming you're not an old bag like me) have had a tricky time of it, what with rising housing costs and the ever prevalent onslaught from the media of what everyone should have.

katvond · 31/05/2011 19:37

I'm with Scuzy on this one and been on this thread from the begining. The OP as gone from being sympathetic to her plight to downright brattish. Everyone needs to read the whole thing. She overspent on credit cards and wants mommy to bail her out. Her debt her overspending, her problem.

katvond · 31/05/2011 19:41

I'd love the bigger house, the nicer car etc etc. I know that's never going to happen so I'm happy with what I have got. I don't overspend as I can't afford to do it, me and DH don't have credit cards. I did all that in my 20's. You must live within your means.

scuzy · 31/05/2011 19:42

comments here and there make her come across as very materialisitic. yes we all make mistakes, yes we all under budget and then have to make sacrafices to pay it back... its all part and parcel ofgrowing up. but no one here EXPECTS to be bailed out like the OP, i get the feeling she almost banked on it before going awol with the credit cards.

bleedingstill · 31/05/2011 19:43

NO.

I've been incredibly poor but it did not cross my mind to ask my parents to give or lend money, or to expect them to notice, and offer
. I find it quite a strange concept

scuzy · 31/05/2011 19:44

she should give more time to how she spends her money rather than watchin how mother spend hers.

QuintessentialOldMoo · 31/05/2011 19:44

Even helping parents in old age is no guarantee they will help you out of an unforeseen economic problem, even if they are extremely wealthy, they will most likely say they worked hard for their money, and need it for themselves.

You should not expect anything.

usualsuspect · 31/05/2011 19:46

I wouldn't enjoy spending my money (if I actually had any) if I knew my DCs and DGCs were struggling

reelingintheyears · 31/05/2011 19:51

I agree usual...

But i wouldn't expect my Mum to give me money either.

katvond · 31/05/2011 19:53

At the end of the day we only have one version of this, the OPs version, I bet her mother as a different take on this. I can imagine her mom saying that they have bailed her out time and time again and won't do it again as she never learns her lesson. This I suspect is the true story.

maras2 · 31/05/2011 19:55

Trip trap etc. (yes I have read the entire thread).

reelingintheyears · 31/05/2011 19:56

katvond Smile

usualsuspect · 31/05/2011 19:56

No I agree my DDs don't expect it

DS on the other hand.........

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