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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my Mum should offer a little financial help

308 replies

muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 15:20

If you are struggling to make ends meet and your parents (well just my Mum in my case) know about this do you think they should offer you some kind of financial help if they can? Just wondering everyone's take on this, don't want to go into personal details particularly but it grates just a little bit when my Mum is buying and selling properties and investing lots of money alongside taking a holiday abroad every few months. I told her about a debt situation and she said 'well, our money is all tied up'. This is towards her pension.
I don't expect hand outs but just the odd bit of help would be appreciated.
What do others parents do, if anything?

OP posts:
skybluepearl · 31/05/2011 18:51

i think it depends a bit on if you have just frittered money away or have been careful with money.

being a mum i'd want to support my kids a bit financially but with set things - like money towards a first house deposit/a wedding/some college fees/first baby etc. .. i wouldn't want to play bank of mum and dad cos kids can't budget.

muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 18:51

A silly point about baby boomers as if they have all had it easy where some obviously haven't..

OP posts:
wordfactory · 31/05/2011 18:53

pag I know not all boomers ahd it easy...but I do think young people have it dreadfully hard now what with university fees, house prices etc

You can have two people in full time employment and they still can't afford a home or a family.

katvond · 31/05/2011 18:53

Still pandering to the OPs brattish behaviour are we?
Can't believe this thread is still going if I'm honest.
:) :) :) :) :)

expatinscotland · 31/05/2011 18:54

Well, my parents aren't boomers. My father was born during The Great Depression and my mother during WWII.

My father grew up dirt poor and worked from the time he was 7, when his first job was accompanying the milkman on his float. The man would drive, my father would jump off the float and collect or deliver the bottles of milk.

Everything he earned par a few pence for pocket money went to his mother, who used it to feed and clothe everyone. Even as teens, they turned over their wages to their mother, who gave them pocket money and the rest went to keep everyone fed and watered.

So no, I don't think he should bail me out of debt and if he offered, I wouldn't take it.

If you are struggling to pay your minimum payments then go get some help - there's a lot of free charities out there or even your local council might be able to help.

Ultimately, we went through our council, who has a registered money adviser on staff, to set up a formal plan for us, but we have no assets, savings or property and are on a very low wage.

skybluepearl · 31/05/2011 18:54

also wouldnt see my kids/grand kids go without a fridge, cooker or bed

muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 18:54

My family history is full of bail outs, some quite extreme. skybluepearl I agree you shouldn't be bank of Mum and Dad, it's teaching your kids nothing about budgeting. My own wedding cost £165 btw.

OP posts:
katvond · 31/05/2011 18:55

The OP as a harm her problem is her mother goes on holiday and she doesn't. It's all Me me me

muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 18:55

Sorry extra to that my dress was £110 quid on a Debenhams card, paid off in three months.

OP posts:
muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 18:56

katvond I have many problems with the holidays, I am just jealous. I want to go to these places too.

OP posts:
katvond · 31/05/2011 18:57

Oh OP so now you don't want your parents to bail you out? Change of tune I see.

muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 18:57

I think that makes me fairly normal. I don't begrudge my mother her holidays, I do begrudge my stepdad freeloading off her inheritance. (there now, I've said it)

OP posts:
wordfactory · 31/05/2011 18:57

expat your independence is laudable. But maybe your parents wouldn't mind helping out. Maybe it would give them as much pleasure as a cruise...I dunno, I just see families as a continuum with everyone doing what they can.

If you're having it good then why not help out thos ethat aren't?
Everyhting has a way of working out.

katvond · 31/05/2011 18:59

Jealousy is an evil thing, you got a house, clean house,health, food in your cupboards?? And your still jealous? You need to see a shrink I think.
The green-eyed monster won't get you anywhere in life.

muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 18:59

I never wanted to be bailed out I wanted to ask what people thought of parents helping out with money. I was going to suggest paying off my debts using some of my Mum's money and paying her back at a higher interest rate than her current saving account offers. Trying to beat the banks, I suppose, but based on what others have said about money in family, I realise that wouldn't have been a good move.

OP posts:
muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 18:59

I'm seeing a shrink, thanks.

OP posts:
bellavita · 31/05/2011 19:00

Fernie, I am so glad you said "not that ancient"... I cannot say I am mid-forties anymore after August as I will be 46 (and DH is already 50) - we are young at heart Grin.

OP my brother uses my parents as bank of mum and dad (he is 43) and this is all of his own doing. It pisses me off tbh.

katvond · 31/05/2011 19:01

So it's your stepdad now. If your mom allows him to do this it's her business not yours. He makes her happy. Where's your DH in all of this? Not heard him mentioned once.

katvond · 31/05/2011 19:01

Is the shrink free or private?

zukiecat · 31/05/2011 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 19:09

The shrink is nhs

OP posts:
scarletfingernail · 31/05/2011 19:10

YABU

It makes me angry to read that people expect their parents to help out financially. Why on earth should they? Love has nothing to do with it. My parents have not helped me financially since the day I left home and I would not accept and certainly not expect them to if I was struggling. No way. I would not want my kids to grow up knowing their grandparents' hard earned money paid for them to be clothed or fed let alone pay for holidays or frivolous items for the house. That's my job as a responsible parent.

And you are BVU to begrudge whatever your Mum does choose to spend her money on. Stepdad or not, your Mum is entitled to as many holidays as she wants if she's paying for them.

I hope I will bring my own DS up to learn how to manage his finances well and to have the same morals and values I have when it comes to scrounging versus being independent. I wouldn't seem him destitute or homeless but I certainly won't be bailing him out if he's been foolish with money. And I love him with every fibre of my being.

katvond · 31/05/2011 19:10

Zukie your experience is different from the OPs she's not once mentioned her DH she's not left an abusive relationship, she's a spoilt jealous brat who stamps her feet as mommy won't bail her out as shes in debt due to overspending

muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 19:13

I don't want to mention my DH,ok?

OP posts:
Fernie3 · 31/05/2011 19:16

Bellavita - Grin I don't even know why he said that I was just meaning that he didnt grow up in a tent city in the depression or anything lol.