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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my Mum should offer a little financial help

308 replies

muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 15:20

If you are struggling to make ends meet and your parents (well just my Mum in my case) know about this do you think they should offer you some kind of financial help if they can? Just wondering everyone's take on this, don't want to go into personal details particularly but it grates just a little bit when my Mum is buying and selling properties and investing lots of money alongside taking a holiday abroad every few months. I told her about a debt situation and she said 'well, our money is all tied up'. This is towards her pension.
I don't expect hand outs but just the odd bit of help would be appreciated.
What do others parents do, if anything?

OP posts:
scuzy · 31/05/2011 16:50

well surely you realised it wasnt aimed at you usualsuspect then whats with the reply?????

usualsuspect · 31/05/2011 16:52

First time I've been called a troll on MN

scuzy · 31/05/2011 16:53

well i wasnt the only one who asked ... your reply was suspicious. apologies if i am wrong.

again, my reply wasnt aimed at you so no need to get all bothered.

scuzy · 31/05/2011 16:54

and i dont believe i used the "T" word lol

usualsuspect · 31/05/2011 16:55

Grin at my suspicious posting

MotherSnacker · 31/05/2011 17:03

If I have the cash to help my kids out as adults I will. Not if they are reckless with the money though.

desperatelyseekingsnoozes · 31/05/2011 17:03

I think YABU. We are in a fortunate position to be able to help out family members but if we ever thought this was expected we would stop.

Original poster
muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 17:04

thanks curtaincall. A lesson learned.

OP posts:
HorseWhisperer · 31/05/2011 17:06

When I read the initial your OP I thought you were not BU. Having read your subsequent posts I am astounded at your sense of entitlement and inability to really grasp that your mother and step father can spend their money however they wish. You sound bitter, jealous, immature and as someone above says petulant. I am not in the least bit surprised your mother is not offering you a penny.

YBVU. However, at least you realise that you need to manage your money better. Stop worrying about what other people have, it clearly has not helped you and has only made you really resentful. Very self-destructive.

bbbbob · 31/05/2011 17:07

Well your responses are starting to sound a tad immature.
You seem to see everything in monetary terms. Maybe your mum wasn't in a position to take you on holiday when you were young.

Original poster
muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 17:08

I am bitter because a lot of difficult things happened in my past where I felt I was not supported by her. I will obviously have to sort that out along with my debts.

OP posts:
Original poster
muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 17:09

I'm talking about any holiday, camping up the road, day trips...oh whatever, move on and grow up.Blush

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 31/05/2011 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 17:11

too right BeerTricks

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 31/05/2011 17:12

muttimalzwei

Thats AIBU for you

Its quite mad atm

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 31/05/2011 17:13

muttimalzwei... Yes, it does sound as if there are more currents under the surface that have made you feel angry and let down. Do you really think these could be solved by mere money though?

Do you spend any time with your Mum, talking things through? If not, it would be a good idea, before you let these things seriously break down your relationship. If you think your relationship with your Mum isn't good, she probably feels the same and is very sad about it.

BTW... are you in or from Germany/Austria? (from your username)

worraliberty · 31/05/2011 17:14

Spudulika, thank you. I am getting a bit tired of the indulgence of pensioners I see around me

I'm genuinely gobsmacked at that Shock

Yes how dare they indulge themselves with their own money they've been putting by all their working life Hmm

In fact, I think you should set yourself up as a charity...then every time you get yourself into debt, the old folks can stump up the cash and get you out of it....

Original poster
muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 17:17

I can't really talk to her as she just doesn't get it. She seems to try to keep things very 'light' and accuses me of moaning when I am just telling her about a particular situation, as a daughter would to her Mum. She has actually told me not to phone with problems but think about it and phone her the day after, when I have thought things through. Her relationship with my step dad causes difficulties as he is quite controlling and I can't really stand how she has changed to fit in with him. So I suppose I could resent him and the money thing is just a symptom of wanting more quality time with her.

OP posts:
Original poster
muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 17:19

There are indulgent pensioners around and you will know what I am talking about if you know any.

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 31/05/2011 17:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

katvond · 31/05/2011 17:22

Next time my mom and dad go to western supermare for the day I will tell them off, how very dare they go on spend my inheritance

Original poster
muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 17:23

I suppose I've just got pensioner envy

OP posts:
mummyosaurus · 31/05/2011 17:23

I have an old school friends whose's parent brought her cars, bailed her out when she was thousands of pounds in debt, helped her through 2 bankruptcies, and the list goes on.

She is such a financial mess she will never sort herself out. Why? Because every time she faced a difficulty, bank of mum and dad rushed in to help.

I've known them all a long time, and her parents did what they did out of love, but she has never learnt to stand on her own two feet and I think it's probably too late now. When they are gone she will spiral into relative poverty.

My own parents have helped me out on two occasions when I have been in dire straights, through no real fault of my own. My mum matched what I saved for my first car. I am grateful to them for ensuring I stood on my own two feet, especially when I hear from my friend about her latest deepening financial mess.

Maybe your mum could help you, maybe she thinks you need to help yourself. I hope your situation improves soon.

Original poster
muttimalzwei · 31/05/2011 17:24

Ta, I'll make sure it does.

OP posts:
katvond · 31/05/2011 17:27

Pensioner envy? Have you heard yourself OP?
Stop whinging you know naff all most pensioners have suffered, ww2 etc. Most pensioner can't afford heat or food you selfish selfish fool.

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