To have high expecations of myself as a furture mother.

[Liby]

I am planning to
-not use dummies
-not let my kids eat junk food
-no disney
-no barbies/bratz
-extra homework most evenings
-chidren will learn another language
-same with musical instrument
-computer games/tv etc limited to weekends
-to grow vegetables with my DC
-take them to museums regularly
-read with them/to them everynight
-cook with them regularly
-To say no and mean no and have high expecations of behaviour at all times.

probably loads more. Im I being unreasonable??

Honeydragon, the only place that's hard to get into is (bizarrely!) the under 5's area! Not sure about a place to lock up pushchair, I just wheeled mine around which mainly meant chasing after ds while it was at the other side of the room. It was fine!

The Laing has a lovely under 5's area and has lockers. Seven Stories also has lockers and is worth a trip. Don't miss Play Tyne at the Science Discovery wotsit museum - it's a waterplay model of the Tyne but beware, kiddies get SOAKED, have to bring a change of clothes. Newcastle rocks for toddlers, it really does..

Cool

Ds is 8 and dd 18mnths and active so sounds ideal

well expat, there's naive and then there is really naive

this has got to be one of the funniest threads in such a long time

i have to keep logging on just to read all of your lovely updates

must admit i was very naive about the childbirth bit

"I am planning to
-not use dummies - agreed and managed
-not let my kids eat junk food - avoided as much as poss but it's impossible to avoid forever, sorry
-no disney whyever not? Lion King provides excellent lessons, IMO
-no barbies/bratz - I have a boy so that helps
-extra homework most evenings - whatever for?? Do you not think they will have enough from the current schooling system without you further overloading them after a hard day at school? They will hate you for it too - I know I would have done
-chidren will learn another language - good idea, would love to have done it when DS was smaller but I'm not good enough myself to carry it through. Will make sure he does at school though
-same with musical instrument - definitely. he currently has the choice of various string instruments, including guitars, a piano, a recorder and a mini-drumkit.
-computer games/tv etc limited to weekends - ha! best of luck with that. My BF tried to limit her DS's tv when he was small and the result was he became an utter tv junkie the minute it went on. I didn't bother, DS can take it or leave it but can sit and watch DVDs the whole way through which is a MASSIVE bonus when doing a 24hr flight with him between UK and Australia (he's 3.6)
-to grow vegetables with my DC - yep
-take them to museums regularly - when they're older maybe, but not when young
-read with them/to them everynight - Keeps DS awake. He gets a story sometimes but he will be allowed to have a book everynight when he can read too
-cook with them regularly - mostly keep him out of the kitchen for safety reasons but he does bake with me
-To say no and mean no and have high expecations of behaviour at all times.
surely almost every parent expects/hopes to do that? Some manage better than others, some have children who haven't read the script (NT children I mean - SN children are a whole different ball game) - if yours is one of the latter then it's going to be Very Interesting for you

probably loads more. Im I being unreasonable?? Yes.

Mind you - you could try taking them to aquariums, botanical gardens, parks and so forth instead of museums - they like those. Wildlife parks too - but I realise some people have ethical objections to those and you might be one of them for all I know; but children do enjoy them.

I think that you should wait andrespond to the DC you get, not the one you would like!

I am planning to
not use dummies I thought this and it worked with DS1 and DS3 but not with DS2 who had a dummy.
not let my kids eat junk food add onto this 'as a general thing' bear in mind that they will be given it at parties or when other people take them out for the day. If you allow it on those occasions they will be able to take it or leave it. If you are so strict they are 'never' allowed it they will crave it.
no disney I wouldn't even try that one. Why not?
no barbies/bratz -they may love them. I used to sew outfits when I was a DC.
extra homework most evenings Good grief-why? (I am just beginnig to think I have fallen for a troll)
chidren will learn another language a sensible aim.
same with musical instrument only if they show an interest and want to.
computer games/tv etc limited to weekends I can't see that lasting!
to grow vegetables with my DC a good idea-they may however not be interested in gardening.
take them to museums regularly a good idea-something I did-you have to expect the day when they refuse to do anything 'educational'
read with them/to them everynight the first one that gets an unequivocal 'yes'-at least for the 'to them'.
cook with them regularly Good idea but I bet you can't always be bothered.
To say no and mean no and have high expecations of behaviour at all times. I think that sometimes, if they have a reasonable argument, you can consider that you might have been wrong. You can have high expectations of behaviour but you need to realise that they will be crabby if tired and they may well have tantrums-they need to learn to deal with frustration.

Good luck!
Come back in 10yrs and tell us how it went!

What worries me about the OP is not that she has expectations (we all did, did we not?), but that she puts them on a public forum sounding like anybody who doesn't have the same goal is somehow remiss .

My main expectation of motherhood was that I would enjoy it and my children and, well, some days...

I'm not sure that she was serious!
She probably was. I had lots similar-it makes me cringe now!

I've been thinking about this.

I still have high expectations of myself as a mother.

Which is why I feel like a failure at the end of every day.

I used to be a much better mother. I often cooked regularly with DC1. With DC3 I have been known to pretend we have run out of an ingredients so I don't have to cook with her.

Perhaps a better list would be...

Love them
Give them lots of kisses and cuddles
Always put them first
Treat them as individuals
Try to spark their interest and spend time with them doing things they enjoy

Fwiw, we go to museums as do lots of families, most are very child friendly these days. I'd love the DC to learn languages or an instrument, I did- but if they would rather play football/do ballet/go waterskiing then that's ok too, as long as they are committed to it and we can afford it! We grow veg and we cook together and we read a lot.

Extra homework seems pointless, my DD has barbie dolls handed down from her cousins and it doesn't do her any harm, a lot of kids' tv is very educational so I think you're shooting yourself in the foot by banning it.

Unlike most other things in life, parenting is not a competition! Let kids be kids, not your own little pet project to create a perfect specimen.

Does cress count as growing vegetables?

You can do some of these things all of the time and all of these things some of the time, but not all of these things all of the time......

OP bless your heart, I give it a week.

YANU deluded but not unreasonable, still at least your children will keep a therapist in business for a while

i think with all things if you should start out with high expectations, you will drop a bit.. BUt if you start out with low expectations.. You will end up in the slumps. (does that make sense?)

Btw dummies are reccomended by the American Pediatrics association as they are considered to lower the risk of SIDS and unlike a thumb- can be removed from a baby's mouth when the parents wants to.

Are we to surmise from this list that those who do use dummies, enjoy disney, allow their kids to play with whatever toys suit their fancy, don't fill up all their free time with homework, don't enjoy puttering around the garden and who dont force a child to play an instrument if they don't want to, are aiming a lot lower than you are? There must be a lot of underachievers out there in your estimation.

A wise friend told me before I had my first "don't be that person who says they'll never do something - wait till you walk a mile in those mommy shoes before you judge".

Still, its your kid so how can I say YABU?

Smallpotato I love your list :)

That's the stuff that matters. That your squidgy little bundle of joy is happy and loved and cared for.

Pride goes before a fall, and I suggest you buy a parachute 'cos I suspect that you'll be in for a long drop.

IMO the best we can hope to achieve is that, despite our failings, our dcs grow into well-balanced, confident, happy adults, and there's nothing on your list that suggests you've given that much thought.

Sounds wonderful and if you were the only person involved, very achievable. However, you seem to have forgotten that this will involve another person, not a sack of spuds and he or she may have an input too.

Liby your list sounds like a good starting point.
Not unreasonable at all. Just remember to build some flexibility into it and don't get upset if all doesn't go exactly to plan.

For myself - dummies have been a boon at times and I really wouldn't go over the top with extra homework (getting the school set stuff done was difficult enough at times). Plus I'm not a fan of hw anyway.

Good luck :)

Is it just me who doesn't particularly think that some of the things mentioned are 'high expectations'? They are certainly very rigid and inflexible but not inherently worthy.
FSIDS advice is currently that giving a dummy at nap times once bf is established reduces the risk of cot death - I was desperate for ds to take a dummy but he wasn't interested.
And as for reading to them every night - once a day doesn't seem a lot to me??
I think kids come on a lot better when you encourage their interests rather than forcing what you think is worthwhile on to them.
Also there doesn't seem to be much room for fun on that list.

I am planning to
-not use dummies - nice plan. I tried, succeeded with my first DS, but my 2nd DS just cried and cried and cried unless he was attached to my breast or to a dummy - after 12 straight hours of breastfeeding (I kid you not) I gave in with a dummy.
-not let my kids eat junk food - nice idea, but do you never eat junk food? Take away chinese or pizza? Ever????
-no disney - good luck, very widespread and are probably the easiest things to actually use as you know they have been checked incredibly carefully and won't contain age inappropriate things.
-no barbies/bratz - yeah, just wait till they get them as presents, what will you do then, confiscate it?
-extra homework most evenings - good idea, but will you be there every evening to supervise? Will you hire a tutor? Exactly how will you do this?
-chidren will learn another language -do you speak another language? If you do, do you make sure you practise it regularly?
-same with musical instrument - do you still play regularly?
-computer games/tv etc limited to weekends - not a bad idea, but I agree with a previous poster. My nephew became glued to the tv/computer game when he was allowed access on the weekend.
-to grow vegetables with my DC - do you do that now? If it's a chore for you, your DC aren't exactly going to enjoy it. If you do it anyway, then they'll love doing it to spend time with you when they're younger. When they're older, meh, just hope some of it sticks.
-take them to museums regularly - do you do that yourself? If you don't then it's unlikely you will do this except to keep busy.
-read with them/to them everynight - nice idea, and lovely as a concept and something a lot of parents TRY to do, but honestly, give yourself some leeway here! Late nights, busy nights, etc, you might just be too exhausted.
-cook with them regularly - again, nice idea, and if you cook yourself that's easier. But if you don't enjoy cooking yourself, or if you have a busy lifestyle that's not exactly going to be easy.
-To say no and mean no and have high expecations of behaviour at all times. - Absolutely, but just remember that you are human, and that it's easier said than done. How willing are you going to be to give something up yourself, or to to take several children away from something just because one child is being a completely and utter little shit?! Expect the behaviour, but also expect to have to punish often enough because you just don't get that great behaviour.

You're not being VERY unreasonable, but a bit unrealistic if you think you're going to manage everything with your child. You need to work out which of those things on your list are more important than others and prioritise those activities.

Sounds massively boring! Some of my best memories of being a child are sitting in front of kids tv, eating sweeties and drinking twist and squeeze. And playing barbies with my best friend!

YANBU about some things - eg I think most parents read to their DC every day, at least at night time but probably more. the discipline thing and cooking is not unreasonable either.

YABU and naive.

"No child wants to learn to play an instrument"

Wrong! My dd asked to learn the piano and ds1 has taught himself.

I had and still have very little in the way of expectations when it comes to my kids. I want them to be happy, loved, have a good education, have fun, learn about life and become good people.

If they want to learn a musical instrument fine but noway would I impose it upon them or they will likely end up hating it. Same as sports, languages, art etc etc. I give them the opportunities to try these things and if they are interested I will give them the encouragement and tools they need to pursue them.

You sound very demanding and hard work. I hope you are more flexible when you actually have kids. But then I was sure I wouldn't do a few things before my kids came along and ended up doing them anyway