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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say that I was really shocked at the state of this woman's house?

244 replies

sunshine76 · 27/05/2011 23:13

I know everyone has different standards about how they keep their house, but we went round for a lunch/playdate thing today and I was really shocked at how messy the house was.

I have never been judgy about this type of thing ever before (and have lived in my fair share of minging student houses in the past), but it really was shocking to me. Stuff everywhere, clutter, laundry, broken things, things piled up in corners, stuff all down the stairway, stuff all over bathroom floor. The kitchen you could not see any surface and there was a huge (more than one night) pile of dirty pans.

I know we all have our off days, but I was pretty shocked that she invite me over when it was like that.

I am pretty sure she does not have any mental issues, is a SAHM with two kids and happily married/not short of money, the DC sleep well etc. Are some people naturally this messy? If she is too busy why doesn't the husband not pull a finger out and do some tidying when he gets home?

I nearly laughed when she suggested her DC tidy their toys before lunch, as they were by far the least of the mess/chaos.

I was grateful for lunch and she is nice but it has weirded me out a bit seeing how they live.

Anyone else been truly shocked by someone's house?

OP posts:
cannydoit · 28/05/2011 10:11

i have a friend like this her house is always a mess its just the way she is and i except her for that she has real issues about it but i assume if they were big issues she would sort it out, i am not the tidiest person in the world but my house is usually reasonable. wasnt always the case though when i was 18 and had my first dc i really had no clue what to do and house work was not a priority and i can honestly say my house was a shit hole. if people came round unannounced i would be mortified. it was like this for a few years but i eventually got the hang of juggling baby my life and home life, not everyone learns how to do this or is taught these skill by parents etc. god thinking about it now i still get that shudder when i think of someone coming to the door.

briefcasewanker · 28/05/2011 10:25

My sister has always been messy,which is fine, but since she moved out she has got worse and worse. I went to visit her when my DD had just started to crawl (which she knew) and there was dog hair caked all over the floor and piled up in the corners everywhere along with all the dust and crumbs.

Mess is fine, i probably wouldn't even notice, but for gods sake it takes 5 minutes to put the hoover round when you know you have got guests on the way and their baby will want to crawl on that floor.

I don't buy the whole 'she's busy doing more important things blah blah' stop being lazy and get the bloody hoover out. I haven't visited her at home since and Mum said it was so bad last time she wiped her feet on the way out.

emmanumber3 · 28/05/2011 10:27

OP - you have just described my best friend's house. Apart from they don't have a downstairs loo. I'm not the most houseproud person in the world (well, I love it to look tidy but other things are my priority) but my friend's house is something else Grin.

Mind you, I always feel very comfortable there, (after I've moved the laundry off a bit of the sofa to sit down), and far more so than when I visit one of my other friends with pristine showhomes.

It does make me chuckle though when she tells off her 13 year old DD for not keeping her room tidy - it's the tidiest room in the house already Hmm.

TheCrackFox · 28/05/2011 10:35

I grew up in a house like that and actually it is very, very depressing.

clam · 28/05/2011 10:35

We're about to get a puppy. They eat/chew things off the floor, right?
So, I'm about to become tidier!

belgo · 28/05/2011 10:37

I have a friend like this. She broke her leg tripping over some stuff on the stairs, whilst holding her baby.

My house is cluttered but it is safe and hygienic.

edam · 28/05/2011 10:43

My sister's a nurse, and says some of the houses she has to into are filthy. But the worst one belongs to a friend of hers, a fellow nurse. Grin

Bumblequeen · 28/05/2011 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

Adversecamber · 28/05/2011 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alemci · 28/05/2011 11:01

I remember my daughter went to babysit for a family. I had to pick my other dd up from work so i popped in for 30 mins. the kitchen was very messy with stuff everywhere, unwashed pots and mess on all the sides. I must admit I cleaned it up as I couldn't bear it.

My house isn't pristine but I couldn't cope myself if I had come home to that particular kitchen.

It made me laugh last night in outnumbered with the messy kitchen.

BertieBotts · 28/05/2011 11:01

DuelingFanjo and flyingspaghettimonster, I can identify with everything you have said. I'm really worrying about it. I've tried flylady, making lists, the slatterns thread, motivation of having people around, more storage (not enough though I don't think), big clearouts so I have a "clean slate" - nothing seems to work. I can't stick at it. But I jump at every knock on the door in case someone wants to come in.

Anyway we got up at just after 10 today so I told myself I'd come off the computer and do SOMETHING at 11, however small it is. This is my new strategy - use the hours as a marker :)

mumnotmachine · 28/05/2011 11:04

LOL- and at 11.01 you typed on MN- well its doing something at least!!!

2littlegreenmonkeys · 28/05/2011 11:06

Gosh there are times my house looks as you describe, not all the time but I am a naturally untidy person with 2 messy DD's, 2 constantly shedding dogs and a hoarder of a DH. I also have hoarding tendencies.

I do however try my hardest to have a mad half hour tidy clean before the DD's get up and after they have gone to bed, as there is no way I am tidying after them as I would be tidying all bloomin day. DH although he is a hoarder is a 'tidy' hoarder Grin he tends to stack and pile cd's/dvd's/mags etc on his side of the bedroom.

The DD's are just perpetually messy, they will tidy toys away but have to be asked and I sometimes just cba to ask/nag.

Our house is tiny but I love the fact we have a door on our stairs so if we have guests over I chuck everything on the stairs and shut the door, bathroom is downstairs and DD's ahve lots of toys downstairs so no need for anyone to go upstairs.

I have a very good friend who's house literally turns my stomach, they have 2 small dogs who are not house trained and use the house as a toilet, neither her or her DH bothers to clean it up. I no longer go as the stench sticks in my nostrils and I cant seem to shake it for days. I have offered (pre DC) to have a blitz with her but she refused saying it's not too bad!!

GwendolineMaryLacey · 28/05/2011 11:19

You should be in my house today. It's such a state that I've refused to go on holiday. I can't bear coming back to a tip, it would ruin the whole week.

SoloIsAHotCougar · 28/05/2011 11:26

It's easy to judge other people isn't it? My house used to be lovely, but then things happened to me and everything went to pot and I've been trying to sort it out for months if not years now. Maybe your friend is the same OP? I don't give a hoot about sitting in someone elses messy house, but I'd never let anyone into mine! Blush

ScousyFogarty · 28/05/2011 11:28

SUNSHINE 76....I dont think its all that important. And its relevant; because HMQs clinical tidyness might drive you potty. That said, I do hate having to search for things all the time.

SoloIsAHotCougar · 28/05/2011 11:29

Think I might draw the line at sitting in a dogs toilet though 2littlegreemonkeys

2littlegreenmonkeys · 28/05/2011 11:35

solo The mess I can sit in (I do so at home Grin) it's the smell, you can smell it on her when we meet for coffee if she comes to my house I can smell it. I have gently tried to suggest that maybe she could let the dogs out to do their business but she just tell me that she cleans up after them. I know she doesn't and I have told her that if she wants any help cleaning and tidying then I will get a sitter for my DD's and come and help her. She insists that the house is fine. It isn't and it makes me sad for her DS and the dogs and her and her DH but they are both grown ups and could do something about it if they wanted.

Glitterknickaz · 28/05/2011 11:38

There are five of us living in a two bedroomed house so it is extremely cluttered. Plus two very hairy dogs. Plus my three kids have SN and we just don't get time to do housework in between school runs (we have to bring DS2 home for lunch then take him back to school every day), hospital appointments, meetings with education dept for statutory assessment etc.

I hate living in mess, it depresses me but unfortunately I can't keep up with it and frequently find it overwhelming.

SoloIsAHotCougar · 28/05/2011 11:52

I had a sick dog years ago and cleaned up properly after her; she had colitis, so you can possibly imagine. I had out of town friends over and they commented on the smell!!! I was mortified as I couldn't smell it! so it's likely that your friends are so acclimatised to the smell, that they don't realise it's there.

SoloIsAHotCougar · 28/05/2011 12:02

Bloody hell dwpanxt! that's plain disgusting! rubbish is entirely different to toys and clothing scattered everywhere!

xstitch · 28/05/2011 12:08

Shock where would you start?

BertieBotts · 28/05/2011 12:09

mumnotmachine - yes I'd just noticed the time so thought I'd better sign off after that post! Anyway, lunch now, then washing.

lemmein · 28/05/2011 12:09

I agree with lesley33 - it IS important to kids to have a clean home, especially as they get older. My aunty and uncles house was always filthy, they never, EVER cleaned it. My cousin used to wet the bed when he was little and his bedding was never cleaned. I remember going into his room when we were kids and it would be swarming with flies and stunk of pee :(

His sister often says now that she could never take friends hom from school because it was too embarrassing! Most people have untidy homes at one time or another, especially when the kids are little - but there is no excuse at all (well, apart from illness) for a filthy home.