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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say that I was really shocked at the state of this woman's house?

244 replies

sunshine76 · 27/05/2011 23:13

I know everyone has different standards about how they keep their house, but we went round for a lunch/playdate thing today and I was really shocked at how messy the house was.

I have never been judgy about this type of thing ever before (and have lived in my fair share of minging student houses in the past), but it really was shocking to me. Stuff everywhere, clutter, laundry, broken things, things piled up in corners, stuff all down the stairway, stuff all over bathroom floor. The kitchen you could not see any surface and there was a huge (more than one night) pile of dirty pans.

I know we all have our off days, but I was pretty shocked that she invite me over when it was like that.

I am pretty sure she does not have any mental issues, is a SAHM with two kids and happily married/not short of money, the DC sleep well etc. Are some people naturally this messy? If she is too busy why doesn't the husband not pull a finger out and do some tidying when he gets home?

I nearly laughed when she suggested her DC tidy their toys before lunch, as they were by far the least of the mess/chaos.

I was grateful for lunch and she is nice but it has weirded me out a bit seeing how they live.

Anyone else been truly shocked by someone's house?

OP posts:
Jajas · 27/05/2011 23:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Salmotrutta · 27/05/2011 23:42

mrsdonkey - I never go to bed!!

I just popped over here for a swift look.

I am however going back to Chat and The Thread!

...... sorry OP for hi-jack!!

mrsdonkeybucket · 27/05/2011 23:44

See you there !

Sorry too, OP !

Jajas

No, and don't care either ! Grin

edam · 27/05/2011 23:45

My house is full of clutter. There are usually piles of things on the stairs - dh has a nasty habit of leaving stuff on the side of the steps without actually taking it anywhere and I get fed up of picking it up. Although I do, eventually, when I've really had enough. Thing is, there's nowhere to put half of it when I've picked it up - that man has enough CDs and DVDs to open his own branch of Blockbusters (he justifies this by selling on Amazon but only sells one for every two dozen cluttering up the house, IMO).

edam · 27/05/2011 23:46

Hasten to add there are no personal hygiene problems round here, dh may be messy and compelled to hoard but he spends ages in the bath!

Bohica · 27/05/2011 23:46

I don't use our cloakroom, 3 DDs do though. The state of it! You need to see it to believe it!

i try my best to keep ontop of working & 3 young children but they are mess makers & some days I don't eeven get the chance to go upstairs after the school run/work. Our curtains & beds can stay drawn & unmade for DAYS.

I'm quite a nice person though Smile

floozietoozie · 27/05/2011 23:48

Oh no, there were only one or two pans on show as I did actually put the dishwsher on. Otherwise pretty much sounds like my house. However I haven't invited anyone round for a while as I'm too embarrassed by it (but clearly not enough to struggle with it once the ill and teething 8mo and the extra needs 4yo are finally asleep). I did hoover ths pm and could have done more housework but chose to read to dc1 in the back garden instead. When I'm on my deathbed, which option will I be more glad about?

mumblechum1 · 27/05/2011 23:49

I wouldn't leave things on the stairs as it's a hazard, and certainly wouldn't leave dirty dishes for three days!

My house usually has dusty cobwebs and my wardrobe floor is about 2 foot deep inclothes I can't be bothered to hang up, but I'd feel v embarrassed if friends came round and the kitchen surfaces, floor etc weren't clean.

I'm with you OP, it would have bothered me to be somewhere that dirty.

Vallhala · 27/05/2011 23:49

I have friends like this. All types, one with 4 DC and no money, living in a council house, several well off enough to afford a cleaner with huge private houses. The only difference is that for the first the mess is on the sofas and for the second the mess is atop the piano and in the seperate playroom! But, none of these houses are dirty and ALL of these children are loved and well cared for so what the heck? Not my way of living but then they might not want to live with my 3 dogs and the Dyson permanantly attatched to them.

The house I felt most uncomfortable with was that of a friend who had a young son and NOT A THING out of place. Not a crumb, not an unsymetrical coaster, not a toy in the sitting room (not allowed), nothing. Unless you knew that she had a 7 year old I SWEAR you'd think her a woman with merely a DH, if that.

As long as your friend's house isn't a noticable health hazard or the DC suffering in some way I'd chill out. Offer to help wash up if she needs it and always if she has cooked for you, but that's it. Some, like my pal with the 4 DC, might be positively grateful for a bit of help (and bless her she was forst to offer to help me decorate or to dog-sit) but if the lady is unconcerned and the children fine, don't stress it. Just go back to your own house and sigh with relief because yours is how YOU like it.

blackeyedsusan · 27/05/2011 23:50

we can be quite messy, (lost count of the time ds has emptied the whole toy cupboard onto the floor, thrown all the cushions off the sofa, including the big ones and thrown the washing on the floor) but I would make ahuge effort to tidy if someone was coming round!

edam · 27/05/2011 23:53

mumblechum - quite, that's what I try to get through dh's skull. But never seems to work. However, to be fair, he does put his piles of crap neatly to one side.

musicposy · 27/05/2011 23:54

"Does anyone ever read these particular kind of threads and wonder fleetingly (and worriedly) if the OP visited them that day"

Yes. Blush Luckily I haven't had visitors today Wink

Jajas · 27/05/2011 23:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect · 27/05/2011 23:55

My friends come to see me ,I go to see them
I don't give a toss about the state of their house
Its not a housewife competition

Vallhala · 27/05/2011 23:57
Blush

I did musicposy!

First thing in the morning, after the dogs have been all over the sitting room (3 dogs, small room, big buggers, one with long blonde hair and brown rug), I've left coke glass, newspapers and paperwork everywhere and the DDs have just dumped junk and gone to bed, and before I've hoovered I dread the thought of someone visiting, even family!

Jajas · 27/05/2011 23:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CRS · 28/05/2011 00:01

If I didn't have a cleaner, my house would be a disgrace. I have to keep on top of the cleaning for the cleaner, you see, or I would never be able to show my face in this village again. Grin

Original poster
sunshine76 · 28/05/2011 00:05

Just to add I am not worried about this woman nor do I truly care how she lives, but cannot deny I was shocked when I went round there.

My own house is far from perfect, there are toys strewn around and stuff in the kitchen waiting to go in DW and be put away etc - I like to slack off on the cleaning, tidying as much as anyone and I always do stuff with DD rather than clean etc. I just do want needs to be done each week to stop it ending up in complete chaos/filth. It really does not take that much time to tidy up at the end of the day/week.

But as someone said maybe it doesn't bother them so that's fine, of course they can have their house however they want it. Won't stop me feeling shocked though!

I am lucky though as if I left the house a state DH would probably tidy when he got home (while moaning about it!).

OP posts:
cornflowers · 28/05/2011 00:05

I have a couple of friends like this and I certainly don't mind visiting their houses, nor do I judge them; indeed if anything I rather admire them for their lack of self-consciousness. Yet I myself would be absolutely mortified to entertain visitors if my house were in a similar state. Odd.

ithaka · 28/05/2011 00:06

My sister is a total minger seriously, her house is rank.

She has raised four gorgeous, fantastic, clever, talented and secure children. Which makes me take a step back before judging.

KittySpencer · 28/05/2011 00:08

There's a difference between untidyness and dirt, and a bit of mess and filth, if that makes sense.

One friend is a hoarder, has piles of things everywhere in her flat. I'm a bit OCD about having bare surfaces, so her flat makes me twitch a bit. However it always seems pretty clean. There's just so much stuff!

Another friend has no idea about cleaning. I think I've posted before about doing hoovering at her house and stuff changing colour when the covering layer of pet hair (weeks, if not months worth) was removed :)

Proper dirt like that isn't nice. But a bit of mess, or a few days crumbs, is fine imo!

pleasekeepcalmandcarryon · 28/05/2011 00:08

An earlier poster mentioned appropriate storage and a place for things to live.

Clearly this comes naturally to some people, to me it is like having to think about complex maths equations- takes massive brain effort.

Some people definitely struggle with organisation more than others.

Bumblequeen · 28/05/2011 00:11

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect · 28/05/2011 00:13

Does it make you a better housewife

georgie22 · 28/05/2011 00:13

Oh dear that sounds like my house, at least for some of the time! I'm just chronically messy, always was, and throw a baby into the mix and it's worse. The house is clean but very lived in!

Have to agree with LordOfTheFlies though, as a health care professional doing home visits all day everyday you would be amazed at the dire conditions that some people live in. A messy house wouldn't stop me visiting again if I liked her and she'd made me welcome.