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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say that I was really shocked at the state of this woman's house?

244 replies

sunshine76 · 27/05/2011 23:13

I know everyone has different standards about how they keep their house, but we went round for a lunch/playdate thing today and I was really shocked at how messy the house was.

I have never been judgy about this type of thing ever before (and have lived in my fair share of minging student houses in the past), but it really was shocking to me. Stuff everywhere, clutter, laundry, broken things, things piled up in corners, stuff all down the stairway, stuff all over bathroom floor. The kitchen you could not see any surface and there was a huge (more than one night) pile of dirty pans.

I know we all have our off days, but I was pretty shocked that she invite me over when it was like that.

I am pretty sure she does not have any mental issues, is a SAHM with two kids and happily married/not short of money, the DC sleep well etc. Are some people naturally this messy? If she is too busy why doesn't the husband not pull a finger out and do some tidying when he gets home?

I nearly laughed when she suggested her DC tidy their toys before lunch, as they were by far the least of the mess/chaos.

I was grateful for lunch and she is nice but it has weirded me out a bit seeing how they live.

Anyone else been truly shocked by someone's house?

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 28/05/2011 12:11

Shock Okay, my house isn't that bad!!

alemci · 28/05/2011 12:11

I think dw when the mess is like those pictures then people are ill and have problems like in how clean is your house.

I think it is easy to be judgey about other people but we all have different ideas and standards. I get really fed up with the relentless of keeping on top of housework. I clean up then it is messed up again. my dh does some but it is mainly me who does it. Sometimes i want to leave it and shut the door.

fotheringhay · 28/05/2011 12:20

I expect there's no clear line between normal and mentally ill (regarding hoarding/not cleaning).

The OP doesn't sound that much worse than the house of someone I know, who I'd say hasn't got issues as such, but just can't seem to keep on top of it. It is a problem though because she's embarassed and avoids having people round.

I would never judge anyone on this (even though I'm a total neat freak). No-one wants to live in a mess, I doubt it's often plain laziness. And laziness isn't a crime anyway.

Chandon · 28/05/2011 12:22

My house is rarely completely tidy, there are always toys on the floor in the living room, a pile of letters and bills still to be dealt with, a saucepan or two "soaking" in the sink. Have not cleaned the kitchen floor for 3 days.

Yet, I cannot watch "How clean is your house" as it makes me retch. I also struggle at a friend's house, which is always messy and smeels stronly of dog., A year ago she cooked me lunch. The soup had been standing around for a while with no lid on and had flies in it, she fished them out and gave me a bowl. It had a big black fly floating in the top. She saw me looking at it and said; "Oh, just throw the fly in the sink". The bread had blue and green mould on it, and I couldn't eat it. She said: "Just cut off the mould", and laughing: "it's just penecillin really, it's actually good for you". I could not eat the soup or the bread, which she found hilarious. She still makes fun of me for that. I try to meet up with her just for tea or coffee, as I have also noticed her large dog licking and stealing food off the table, which again she thinks is hilarious (I would not eat the cheese the dog had just licked). She thinks I am precious, I feel it may be a cultural difference (I am not English). I try not to judge her, and she tries to accept my fussiness.

Bakingboy · 28/05/2011 12:23

We have some dear friends who we visit a few times a year. Last time we were there DS1 (5yo) peeked into their bedroom and said "Mummy & Daddy, come and have a look, there is stuff splattered everywhere!"

We smiled and so did friend. No where near as bad as my father's house...

DillyDaydreaming · 28/05/2011 12:29

dwpanxt - I now realise my house is very very very tidy afyer seeing your link Shock

clam · 28/05/2011 12:49

Found it amusing in that link to see an ironing board underneath all that mess. Somewhere there's a person in a beautifully ironed shirt walking back into that mess!

dwpanxt · 28/05/2011 13:01

That link was originally posted on an american forum by someone linked to the letting agency.Apparently the tenant was a professional woman .And yes,seemingly, she was well turned out.

fit2drop · 28/05/2011 13:05

dwpanxt, That link is awful but i did titter at the iron and ironboard being out and obviously used .
The occupier may be a lazy git but a "well turned out, nicely pressed suit" lazy git ! Grin

Glitterknickaz · 28/05/2011 13:06

Thing is though as bad as my place can get it's never a 'Kim & Aggie' job

fit2drop · 28/05/2011 13:06

ooops cross posted Grin

Jajas · 28/05/2011 15:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GeorgeEliot · 28/05/2011 15:30

I am often shocked at how tidy people's houses are. Some people need to get a life.

HopeForTheBest · 28/05/2011 16:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on request of its author.

Scheherezadea · 28/05/2011 16:18

Am loving this thread - have just sat down after a big spring cleaning sesh with DP Grin have done downstairs, now got to tackle upstairs...

...Mind, Everything is already tidied away, and surfaces clean, I just like to have a clear out now and then, re-organise cupboards and bookshelves etc. I need to get more storage stuff, I don't like my current organisation of linen and need to make room for baby on the way.

I'm no way a person who lives in a pristine show-house, our 'dining room' has saddles, guitars and the bookshelves in there. but it's all tidied and made to look as nice as possible. it really, really depresses me living in a messy house. Sitting in a clean, tidy room just lifts me and makes me feel so much better, and raises my self esteem and confidence etc.

LDNmummy · 28/05/2011 16:24

After living with mature students (20 and over) in various houseshares, I have come to understand that people have very different ideas of what is an acceptable level of mess. I have seen one girl who thought she was VERY clean, wipe her hands on a tea towel to answer a phone because they were covered in raw chicken that she was cutting, and then use the same tea towel to dry just cleaned plates and wipe down the surfaces after cooking. Needless to say I cleaned the surfaces again after she left the kitchen. She thought she was very clean.

I have seen worse than that too. I now understand that people can think they are quite clean because they keep their house looking show homey but are actually very dirty because actual hygiene levels are poor.

I also now understand that I am very clean in comparison to most people whereas before I thought basic things such as not wiping slimey chicken hands on tea towels was just common sense.

I am however messy, there is a big difference between dirt and mess Grin I don't mind my clothes being all over the bedroom floor, as long as the floor itself is clean.

tigercametotea · 28/05/2011 16:31

Yes, at a potential childminder's house, years ago. Dog hairs everywhere - she had 2 quite large dogs which were allowed to run around inside the house. Whole place was mucky and had a horrid smell. Cluttered, boxes, cds, computers, everywhere. And she said she will sometimes video DC during childminding sessions for her own childminding/training purposes - is that even normal? I wasn't quite comfortable with the idea of my child being videotaped whilst being looked after. She did have a good big folder to present to me showing all her childminding certificates and qualifications though. I didn't use her in the end.

selinamk · 28/05/2011 16:31

i must admit i do like a clean house, and as much as we all have times in which we do lets things go a tad. i dont think there is any excuse to be filthy. its nice to have mums meetings and be friendly but theres no way id be taking my son into an unhoovered dusty home its simply unacceptable, its unfair to expect a completely spotless completely in order home when you have children that are of crawling/todling age as they like to move things etc but dirty kitchens bathroom is pure un hygienic,

Greenstocking · 28/05/2011 16:42

I'm a neat freak. My house is clean and tidy, no clutter, lots of storage but lots of pictures, books etc.
I can't live in mess.
I have four kids and manage to keep on top of it but then I'd rather hoover than play Happyland. Grin

Jajas · 28/05/2011 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SauvignonBlanche · 28/05/2011 16:47

It wasn't my sister's house was it OP, hers is like that.
I wouldn't be able to cope!

LindyHemming · 28/05/2011 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissBetsyTrotwood · 28/05/2011 17:14

We're clean but messy. Very messy. We have a massive tidy and clean once a week but the rest of my week is spent dodging the sliding piles of stuff. It's always been like this... I'd love to be tidy, or find the time to find a place for everything. During PND and my less confident times I never had anyone over because I felt so ashamed of the mess. But lacked the energy to tidy up. Now I'm feeling more confident, I don't care if people judge.

As someone said up thread, as long as the kids are healthy and happy and there are no serious breaches of basic hygiene (ie. faeces etc) if you like her don't let it bother you.

CheerfulYank · 28/05/2011 17:14

My house is messy a lot of the time, sometimes terribly so. I am just not a naturally tidy or organized person. It feels like I have to try much harder than the average person to keep things clean. Also we've been doing constant (but sporadic) house renovations since we moved in a few years ago.

This year I'm slowly but surely getting a grip on it, though. I have to. DS is almost 4 now and wants to have friends over to play more and more, and I don't want to say no or be embarrassed by the state of my house. So we've all been working very hard at it and DH and I are determined to get all the reno projects done very soon.

So yes, the person the OP's asking about could be naturally untidy, but no, she is NBU to be shocked.

Greenstocking · 28/05/2011 17:18

I think if your house is in a state whereby you are embarrassed to have people over then there is a problem that needs fixing.
I'm a SAHM so part of my job is keeping things ship shape . I would be be ashamed to have my DH come home to a tip after he has just done a ten hour day.