To say that I was really shocked at the state of this woman's house?

[sunshine76]

I know everyone has different standards about how they keep their house, but we went round for a lunch/playdate thing today and I was really shocked at how messy the house was.

I have never been judgy about this type of thing ever before (and have lived in my fair share of minging student houses in the past), but it really was shocking to me. Stuff everywhere, clutter, laundry, broken things, things piled up in corners, stuff all down the stairway, stuff all over bathroom floor. The kitchen you could not see any surface and there was a huge (more than one night) pile of dirty pans.

I know we all have our off days, but I was pretty shocked that she invite me over when it was like that.

I am pretty sure she does not have any mental issues, is a SAHM with two kids and happily married/not short of money, the DC sleep well etc. Are some people naturally this messy? If she is too busy why doesn't the husband not pull a finger out and do some tidying when he gets home?

I nearly laughed when she suggested her DC tidy their toys before lunch, as they were by far the least of the mess/chaos.

I was grateful for lunch and she is nice but it has weirded me out a bit seeing how they live.

Anyone else been truly shocked by someone's house?

Having a very messy/dirty house is a bit like putting on weight. It doesnt take much and it can happy before you realise it.

I mean you could eat an a packet of crisps a day and half a packet of bicuits and within a couple of month you would put on a stone.
If you dont clean everyday and you have kids its really easy to get into a state of hopeless mess.

If you get me

I spend all day cleaning and tidying yet my house is never tidy. It is clean though. I clean a lot. Its not a nice way to be and I wish I could be a bit more relaxed about it.

I know quite a lot of people who live how the OP describes. Some live in happy chaos some are depressed and cant find their way out of the mess.

There is someone round my way that has a house in a real state. People are scandalized by it. They talk about how disgusting it is and how SS should be round there. I was really shocked when I went round. It was a mess and pretty grubby but nothing that SS would be interested in. I have seen loads worse. Like other posters I visit as part of my job. It would take a lot to shock me.

Round here they are very, very house proud. They dont whiten their doorsteps anymore but its the same mentality.

Some interesting stories out there, sounds like I am not the only one who has been shocked by another's house.

I agree with the couple of posters who said they would find it depressing living in chaos and mess, I would too which is probably why it shocked me.

I don't think it is good enough to say 'life is too short for housework blah blah', it is about maintaining a nice healthy home to enjoy with your family, rather than having a home you (and possibly DCs) are ashamed of.

I understand that some people find it harder than others to be 'tidy' and that is fair enough, I didn't start this thread to make anyone feel bad about themselves.

Yes jajas, I do...

My neighbour puts up an amazing appearance. The front is swept, the bins washed, the windows immaculate. Her back garden though... knotweed 10ft high... you get the picture. She's lovely though .

I opened this thread worried that it was about me , fortunately its not. I am a bit of a hoarder and house is always can sometimes be really messy. Not as bad as OP has described though. I do feel uncomfortable if people have pristine houses too, just what you are used to, I think.

What's with all the piles of folded washing that a lot of people seem to have hanging around the house?

I don't get that bit.

When I used to visit friends with really tidy houses that smelt all nice and had flowers and such - I felt really down and indequate.

It was only really recently I had a massive realisation.

It happened as I was cleaning the house from top to bottom and making it smell nice and putting flowers out because I had friends coming.......

There is a middle ground between pristine and minging, you know.
I don't understand why people assume you live in a show home if you shove the hoover round more than twice a month.

My best friend at school had a house that was worthy of 'How Clean is your House' - you HAD to move something before you could sit down ANYWHERE!

I don't really care as long as it's not my mess, personally I keep a tidy house or I can't function or think straight, but other people's clutter doesn't really bother me.

BUT I just don't get it when people say 'It's clean but messy' - how can it be properly clean if there is stuff everywhere? I don't care one way or the other but it does make me chuckle.

Because I lift up the pile and clean under and around it! It's probably not really clean... but clean enough!

I used to have a freind like this - her house was so stressful to be in, and it was minging dirty as well, and so were her children. But she was a really nice girl and good company.

I don't like to be around really serious mess, because really serious mess will inevitably mean really serious dirt as well. But I must say I'm equally weirded out by obsessively tidy and barren homes that have no sign of actual life or brain activity going on in there.

friend - sorry

MissBetsyTrotwood - clean enough is fine by me!

I remember when DS was a few weeks' old a mum I didn't know very well from school told me she had some baby clothes her ds had outgrown and wanted to give me (I hadn't asked her for them or wanted them). She insisted on driving us back from the school pick-up - we were walking - and coming in straight away. Her face! - the house was in a COMPLETE STATE - living room curtains still shut (mid-afternoon), living room full of washing hanging up, stuff kids had thrown in the hall everywhere on the floor, not been hoovered in ages, kitchen probably a state too, post etc piled on the stairs... She looked shocked (lives in big, modern smart house with older kids) and left; I felt absolutely humiliated.

The reality is that not everyone has the time to tidy/clean - my work comes in rushes and whilst I'd love to be on top of all the housework all the time and we're all happier when it's tidy, in practice there are weeks where, to quote Black Books, we're close to the 'eating out of a shoe with a comb' - or at best, washing up just what we need out of the huge pile as we go; because there just isn't the time to do anything else. Kids are fed, washed etc, washing done (though clean stuff may have to be plucked off radiators rather than put away neatly in wardrobes), but needs must.

I'd love to live in a tidy house, but until I can afford not to work/pay a cleaner/my kids are old enough to make a net contribution to the tidiness instead of the mess, I just have to live with it. I'd rather spend precious minutes reading/hugging/talking etc with kids than cleaning the kitchen floor. Great if you've got the time to do both. But if not - don't judge.

theCrackFox - You commented that you grew up in a messy house and that it was very very depressing. It actually reassures me to see that in a strange way as I often think my children would have far more fun if I kept the house less clean and more of a tip. We recently visited friends who lived in a bit of a muddle and the children adored the house - I would like to be able to live like that, but I just can't organise myself properly and think clearly if everything around me is disorganised and dirty.

valiumredhead you are welcome around for a cuppa and a slice of cake any time!

I am sorry, but i don't think there is any reason for someone to have a really dirty house ( unless there are issues with health, both mental and physical), it's plain laziness imho. My sister in law has the dirtiest house i have ever seen in my entire life:dirty loos, kitchen . I cannot understand why she is unable to keep her home tidy. I appreciate the fact that she works, however
my mother was a single mother,who worked full time and had four kids. Our home was always clean. There is NO excuse.

I remember going to my aunt's house when I was young, going to the bathroom and being presented with a turd. In the bath. Her house was an absolute disaster. She was so lovely.

Oops pressed submit before I finished, she really was lovely, I wasn't being sarcastic, but her house was such a mess. :(.

I think there is a real difference between a busy family home that feels lived in and a house that is filthy. Likewise, you can see if it is a week or two mess or a few months/ years of not cleaning and hoarding. You would not have drank a cuppa in my friends house. I do often think that if it is extreme it is a sign of someone not coping in some way. Not a lot you can do without offending really.

you'd be shocked as fuck at my house, its a pigsty, sometimes it gets me down - but my DD is happy and healthy.

To be honest, you don't sound like the sort of person i would give two hoots about, i wouldnt want to be friends with someone who came home from my house and went straight on fbook to say how shitty it is while being all nice and smiley to my face.

I have lots of friends, some with perfect houses some with shitholes, i find the friends with shitehole houses to be the most genuine warm if im honest.

I dont think that is quite fair sunshine. You can notice how dirty someone's house is without disliking them or even judgeing them.

If its really messy and/or dirty how can you not notice?

I dislike the myth that people who live in messy houses are somehow nicer and warmer and spend more time with their kids etc.

Its no more true than to say people with messy houses are neglectful or lazy.

I'd never judge someone for mess but I would/have judged for dirt. Assuming no MH issues, etc.

Or maybe judge is too strong a word - just mild distaste? I had a nice colleague/friend whose house was so disgusting I used to make insane excuses not to go there, and there was this little part of me that wanted to scream "WHY? Just sort it out!" at her. I guess it had just become overwhelming for her, or maybe she just stopped seeing it.