To say that I was really shocked at the state of this woman's house?

[sunshine76]

I know everyone has different standards about how they keep their house, but we went round for a lunch/playdate thing today and I was really shocked at how messy the house was.

I have never been judgy about this type of thing ever before (and have lived in my fair share of minging student houses in the past), but it really was shocking to me. Stuff everywhere, clutter, laundry, broken things, things piled up in corners, stuff all down the stairway, stuff all over bathroom floor. The kitchen you could not see any surface and there was a huge (more than one night) pile of dirty pans.

I know we all have our off days, but I was pretty shocked that she invite me over when it was like that.

I am pretty sure she does not have any mental issues, is a SAHM with two kids and happily married/not short of money, the DC sleep well etc. Are some people naturally this messy? If she is too busy why doesn't the husband not pull a finger out and do some tidying when he gets home?

I nearly laughed when she suggested her DC tidy their toys before lunch, as they were by far the least of the mess/chaos.

I was grateful for lunch and she is nice but it has weirded me out a bit seeing how they live.

Anyone else been truly shocked by someone's house?

Its like that thing you are supposed to do if you have trouble relaxing at night.

If you write stuff down on a notepad by your bed it means you dont have to think about it. Its there, so you dont forget it, but you dont have to carry it around with you.

I have spent years trying to reach the heady heights of total organisation. I dont think this is a good thing tbh. It means you are never satisfied. Besides I keep having babies and getting dogs so its never gonna happen

I agree!

Can I recommend this? To follow it to the letter would take some doing (but life would be fabulously organised) but even just reading it and taking some useful pointers is massively helpful. It focuses on breaking sown every little job on a room by room basis and setting up a system of little filing cards to act as prompts to remind you do do certain things, whether it be daily, weekly monthly or yearly.

Sorry that should be may I recommend this.

Also this and this. I haven't read them but i bet they are good. I love a nice list, me. I think I'm a bit ADHD so lists help me focus. Help clear the brain fog and the data overload. The inside of my head feels like a maze made of cobweb otherwise and I go round in circles. I make about five lists a day. I only ever cross about three things off one of them mind you, but the intention is there.

Believe me, you have seen nothing like the state of my friend's flat It was utterly filthy and smelt so bad I'd have to chainsmoke whilst I was there just so I didn't throw up.

One day I went around to visit and her arm was in plaster. She then went on to tell me how the dogs had been crapping all down the stairs and she'd slipped and fallen down on one of the poos

She was a lovely person as well.

My old slovenly friend I had when the kids were little had a very smelly house as well. Once I was in her sitting room and the sofa was so filthy I really didn't knwo where to sit for the best, and the floor as worse. Eventually I sat down and I got an overwhelming sicky smell of gone-off milk. It turned out on of the children had spilt it days before on the sofa and no-one had bothered to clear it up.

Sadly though, because she was so laid back about mess and chaos her children grew up having very few boundaries and no idea of how to behave in other people's houses. They had no respect for belongings either. I used to get really wound up when they'd climb on my sofas and wipe jammy hands up the walls etc, run in and out of the garden in really muddy shoes, scribble on the walls with felt pen, take food and drink upstairs, and they'd look at me like with a mixture of confusion and contempt if I tried to lay down any ground rules like I did with my own children. These were pre-schoolers and infants, but they were like blimmin' wild animals.

I stopped seeing her in the end because it became too frustrating for me to understand how she could live like that, and beleive me I have been a pretty laid back mum where messy play is concerned.

I have ordered the Toothbrush Principle. Thanks fellatio !

I just bought that book.
It had better work!

I don't think its unreasonalbe to be shocked, I hope she didn't notice. Some of the posts on this thread do describe some pretty shocking states.

I'm a naturally messy person, I think my house is ok although I need to dust and hoover but if I knew someone was coming round I could have it presentable in under an hour.

I leave the house at 7am and get home around 6.30 pm and am often so tired I will just leave the mess for another day, sometimes washing up can be left for days but most of the time I manage to keep on top of it and do a bit every day so it isn't all left until the weekend.

I have pockets of shit tip such as the table in the kitchen that is littered with things that don't have a home and letters and bills I need to file.

I do wish I was better at hoovering and dusting but agree that its not something I will regret on my deathbed.

The message coming over loud and clear on this thread is that cleaning is women's work :( Comments like "my SIL's house is dirty"- presumably there is also a brother/ BIL? I've heard my MIL complaining that "SIL hadn't made the beds" -what about her DS? My family automatically assume any mess is because I haven't cleaned up..

Our house is a horrible mess and it does get me down. I work FT and have a commute of up to 2 hours a day, and a 4 yo. I can spend an entire evening tidying and cleaning, then come home from work next day to find everywhere a mess again. The more I do, the more DH sits back and does nothing. Yesterday I picked up all the toys from the living-room; filled a carrier bag with rubbish; took all the cups into the kitchen; gathered up stinking socks from the corner of the sofa. Went upstairs to put the washing away and came back down to all the toys back out, 2 pairs of men's shoes (DH and DS) in the middle of the room; 4 used tissues on the settee and sweet wrappers on the floor.

DH is supposed to do the bulk of the cleaning but has decided that his time is for relaxing. I'm blowed if I'm running around like a blue-arsed fly cleaning up after him while he just sits, so the mess gets worse. I asked him to leave. He said no :(

I know, it makes me cross everyone thinks it is women's work, but then I find that most women, including myself, think the same!

I don't think you'd find an online forum where slag of other men for not keeping the house clean.

it is just so depressing

I hadn't noticed that Tallulah . In our case I haven't gone back to work yet, so I fully expect it to be my job, but if I worked full time, would expect DH to do half [hopeful emoticon].

lets face it, the majority of us dont like housework but it would really get me down to come home and live in a total filthy mess

if someone is at home all day long, there is absolutely no excuse for filth - even a basic clean doesnt take more than an hour a day then you can spend the other 23 faffing on the internet :)

I dont think its women's work. I was talking to the people on this thread because the posted, not because they are women.

But yes, people do see it as women's work.

My OH is disabled. He probably does more than the average bloke does around the house. He cant do a lot though. This is not seen as a problem because he is male. If I were the one with MS and he the one doing the majority of the housework and childcare HE would be a hero.

If he didnt have MS I can tell you right now he wouldnt get away with doing some washing up and sorting some laundry. But then if he didnt have MS we would probably both be working full time so things would be different all round.

I think I am fairly unusual in that, although I am in my 40s, I grew up in a house were my dad cooked and shopped and my brother was expected to do as much (or as little) as me and my sister.
My OH had to do his share at home because he was the youngest of 12 although his sisters had a lot more responsibilitie than his brothers.

I am naturally a very messy person, and i really think the way forward is to have less stuff. It is the only way. I am ruthless and rarely miss anything that has been chucked.

I am prone to depression and have definately found tidy house=tidy mind to be true.

I am a SAHM so it is easier for me, but i do the washing up every morning, wipe down all surfaces etc. Upstairs gets blitzed once a week. There is no clutter anywhere in the house, everything is put away out of sight. I just couldn't cope with stuff piled up everywhere.

12???!!!

You can think you are messy and disorganised until you see other people's places . I have been looking at a lot of professional organiser's websites lately...they are on my twitter and from US....and the pictures they show of their cabinets and suchlike look pretty messy and cluttered to me. Ive realised Im not so bad if those are the examples.

The OP here, just to add I do think it is as much the DH/DPs job to keep the house respectable.

In our house me and DH used to split all the chores 50/50 until DD was born, now I am a SAHM I do most of the cleaning/tidying/washing as DH works 9-9 everyday and I don't want either of us to do cleaning at the weekend.

He does other jobs though, sorting out the cars/garage stuff/paperwork etc and we also try to share cooking/cleaning up at the weekend when he is home.

I do agree that being in a messy house does denote a lack of respect for your house and your belongings, it would be hard to teach DC to respect their (and your) stuff if they just used to seeing everything strewn around the house. It also makes it harder to teach them to put things away or tidy up after themselves as there is no example set.

Alot of posters have said that older kids/teenagers are the cause of the mess, but why they aren't taught that it is not acceptable to leave crisp/biscuit wrappers on the floor, mugs all over the living room etc. They should also pull their weight by hoovering occasionally or doing the washing up etc.

It might take more effort to get them to do it but at least they would learn to respect their home and understand that it doesn't get magically cleaned.

Also when they are at someone elses house they would know that it is polite to offer to help clear the table/load the dishwasher etc.

Basically I think don't think it is just the woman's job, I would certainly expect the DH and any old enough DCs should all be helping the house to stay nice.