To say that I was really shocked at the state of this woman's house?

[sunshine76]

I know everyone has different standards about how they keep their house, but we went round for a lunch/playdate thing today and I was really shocked at how messy the house was.

I have never been judgy about this type of thing ever before (and have lived in my fair share of minging student houses in the past), but it really was shocking to me. Stuff everywhere, clutter, laundry, broken things, things piled up in corners, stuff all down the stairway, stuff all over bathroom floor. The kitchen you could not see any surface and there was a huge (more than one night) pile of dirty pans.

I know we all have our off days, but I was pretty shocked that she invite me over when it was like that.

I am pretty sure she does not have any mental issues, is a SAHM with two kids and happily married/not short of money, the DC sleep well etc. Are some people naturally this messy? If she is too busy why doesn't the husband not pull a finger out and do some tidying when he gets home?

I nearly laughed when she suggested her DC tidy their toys before lunch, as they were by far the least of the mess/chaos.

I was grateful for lunch and she is nice but it has weirded me out a bit seeing how they live.

Anyone else been truly shocked by someone's house?

I hope you did not sit on the toilet
I would not have gone in to start with, it sounds like she has no reason to live like that other then lazyness

MrsDeVere, I signed up for the flylady thing a couple of years ago, but got completely overwhelmed by the volume of email and ended up just ignoring them.

I can't help beating myself up about the state if the house really, but you're right, I do need to just get on with it.

I'll go and clean my sink now. And I won't come back till I've done it.

Off you jolly well go and dont come back to that sink is gleaming

Yes that flylady stuff gave me a migraine. But she is right (just mad)

I don't spend my evenings tidying, for me, life's too short and I LIKE my evenings to be free to do as I please... but evenings are usually the only chance to put everything in order.

So after tea, we have a 1/2 hour blitz which involves the whole family (ie., me, dh and the kids doing anything BUT put things away) the kitchen gets 'reset and cleared down' ready for the morning, its takes (now) 15 minutes max... then we do the lounge, transforming it from a kids' playroom into a calm oasis of grownupness... again, takes 15 minutes. We do this everyday, and phew.... its a great habit.

Twice a week we blitz the house (apart from the loo, seeing as I'm the only one without a penis, its law that I'm the only one who has to sit on the seat everytime, I probably clean the loo before/after every pee I do) from top to bottom.

My routine is very slack by most people's standards I reckon, but it keeps the house stink free and manageable. Once a week I pick a cupboard to sift through as well, as I'm still in the process of getting 'everything in its place' - I mean, where exactly IS the place for much of the random stuff you accumulate? At present, we have two drawers for random stuff, that get emptied when they're full.

The hard thing was knowing where to start. Its actually easy. Pick a room and start... flylady on this alone is well worth a look, I'm not the BOTHERED about having a shiney sink ffs, but actually, once the sink is clear, then the worktops are clear its a bloody good place to start.

I am not hyper organised either, and hate routine.... but I have learned that a LITTLE organisation, and a little routine goes a long way.

I love this topic

My house is FILTHY. I haven't always been like this - but have always hated housework and usually had a cleaner. I HAVE got mental health issues, thank you very much, and it was therapy that made me realise there are more important things than domestic sparkle. My food preparation surfaces are clean, and that's all I need for basic hygiene.

I know there are lots of people who don't visit because of the dirt! Tough. If they're that judgemental, I don't want them in my house anyway.

I know this may be obvious but does having a dirty/messy house not exacerbate any depression?
Surely one way forward is to tackle the house?

... oh, and I've got a dishwasher (£60 off ebay, best decision I made). Without that, I wouldn't even have the clean kitchenware

Greenstocking - it can make a depressive spiral, yes. But most depressions are underpinned with a storm of self-criticism, so it's better for us in the long run to learn that stuff like housework doesn't really matter.

But it does matter, doesn't it?

If you live in a filthy house that people won't visit or that makes you more depressed, then it clearly does matter, very much.

And not visiting a filthy house isn't being judgemental, it's just that sitting in someone else's filth is simply unpleasant.

Verity - did she manage to keep her home clean after you have kindly blitzed it for her?

I often wondered, after watching Kim and Aggie, whether anyone managed to keep their home nice for more than a few weeks.

That's great that you managed to make a real difference to her life and it is a credit to her that she managed to keep on top of it all.

Verity, what a lovely friend you are :)

Greenstocking - my house isn't as filthy as Verity's friend's (I do clean up the cat sick, for eg) but you wouldn't like it. I'm not judging you: notice any mismatch here?

I have a lovely friend who came last week and helped me a great deal. We'd been painting, and everything was shoved into the dining room, and I'd left for a day and night and came back to that plus dishes all over the counter, laundry covering every surface of the bathroom, just everything everywhere . I think I had a small breakdown, I really do! I facebook messaged my friend in a panic (not asking for help, just venting) and said I just really didn't even know where to start and it was all too much. She messaged back a few minutes later with "Call in sick tomorrow. The kids and I will be there by 9 a.m. at the latest." :o I love her so much! She came and we whipped my entire downstairs into shape in a few hours.

I'm a really happy person as a general rule, but even I feel much happier and energetic in a tidier house. I started flylady (apologies to anyone who's here from that thread since I haven't been there in awhile ) and all the email is overwhelming, but it's been amazingly helpful anyway. Even if all I do is make my bed and shine the sink I feel better and more in control.

Garlicbutter I would visit you anyway, I always think you sound lovely. :)

And if you let me go around with a broom and some Lysol wipes, so much the better.

Aw, thanks, Cheerful! :)

Yup, you're welcome anytime! Bring your most excellent friend, too

OK. So the dishes are washed and put away, the sink is gleaming, and I have put a load of laundry in the machine.

Now what?

That's the problem jajas - there is so much to do and I don't know where to start. But there is paperwork everywhere, so perhaps I'll do some filing, as you have suggested.

I may be gone for some time...

My previous HV hated my house. I have changed HV, and my current HV can't see the problem with my house and says it is fine. However, I was deeply wounded by the comments made by my 1st HV and repeated them to an aquaintance. She didn't comment, so I took that to mean she sort of agreed with my previous HV.

That is, until I visited this aquaintance's own home. The home was the worst I have ever seen where children are also living. I'll leave it at that.

Ok I am going to sound really sad now but...

I have a little chart and I pick a day a month to do a certain thing.
First saturday in the month - paper work i.e. go through the pile and shred or file.
2nd Sunday in the month - tops of wardrobes. Get rid of rubbish or tidy stuff that is stored there (out of the reach of little hands).
4th Friday - cooking - do a load of stews, pasta sauces for the freezer.

I have a weekly list too. Monday - Boys room, Tues - our room etc

Daily - hoover (allegies), dust, washing and half hour ironing. Stuff like that.

The above are just examples. I find once I have written it in the diary its halfway done. I dont worry about it anymore. I check the diary and get on with it. If I dont manage it every time I dont beat myself up about it though.

I know it sounds a bit anal but if you are chronically unorganised like I am, its the only way.

I actually made a list, laminated it, and stuck it on the refrigerator so that I can cross things off with a dry-erase marker as I do them. It's amazingly helpful.

thefirstMrsDeVere,

It does not sound anal - I do the same!

CheerfulYank - I've made a checklist as well.