How old should little boys be when they use the men's room instead of the Ladies' room with Mum?

[missinglalaland]

I only have two girls, so I don't know the ins and outs of parenting boys. Sometimes I am surprised at the height and age of boys being steered into the "ladies" room by their mothers. Often with Fathers waiting outside!!! (Lazy gits.) I am thinking that in a place like a train station you should expect to see mum's being fairly protective, but I get a bit annoyed in places like National Trust toilets, when the boys seem embarrassed/interested.

What's the proper etiquette?

Well it surprises me that any 8 year old boy will go in the ladies.

Tis all a bit strange ........wanders away from thread with a perplexed frown.

Read some of these responses but not all.

As I said before my boy is 11, goes to loo on his own. But yea I panick if he dont come out quickish.

Seriously paranoid or not. (and i am not an over protective mum) Go's to school himself, looks after himself on his own for the odd hour at home.

But the absolute assholes/idiots/ and YES pervs, that hang around public toilets shit me up.

Supermarkets ( am ok with them, dont know why), But Shopping Centre's, bus stations, Train Stations, Town Centre's, Macdonalds I dont like.

The macdonalds across from where I work. The staff are in and out of the toilets all the time, Cause the junkies use them. Alot and they even have needle bins in there.

So if I want to YELL my lads name through the bog door, to make sure he is ok. Then yep I will. Cause he sure as hell wont come in any ladies with me.

Oh and just to add, when he is 14 and 6ft whatever, THEN I will stop panicking (that is soooo wrong spelling) but hey ho. I will cease to stop. Shouting him through the bog door.

a lot of people on this thread are totally missing the point

and must imagine parenting boys to be very different to the reality

Last year we were at Bognor Regis (nice seaside town) and DD( then 7) needed the loo.Only one we could find was FILTHY. Every seat broken.S**t smeared on the walls and toilet. Used sanitary towels/tampons.Grafitti-real filth.And to top it off, 2 syringes.I put a wedge of tissue (no loo roll) on the toilet then used baby wipes on her hands.
That was the ladies.What was the gents like?Don't know, didn't want to let him risk it.I let him pee up the wall.
Still feel bleurgh thinking about it.

At our YMCA gym the rule is no children over 3 of the opposite sex in a changing room, so if daughter and Dad or son and Mum are swimming together, they must use the broom closet family changing room.

With loos I think I would say a young age for girls going in male toilets, due to the urinals, but older boys in the ladies wouldn't bother me since there are stalls...

At our local shopping centre, there is a big sign at the ladies saying that only boys under 8 can go there. The disabled toilet can only be accessed via a radar key so no problem with people not believing your child is disabled. The toilets are busy with lots of people so a sexual predator could not have the opportunity to act either in a ladies or mens.

Seems sensible to me.

And I have read the whole thread and I have not seen 1 comment from someone saying that adult females will be embarassed by boys in the ladies. But that seems par for the course on mums net. If your position is more at the extreme end, lots (although not all) posters tend to argue against imaginary arguments instead of addressing the real ones.

I have also read the thread on another site that another poster here highlighted. Most of it is pretty funny. But it is tragic to read the adults who talk about being over protected as children and how they now find it a real struggle to tackle everyday living.

Over protectiveness does affect children's development. And all those who post and say they are over protective but their child is immature - has it never occured to you that there might be a connection?

Don't think I've ever seen a lad over 7 in any female toilets to be honest. DS refused point blank to come in the ladies after age 5. So I waited outside for him until he was bigger. The only nuisance I can think of with lots of boys using the ladies are that the queues are ALWAYS worse than the men's loos anyway (what do women DO in the loo that takes so much frigging time?) and effectively making the ladies unisex means this problem is even worse. So perhaps unisex loos per se are the way forward then.

Children live up (or down) to your expectations-if you think they are are immature they sure will be!

I have made a huge point of looking for boys in ladies loos since I started reading MN -and despite looking out for them, like NHScutback, I just haven't seen any. Where are they all?

I thought perhaps I was a strange mum- having 3 DSs who went in the gents-but they refused point blank to go inthe ladies, (once they understood the difference).

"At our YMCA gym the rule is no children over 3 of the opposite sex in a changing room, so if daughter and Dad or son and Mum are swimming together, they must use the broom closet family changing room."

Over 3!!!!!!!!!! Now even I think that's a bit young!

3 goes from one extreme to the other-I hope they have more than one broom closet!

DS is just 8, I still take him into the ladies and we live in an Islamic country. No-one has ever batted an eyelid even women who are uncovered (i.e. they have removed their hijab) in the toilet.

Actually, this thread has made me have a rethink. I think we will move to him using the gents unless I have specific concerns at the location.

I agree with seeker.

I happily go to the loo where there is a sign saying "male cleaner in attendance". I have not seen a single person saying they would be embarrassed by having boys in the ladies loo.

For what seems like the 497th time - this thread is not about the reaction of adult women to seeing a boy in the loo. It's about the comfort and feelings of the boy concerned at A) not being trusted to go the toe men's loo alone, B) being infantilized and C.) being potenitally embarrassed if spotted by cloassmatea either in the ladies or going in/coming out.

And it's about, to a lesser extent the feelings of girls at finding a boy in the ladies loo.

ANd it's also about the depressing level of paranoia that seems to exist in this country about paedophiles and men - sometimes the words seem to by synonymous.

I was in Scandinavia recently and the public loos in the buildings I was in (university) were mixed sex. Everyone used the same loos, including children and the disabled.

I know of two secondary schools with mixed sex loos.....all cubicles obviously.

Lesley33 The toilets are busy with lots of people so a sexual predator could not have the opportunity to act either in a ladies or mens.

You are very wrong there sexual 'predators' often thrive on such a challenge - they work in extremely busy places and open places

I think you need to consider the location, you are making judgements on the risk where you live, not where someone else lives.

When using toilets in Cambridge recently there are places to dispose of your syringes, who would want an unaccompanied child there.

NotMopsa - what a stupid, inflammatory post!

Of come on Notamopsa - how could a sexual predator interfere with a child in crowded toilets! And how do you know this? Yes very young children (under 5's) have been abducted from crowded places.

But to sexually abuse a 9,10,11 year old child a sexual predator will get that child somewhere where what they are doing, can not be seen. If a toilet has few people going into it, yes that can be a toilet. But if there are men and boys constantly going in and out any sexual behaviour or sexual approaches are easily seen.

The only way a sexual predator could abuse a 9,10,11 year old in a busy toilet is if a child left with them without making any fuss, or if a child went into a cubicle with them without any complaints. This may be feasible for a 3 or 4 year old. But if a 9,10 or 11 year old isn't able to say no or ask other adults there for help (assuming they are not SEN) then the child must have major problems in dealing with every day life.

1. I can't see that any woman minds having a boy in the loos-(they are locking themselves in a private cubicle) However most boys mind once they get to a certain age. I'm sure that mine would have died of embarrassment if they had been seen by someone from school, coming out of the ladies with mum at the age of 9yrs!
2. I think that if you use the toilets at a motorway service station or a supermarket you are not going to find syringes-they are checked every hour or so for cleanliness.
3. If you are in a dodgy place the ladies won't be much better.

annapolly - There are some toilets in the City I live in that has problems with drug abusers and syringes. I avoid those toilets. But children need to be given strategies on how to deal with everyday life.

So saying to my DS when he was 11 and going to town o his own, don't use the toilet at x location,there is a safer one round the corner. And if you ever walk into a toilet and what the people are doing looks strange or it just doesn't feel right, then just turn and leave immediately. And if you go into a toilet and the lights are blue that is because it has been used a lot by drug abusers. If there is no other toilets nearby, just look carefully before you walk anywhere or touch anything as there may be discarded needles.

That is giving the child skills they can use throughout their life. When the child was with me I would always try and find a safer toilet as I don't like using toilets like this never mind let my children use them. Remember there are female drug users as well who discard needles and can be shooting up when you go into a toilet.

And you do know what are the toilets to avoid. Because any public toilets that have been a problem like this in my city always feature in the local paper with peopel complaining about them. But in my city where there is a lot of drug abuse, there are plenty of well supervised safe and clean toilets.

So know annapolly I don't live in some idyll untouched by social problems.

It is a good point that when a DS is 11 years old and meeting his friends on his own how will he cope with loos if he has always been taken into the ladies with Mum? Going in with mum is one thing-a DS going in the ladies on his own is quite difficult for him. Or are 11yr old DSs not allowed out without mother?

I suspect 11 year old DS wouldn't be allowed out on their own.