to have had an abortion and feel ZERO shame or regret

[GetOrfMoiCase]

In AIBU because it is a popular topic. I know I am not being unreasonable.

Thread is in response to a report I heard on the news yesterday which was shamefully presented, regarding abortion access.

There is a thread on MN currently about it www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/1222273-Chipping-away-at-abortion-rights-govt-appoints-Life-as-sexual-health-adviser

Apparently there is a twitter thingummy going around 'I had an abortion' for people to discuss guilt free abortions.

Just thought it would be appropriate to have a thread on here for people put a positive side of abortion.

My story: got pregnant 5 years ago. My dd was 10. I was in a relationship of 6 months duration and had recently started a new job. Condom failure. My partner and I agreed that we didn't want a baby, I booked an abortion and had it without a backward glance. No emotional fall out afterwards. No guilt.

well said allegrageller

GetOrf - it was a good thing that you posted this thread, it has helped Michelle and allowed some people to be honest about their own feelings too.

As BoF says, the nutters always come out when they get a sniff of it - you were unlucky that they were the first ones to your thread, but ignore them, as you said, you KNOW ywnbu, remember that.

bollocks, guilty of not updating thread before posting again .

I wouldn't want queenmary as my midwife, regardless of how skilled she may be, as I couldn't trust her to put my needs first.

GetOrf - If you are still reading any of this thread then please let me say how glad I am that you raised this topic. I'm just sorry that you have been compared to a mass murderer. Fuck knows what motivates some of the foetus worshippers on here ....

Cheerfulyank I did specifically state that it is the campaigners who I am calling nutjobs. I respect every woman's right to feel that she would never have an abortion herself (though I sometimes wonder if she would stick to that decision were she to be pregnant with a grossly hydrocephalic foetus that couldn't live and was also threatening her life...). But the insistence that women should feel regret about aborting is all tied in with all this crap about how women shoudl sacrifice their lives for motherhood and servicing men.

differentnameforthis
Who are you talking to?

timewasting
"I wouldn't want queenmary as my midwife, regardless of how skilled she may be, as I couldn't trust her to put my needs first.*

I'm sorry that you are so massively insecure that for you, the issue of a midwifes private opinions clashing with yours trumps that of her skill.
Is it really so awful to have a pro life midwife?
Think about it? What do we do all day?
And then we hear this nonsense about it not being a baby, not feeling pain, it just being a ball of cells etc.
It is natural for a midwife to be prolife.

sAf, absolutely, I was thinking purely for myself. Even with no personal history of terminations her attitude could endanger me.

"her attitude could endanger me."
ROFL!
You people are too funny!

You might be right though
I have an attitude and I'm not afraid to use it!
ooooo be afraid, be very afraid
Dangerous people like me could lurk in every corridor of every maternity ward!
Expose the dangerous opinions!
Expunge the wrong thinkers!
No woman is safe while pro lifers stalk the Delivery Suite!

Differentnameforthis is in Australia. She is reading through the whole thread and answering points as she sees them - some of them are older posts.

Differentname - I'm so sorry you had such a terrible time of things - and very glad that you managed to get the resolution you needed.

queenmary, I am simply stating how your attitude to women and their having control of their bodies makes me feel.

Clearly you don't give a fuck about womens feelings though.

I'm sorry you find this funny.

If you are actually here to try and change anyone's mind on this subject you'd do well to have a little self awareness and read what you're writing because you sound like a fucking psycho.

Timewasting-how on earth does queenmarys personal views effect her work as a mw?So I assume you knew the personal views of your midwife on whether he/she was pro-life or otherwise?

I wonder why QueenMary had to bring the fact that she is a midwife into the debate? I think she raised it while making a point about stillbirth though I am sure that if she was assisting a stillbirth she wouldn't start a conversation about abortion with the patient.

Of course she is perfectly entitled to have her own view so long as she is not reading medical notes and making judgements about women who have previously terminated a prenancy, while assisting them in their labour. Or for that matter making judgements about women who hav had a previous termination and then a stillbirth.

basically the fact she is a midwife is irelevant, it's just her opinion about abortion which sucks, IMO.

Springchicken, you sound a little deranged yourself, coming up with stuff like this:

"So all you antichoice nutjobs"

"your fuckwitted superstition and sentimentality"

"make themselves look spiteful, idiotic and sexually dysfunctional"

"how much they hate and despise women"

"women shoudl sacrifice their lives for motherhood and servicing men"

FWIW I am NOT anti-choice. If a woman uses contraception but gets pregnant anyway, and doesn't want to have a baby, I definitely think she should be able to have an abortion. I do not hate or despise women, and I am the last person on earth to think that women should be sacrificing their lives "servicing men" .

However I am against flippant attitudes to contraception and abortion. I think women AND men should always be very careful with contraception not least because of potential STDs! I don't think there is any excuse to be nonchalant about contraception. And while a woman terminating an unwanted pregnancy has every right to feel relieved I dislike the idea that women should waltz down the street afterwards congratulating each other and shouting you go girl! It is good to remember that a termination is just that, a termination of a life and it should not be treated with nonchalance.

And I don't think all the unwanted pregnancies (or even the majority) in the world are because contraception failed. Many many pregnancies happen because women AND men are careless about contraception. That is plain stupid in my opinion. And an abortion should not be used as a method of contraception.

And Springchicken, to correct you about my fertility, I have conceived three times by plan, the first time I conceived on the first try, but miscarried at 8 weeks, the 2nd time I conceived on the 3rd try, resulting in DD1, and the 3rd time I conceived on the 1st try again, resulting in DD2. Having always used condoms we have never had any problems.

"And I don't think all the unwanted pregnancies (or even the majority) in the world are because contraception failed. Many many pregnancies happen because women AND men are careless about contraception. That is plain stupid in my opinion. And an abortion should not be used as a method of contraception."

I find this attitude really odd. To be OK with abortion if contraception was used but think it shouldn't be available if people were "stupid". What good is done by this? How do you think it is better that women who are sensible about their contraception are allowed to choose not to carry a child to term but "stupid" women are forced to have the child? It just seems vindictive.

It's about hatred and fear of women SAF. To the antichoicer, women are wicked, selfish and irresponsible unless they are under firm control, they cannot be trusted to make their own decisions. The sexual dysfunction of antichoicers shows in their insistence that they will accept, grudgingly, that a woman can end a pregnancy as long as she didnt enjoy the sex that caused conception.

Well said swallowedafly. There are innumerable reasons why a woman would have an unplanned pregnancy. The human condition is a little more subtle than 'I'm such an idiot I couldn't keep my legs closed.'

But that's alright because a woman can just do the shake and vac and get the freshness back? There may be a very few women who skip merrily away from an abortion but I should imagine that tiny minority are probably sociopathic. That a woman should be at peace with her decision and feel great relief afterwards and not be wracked with guilt is a very common emotion as evidenced by the many stories on this thread. Even I, who was traumatised by the experience and considered suicide afterwards can't see a problem with it. I'm only glad that other people DON'T feel the same way I do. I wouldn't wish it on any one of you.

And queenmary, you come across as a right tyrant. I wouldn't want you anywhere near me. Not only because you wouldn't treat me appropriately and consider my history but that you really do seem to be a bit of a nutjob.

I don't think it's worth engaging with QueenMary, who could be called Keith for all we know, or the sockie OpheliVsecret. Neither have posted on mumsnet previously, and are obviously goons from some bonkers sect on a daytrip.

yes swallowed- being human and making a mistake is definitely one of them! I was 23, depressed, stoned, reeling from a breakup and got pregnant because I miscalculated the day of the month. (I was with my ex briefly at the time- an alcoholic). I got pregnant right away, the first time I ever made a mistake.

Silly eh? But my mistake. And I had the right to deal with it EXACTLY as I chose. And not to regret that except insofar as I definitely regretted making the silly mistake.

I don't recall at any point waltzing down the street shouting 'go girl' to other post-abortion patients. What a bizarre image you have of other women, MarianneM.

I really think reading posts like yours that the main problem we face here is an almost total lack of empathy and ability to see the point of view of another human being. Pro-lifers will say: my life is like this. I am like this, so if you are not you should basically hide away and not disrupt my nice little world view. Bah.

(and I have noticed, MarianneM, that you're not taking an outright pro-life position- just patronising other women about their reproductive lives.)

Sockie? I'm new too. I did get warned to stay away from this section but my curiosity got the better of me and I got involved in this! I think I'm in at the deep end!