to have had an abortion and feel ZERO shame or regret

[GetOrfMoiCase]

In AIBU because it is a popular topic. I know I am not being unreasonable.

Thread is in response to a report I heard on the news yesterday which was shamefully presented, regarding abortion access.

There is a thread on MN currently about it www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/1222273-Chipping-away-at-abortion-rights-govt-appoints-Life-as-sexual-health-adviser

Apparently there is a twitter thingummy going around 'I had an abortion' for people to discuss guilt free abortions.

Just thought it would be appropriate to have a thread on here for people put a positive side of abortion.

My story: got pregnant 5 years ago. My dd was 10. I was in a relationship of 6 months duration and had recently started a new job. Condom failure. My partner and I agreed that we didn't want a baby, I booked an abortion and had it without a backward glance. No emotional fall out afterwards. No guilt.

They do NOT have it right. They might know how to walk the walk, but when it comes to walking the walk, they manage more of an awkward shuffle than a walk. Anyone can preach X,Y or Z but until you're actually practicing it, I'd rather take no notice. Thanks.

Also big, fat ironic LOL at the catholic church teaching you how to stay safe from abuse. Imagine. Day 1: What to do when the Father tries to feel you up after choir practice...

Catholic Church, my arse

Rhubarb - or perhaps the middle ground that it is not sinful to have sex, as long as you treat others with respect and demand that you are treated with respect, that sex is a joyful activity. yes and use contraception, 2 kinds of it if you can as a belt and braces approach, and don;t go out and get pissed because that way madness lies. BUT if something goes wrong, you will be looked after and not made to feel like a scumbag.

You've lost me a bit with the catholic church tbh, I don;t want any of their thinking to be drip fed into my daughter's head whilst she is at a (non faith) school.

Clearly, YANBU

YANBU

I had one too and it was just something I had to do, then move on and forget.

That's how it is for most women, in my experience.

Taking advice on sexual matters from the Catholic church is like taking advice on how not to be a cunt from Frankie Boyle.

Amen.

Not in the right state of mind to read the thread all the way through, sorry, but I did want to reply.

In my opinion YANBU to feel no shame because I am pro-choice and support any woman who feels this is the right course of action to take. I don't see why any woman should have to feel shame when in most cases the decision is well thought out and done because they feel it is the right thing to do.

However I think you are being a bit unreasonable when you say you have zero regrets although I'm not quite sure how to put why I think this into words.

I don't mean that you should be wishing you had kept the baby or anything but it was the end of a pregnancy and the possibilities that come with it and I just feel that that is sad and worth a little regret over what might have been if things were different even though it was obviously the right thing for you to do. I'm not sure that regret is even the right word but I've used it because I can't think of a better one to explain what I mean.

I'm glad though that your decision was the right one for you OP, and I hope I made sense.

As for telling people, no I would no longer tell my employers about an abortion than I would about my galloping haemmerroids.

I told my mother (oh ironies of ironies) who is a 'christian' (yet more irony) and she said I was a murderer. But her opinion is of no value tbh.

I have told my daughter btw. We were talking about ocntraception etc and she asked me outright if I had had an abortion. I lied at first, thought she was too young to know tbh. Then had a rethink and told her the truth.

"I don't mean that you should be wishing you had kept the baby or anything but it was the end of a pregnancy and the possibilities that come with it and I just feel that that is sad and worth a little regret over what might have been if things were different even though it was obviously the right thing for you to do. I'm not sure that regret is even the right word but I've used it because I can't think of a better one to explain what I mean."

Oh yes you are completely right. During our discussions on what to do DP and I did have a 'oh what might have been' thought. We had only been together 5 minutes. Mind you we have been together now nearly 6 years, I still don't think we will have a baby. Deep down in my heart I just do not want another one (he does).

I am oversharing and coming across as completely unhinged. Am going to leave it for a bit.

" If you want to put your fingers in your eyes and sing "la la la" that's up to you"

I absolutely would rather stick fingers in my eyes than listen to the Catholic church on sexual and reproductive morality.

Let's ban abortion and bring back the Magdalen laundries. That will help.

I think you are giving too much away GetOrf and will leave yourself vulnerable if you're not careful.

We all have lessons to learn and the catholic church have shot themselves in the foot time and again. Probably was a mistake to mention them again although they were mentioned in the link the OP gave so I'm not going off on a tangent. I'm not about to defend them, but I do think that even if you don't take it from them, you need to open your eyes to what sex education is really about and why it is that abortion rates are so high and why, incidentally, the age at which women have an abortion is falling drastically.

Getorf - you don't come across as unhinged at all.

That would be the Catholic church which, given it's way, would have more of the human race suffering from aids, more women dying of child-birth related conditions and more children born in countries which cannot support them, more women trapped in violent marriages, more women viewed as mere appendages of their husbands and more women having breakdowns owing to carrying and bearing a child they neither want nor can cope with?

I normally take an "each to their own" view to religion but not here. I'm struggling not to tell you where to put the Catholic church.

DD2 (14) is soon to attend a faith school - NOT my choice, NO option, long story. It's an academically a good school and known for it's care and guidance and I'm anxious to build a good relationship with staff for my daughter's sake.

However she will NOT be taking part in any of their Catholic based assemblies and CERTAINLY not be taking part in any of their Catholic-led sex education/relationship classes. I owe my daughters far better than that.

Sorry, was trying to add that future generations need to be free to choose and not feel guilty about it, which doesn't happen in a Catholic-based education.

BTW I am definitely not coming from a religious perspective Just want to make that clear. I was hugely relieved to have a termination at 19 when I thought I just couldn't cope with a child and off I went to uni and india etc without a care in the world FFwd 10 years after ds was about 3 I wanted another and was told no by several doctors and then the regret for the termination came from nowhere and nearly finished me off! That is why the flippant tone bothered me You really never know what is coming in life to freak you out!

Abortion rates are sky high not because of a lack of contraception but because of alcohol.

That is a very intelligent comment. Well done :)

I think you are giving too much away GetOrf and will leave yourself vulnerable if you're not careful.

WTF is that meant to mean?

Beesimo, so sad. I'm so sorry.