Bored by full-time motherhood

[boredtodeath]

I was made redundant last year after 12 years in a very demanding job. I decided to view it as a positive thing (I got a decent redundancy package so was not in financial dire straits) and throw myself into finally having time to be with my children aged 6 and 2. The only trouble is that I am unspeakably bored. Has anyone else felt this way or am I just a horrible mother? I adore them both but I feel like the household maid rather than the Mary Poppins-esque woman I had hoped to be. Where am I going wrong? Is there anyone out there who feels the same?

wowwow - I couldn't agree more.

What is SALT Norman?

Also, who said Eliot? Think I missed that one! Want to see!
[english lit geek]

Sorry

Speech therapy ( if you are interested in language tis something to consider)

And it was a comment by Miggsie up thread. About The Love Song of J ALfred Prufrock

I totally disagree about the structure of work v sahm. I am sitting having my breakfast now and am on my laptop. I will sit and have a lunch break later. In fact, in a minute, I will go and have a shower

At work I dont get a lunch break and cant nip into the shower

And I am hpc resistered :)

Nope, found it!! Agree with the sentiment Miggsie

It's nice to find sentences in literature that correspond with how you are feeling at that particular time. It helps a lot I think.
Love Eliot.
Barrat-Browning is also a good read when you fancy some cosy soul searching.

Oooh, yes Norman. Good choice. Never considered that before. Don't know why!

That sounds dreamy onlion! If I don't shower before dh leaves in the morning I won't get to - my boys like to run a very demanding tag team system at the moment. It's wearing me down!

And I very rarely get breakfast without some little bugger stealing some!
But hey, it's good for weight loss!
There is no way in holy hell I could sit down and do any kind of work - as it is I've had to clean up wee, put crotchety baby back to bed 3 times and am currently typing one fingered while feeding baby, turning tv over for ds1 until he finds something he deems watchable without screaming 'get it off' therefore waking crotchety baby...
I envy you!

What is it like being an hcp? How does it fit in with your children? I am curious. Do you love your job? Would love to do something I love. (sorry for all the questions - am very nosy :) )

Completing a task in it's entirety first time without interspersing it with other things is something I dream of! Never before have I longed so much just to be able to hang out the washing in one go, instead of the in, out, see you in a few hours....

Never mind eh?

Right everyone *shhhhhh!!

Baby is asleep! (woohoo!!)
Toddler is watching some cack on tv and is being quiet.
Now might be the time to finish chopping the carrots!!

(I am far too easily excited these days)

I only have one small. That helps. SAHMumming has been a breeze.Nothing like work. Especillay when he started going to preschool and now school. Work sucks in comparison.

I look back on life with one with joy - it was lovely.
Two under 3 - much more difficult. Now there's double buggies and 10 bags of shite to make up before we go anywhere and ds1 is potty training and ds2 is weaning and teething and my house is in a constant state of hellholeness and all ds1 wants is biscuits and he is eating me out of house and home....

I am amazed at ow drastically evrything has changed since ds2!

It will get better. Six months and the fog will start to clear.

I really don't understand why you, Xenia and SM too come on EVERY single thread that has anything to do with people being a SAHM. Xenia in particular reduces it to things like "singing the Wheels on the Bus 30 times a day".

My ds is 18 months old so I am new to this and it is worth talking about.. and if your choice is one you have made and are happy about and you feel has value, I can see why you might feel that there is value in sharing that with women at a different stage of the process.

But saying the SAME things on threads again and again and again (the Romans had slaves to take care of their kids, dontcha know? there are all these mothers "banging the Biddulph tambourine" etc with the SAME phraseology, strikes me as a strange thing to invest so much time in when you are not actively involved in making that particular choice.

I doubt very much I will ever be a SAHM apart from those months on maternity but I am making and will make my own choices and I don't feel the need to tell other people that what they do is boring or because they are precious moments mamas or x or y or z.

This thread was shaping up as a fresh discussion on an old topic and then along come the old faithfuls with the "my life is so fantastic, you are deluded if you think you can have as fantastic a life as mine if you don't do what I do" stuff. It's extremely tiring. I'd really like to see a discussion with nuance and openness that isn't as polarised as it becomes when the old faithfuls arrive. I thought this might be that thread but sadly, no.

Sorry was that directed at me?

think you'll find anyone can participate on any thread
thats kinda the way it works, teats the frission and riposte
this is not a come on and participate but only if you agree with 9til5.

Yes but you don't participate, as such. You lecture, from an immoveable position. Again and again and again. It really reduces the opportunity for honest and open discussion because it becomes polarised. And yes, you are very very entitled to keep trotting out the same old stuff in exactly the same old way using exactly the same old phrases, SM. I think it silences others though.

I don't have a "position" that I want others to agree with. You do. I haven't made up my mind, it's still in a state of flux. It's refreshing when you get different perspectives, when you participate in a discussion. People were sharing their experiences and reflections in an honest way on this thread, it was really interesting.

Lo and behold, within a few pages it's the old "SAHM is not a job", it doesn't attract a salary yada yada, everyone at home is just feeding ducks and singing songs. Stereotypical bullshit that shuts up anyone with a more interesting, nuanced tale to tell.

Yes SM, keep on, do. And as you are entitled to do that, so am I to say it is dull as the dishwater that you assume that everyone else is sloshing about in if they want a different opinion to yours.

thats a discursive forum for you. generally speaking posters have a stsed position and will explore from that with mixture of opinion,anecdote and that will create a frsiion or response form someone not of same opinion.

so infact your assertion can equally be levelled at anyone. certainly isn't too long a wait til someone rocks up and says
sahm is a job
they'd never put kids in after school
...as you see most of these threads are oppositional. and there is always a default position that posters take,inc you i expect

I feel this is a good time to add this:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/1224012-A-support-thread-for-the-SAHMs-who-are-looking-for-friendship-advice-and-motivation?msgid=25628470#25628470

I hope this can take off as a place for other SAHM to find support and friendship. I find sometimes it's the lonliest thing in the world (I am yet to talk to another adult today in RL)

If anyone wants to offload and scream and shout...please do.

It's high time we all had a place to say how shit it is and perk each other up.

[hopeful]

support and swopping and sharing tips is v good idea
maybe look at posting in mn local too

My point was that, no, I don't have a default position.

This was one of those threads that didn't invite "default positions". Many do, that's true, esp on AIBU.

This seemed more reflective, which made it interesting. Now it has become the same old tired stuff.

From my current vantage point, I am mostly interested in why there has to be a "default position" on SAHM/WOHM debates as in reality I don't see those around me taking such stark or extreme views. I know that there will be many on MN who have ambivalent feelings about being a SAHM or a WOHM and this thread seemed to be ready to explore this... I'm interested in others' experiences and their reflections because I am at a stage in my life where all of this is up for grabs.

I don't take issue with anyone sharing their experience on a thread like this.. but it feels as though there are certain lines trotted out to inflame that make it hard for people who do have ambivalence about their own role to be honest about that, because when you have posters like you and Xenia ready to step in (almost triumphant) with a "ha! told you! it IS boring!" etc, it doesn't create an atmosphere that's conducive to openness.

That disappointed me on this thread. Join in, do.. but occasionally listen, maybe? Or say something new? You are clearly intelligent women, why not exercise this? What do you get out of rephrasing the same old stuff again and again? I can't see what's in it for you?

Actually I like this thread. I don't think I say the same things ^all the time... I have been a SAHM for 7 years, I have three children under 6, last year I was so tired I could have lain down on the pavement to sleep.

SAHM is what I do I have a husband who has taken ONE day off this year. I find these discussions interesting because I am intelligent and hardworking and it is a struggle to be happy in my 'choice.'

With respect you have one 18 month old and are fortunate to have maternity leave and a job to return to. My life is very different and it's axrelief to talk about it.

you are over personalising this
so i have a specific pov,so what?im not likely to desist from posting my pov just in case it irks someone. err you perhaps?

it is indeed only that - my pov
and people can and do challenge and assert their pov.as i would expect them too.

no i dont recall names of whom specifically would take issue with me,so cant particularly say oh well what's-her-name she always says why have children if you dont watch them and leave with strangers. undoubtedly there are other posters who have equally strident oppositional views to mine,and well good thing too.its the riposte and frisson that makes threads livelier.

NormanTebbit, I don't understand how your post relates to mine, really. I was specifically raising a point about two posters who I named and a very specific trend of seeing open discussion reduced to stereotypical phrases/tropes/ I don't think "with respect" that how many children someone has or what stage of their life they are counts them in or out of a discussion, and I'm not sure what the relevance of my employment status is to my point, other than that you could insert a patronising "with respect" into the equation?

SM, if anyone had rocked up talking about leaving their kids with strangers or behavioural difficulties in nursery-"reared" threads, I'd have had a good old pop at them about it too. Essentially, a few days ago I was really interested in this thread, had to go away for a few days and came back hoping to read more of women's experiences and thoughts and the variety of life and found we were back to very specific arguments vs anecdotes/stories and I was personally disappointed by that.

It's not about asking anyone to desist.. it's about saying that I wish there were greater variety of points of view on this, really, and that sometimes when a thread is shaping up in a particular way it would be interesting to see where that could go before resorting to the same-old, same-old.

Lots of typos, sorry

again thats your subjective pov "same ole same ole"
sahm/working is a mn perennial.always has been.always will be
if you find it so tiresome,dont post.and just let the thread continue in its own way.

your not a mn moderator so whether or not you find this all so so tedious and been there,done that.well doesn't really matter. that is your reaction to the thread-fair enough. but it isnt in itself a compelling enough reason for me or anyone else not to post.just because you no likey

can actually say some of the best threads are the ones were posters are diametrically opposed and can get a good debate going. i dont need or seek the exact same opinion as myself.thats not point of discursive medium

"I really don't understand why you, Xenia and SM too come on EVERY single thread"

As I was the poster above, I thought it was directed at me. I only added with respect as I was stung by you comments which seem to count me out of the debate as my points were not sufficiently nuanced or something...

The point I am making is that for some of us this debate is pretty close to the bone, those of us with several children, crippling childcare costs which mean we are at home, partners who work long hours, or abroad, and it can be a real struggle as ThreeLittleducks put it so well.

Maybe I should just leave it alone. I dunno