Our baby has been NFI to all our weddings this summer! How would you address?

[hellojude]

This is a tricky one...advice please.

We have been invited to a number of weddings this summer, however all of them have said no children. When I've check this inc babies. I've asked if we can bring our DD. Must couples have said sorry no, but if it's a problem let us know... Another has said a flat no
I fully understand no children at wedding as you have to feed them etc etc no babies....Yes it's their wedding but..WTF to me this seems unreasonable? Is it?

Our DD hasn't even had her 2 round of jabs yet. And whist I don't wish to miss any of our dear friends weddings, I don't want to leave her for 12 + hours. We don't have any family near-by and any friends who i could leave her (ie. godmother) with will be at the wedding too! And I'm not getting a sitter to look after a baby all day.

DH has said we can split the wedding, I'll go to my friends and he'll look after her and vice versa.

1. We are married and I don't want to go to a wedding without my husband.
2. We have a newborn baby and I don't want to leave her.
3. Everyone loves babies and IMO surely would bring great joy at a wedding

I really don't make to be 'that' person who makes the brides life a pain as planning a wedding is tough. I know I've done it. But should I make a stand and say, I'm sorry but I can't come without my baby??

Dam and blast it's tough, what would you all done / say?

TIA

p.s) none of these couples have children...I'm sure in a few years they will 'get it' so to speak.

I would pass your apologies on but sadly he's been dead 3 years in August

Nope, I would respond in the negative and then ignore the happy couple. As I now plan to ignore you.

Go Bimbo! Saidthespider why does it make someone a tosser? I'm afraid it sounds like you are a right pain in the ass. It's the brides day- accept it and move on.

Is it the bride's day - does the groom get a look in anywhere?

Sorry Bimbo, the details are a little hazy.

I love weddings. They come in all shapes and sizes. I've enjoyed the childfree ones and I've enjoyed the ones where ds has come and charged around whilst his parents get pissed and dance to the Human League

I do think it's a bit daft to not invite babes in arms, but that's up to the bride and groom.

What I don't get, is all this it's a family occasion you must invite kids business. That may apply to children in your own family who you know etc but why on earth would you invite say the 7 and 9 year old children of your friend/colleague etc who you may never have met! That I think is really weird. At our wedding we invited who we wanted that was all the people in our family including many children, and all our friends which strangely enough included no children as as an adult my friends are other adults, not their children.

Just out of interest do all these people who think it is crazy not to invite kids eve have a dinner party or the like? If so do you always invite the whole family?

It is the Bride and Groom's day. If they don't want babies it is up to them. If you can't get a sitter for the day that is your problem - not theirs. If it is not possible for you to go, then politely decline. Not that tricky really!

Some couples make the choice never to have children so why should they invite someone else's dc? Some venues aren't suitable for children/restricted on numbers/charge a fortune for child's meals.

I personally wouldn't leave a small baby but wouldn't expect the bride and groom to make an exception for me. I'd simply decline the invitation. For (an) older child(ren) I would, and have, found a babysitter and gone and enjoyed myself.

I'd rather have Valhalla's dogs than a screaming baby or a child that's allowed to run around shouting/screaming. I agree with a pp who said that the rise of child free weddings has probably coincided with some parents letting their children get away with bad behaviour.

Not everyone loves babies, and whaile your child brings great joy to you I am sure that same joy would not be felt by the bride/groom/guest who would have to listen to a screaming baby

we said no children at our wedding, just our neices who were bridesmaids.

I now have 2 dc myself and totally understand when others do the same.

This has meant we have missed a few weddings and i went to one on my own...thats the way it goes...

Still wonder what NFI stands for

NFI - Not Formally Invited?

I quite happily leave DD with grandparents for weddings - it means we can enjoy ourselves without worrying what she's up to, and she thinks it's a real treat to have the day with the GPs! :) FWIW, I left her at 4 months for a friend's wedding (I expressed lots of milk for her), and although I wasn't drinking, in case I had to dash home, we had a great time, and I hardly had time to miss her, but maybe I'm a crappy Mum!?
I'm off to 3 child-free weddings this summer, including one where my DP hasn't been invited to either, but as it's a workmates evening do, I'll go with the gang from work, and not bat an eye!
I just don't get why you have to be invited everywhere as an unbreakable unit... You were a person in your own right before marriage and baby, it doesn't stop just because you're a married mum now!
So, in short, YABU.

No Fucking Idea

We didn't have any children or babies at our wedding. We didn't want to make exceptions as that wasn't fair.

Now I'm pregnant myself, I know I will totally understand if we get invites for 'adults only' in the future.

Their wedding, their choice.

not fucking invited ?

It's a personal choice. My SIL had no children allowed at all- it was the policy of their chosen venue. Most of their mates didn't have kids anyway and the ones who did were only too happy to leave them with grandparents or whatever and spend the weekend having a good time being childfree

I'd either not go, explaining why and send a card instead. YANBU to not want to leave a very young baby, I wouldn't leave a baby that young unless it was a local do and I could nip back within the hour if baby needed me. I've done this. Left baby (9 months) with my mum and went to an evening reception half hour away.

Or do as your DH suggested. Which is a great solution imo.

Always makes mw laugh hat brides don't want screaming during the vows, if it's in a church they might get what happened to me somebdy walk n off the street with their two year old to watch. And the child shouted during the ceremony, good job I had a sense of humor.

I would decline and let them know you can't leave your baby. It's a shame that some people don't want children "spoiling their big day" but any normal person would take a screaming baby out.
I disagree vehemently with "weddings are expensive so we can't afford to invite the children" as if they're some sort of bloody sub-species that don't deserve the expense of a meal!
Believe me, it's not worth making a fuss over - just decline the invitations.

pssst - it's not actually their day. You can't actually appropriate an entire day. What a wedding actually is is lots of family and friends and people who care about you taking the trouble and expense to dress up nicely and come and support you and share your joy at getting married. They are your GUESTS. Not a cast of extras for you to treat however you please.

Decline, but don't write an essay explaining why. It makes you sound like a whinger who expects their sob story to melt hearts and rearrange plans. Say that circumstances don't allow your attendance, wish them all the best and post it off. Job done.

I have no idea why weddings are a domain where people feel that someone other than the host might have a better idea of who ought to be invited.

There are all sorts of reasons why children might not be invited, not just because they might scream during the vows. Space, cost, bad behaviour, safety - all valid reasons.

OP - you are being too simplistic and precious about "everyone loving children and that they would bring joy to a wedding". They might not. So don't impose your values on others.

Your DH has offered a sensible compromise - either accept it or decline all the invitations. However, if he wants to go to one without you, you should let him with a good grace - he might not think that just because you are married he should take you everywhere with him.

FWIW, I think that people who don't invite children should make allowances for babes in arms - so long as they can rely on those parents to try and keep the screaming down, or move out of everyone else's earshot.

It is their day- the people lucky enough to be invited can either respect its their day and comply with their wishes or kick up a stink and not bother attending.

Babies bring great joy at a wedding?! To you maybe!

It's their choice not to have kids/babies and your choice to not go!