to think that DD is promiscuous and unreasonable?

[dangerousdebbie1]

DD, been going out with boyfriend for six weeks. She only turned 17 nine days ago. DD met her boyfriend at a guiding / scouting convention and they hit it off. Unfortunately, he lives 81 miles away in Nottingham. Anyway, just had a blazing row with DH and DD as DD announces that boyfriend is coming to visit next weekend and when I asked her where she thought he would sleep, she looked at me with aghast, and said in my bed of course.

Rightly or wrongly, I said over my dead body. I told DD in no uncertain terms that this was our home and not a brothel. DH says i'm out of order and reminded me that this is 2011 and not 1951.

I have been in tears over this. Sorry, but it wouldn't matter if she was 17 or 21, she isn't married so I will not let her share a bed in my house. Am confused.

listeningstick

Thanks, it does seem that i'm in the minority here. Indicative of 'modern' Britain, today, i'm afraid.

Older scouts and guides- always the hedonists

It wasn't for me Fabby, I was perfectly ready for a sexual relationship with DH at 16 , it wasn't for my DD either, we allowed her boyfriend to stay over when she was 16, she had been with him for more than 6 weeks though.
It all depends on the maturity of the teenagers involved, some 16/17 year olds are not ready for sex , some are.

I'm a practising christian and I wouldnt allow it either, but I wouldnt throw my kids out. I dont believe that sex outside marriage is right, but then again, I came to this belief after I was married, having been sexually active long before that time, so I can't moralise about it.
I had my own BF stay at my parents house at a similar age. My mother was perfectly well aware that we were having sex, but he still slept on the sofa, and there would have been hell to pay if she had found him upstairs except to go to the bathroom.
I dont think it makes a difference if its 2011 or 1801, if the owner of the house isnt comfortable with you having sex under their roof, you dont do it, its just a matter of respect. I think OP's language was rather strong, but if thats her wishes the DD should abide by them.

Even if it is a windup due to usernames/numbers blah blah... actually there are mothers out there like this.

When I was 19 I lost my virginity to my first boyfriend while at university. My DM found my pills while nosying through my room about 6 months later, and demanded to know when I had first had sex...I said 4 months into the relationship it had actually been the night we met
She screamed at me for 5 days, made me take a pregnancy test in front of her and tell the results to my father, told me I was 'making her ill'... she cried for days and shut herself in her room. Told me I had 'dropped my knickers quick' (if only she knew!), called me a slut, it was wrong to have sex before marriage and before you could afford a child, that I would get pregnant and the worry was keeping her awake at night.

After that she insulted my boyfriend every chance she could, mocked his family, screamed and cried when I went to visit him (once every fortnight ffs), ignored him when he visited us....

Only drove me closer to him, he is now my DP and the loveliest most supportive man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, she is still a bitch.

Even if it is a windup due to usernames/numbers blah blah... actually there are mothers out there like this.

When I was 19 I lost my virginity to my first boyfriend while at university. My DM found my pills while nosying through my room about 6 months later, and demanded to know when I had first had sex...I said 4 months into the relationship it had actually been the night we met
She screamed at me for 5 days, made me take a pregnancy test in front of her and tell the results to my father, told me I was 'making her ill'... she cried for days and shut herself in her room. Told me I had 'dropped my knickers quick' (if only she knew!), called me a slut, it was wrong to have sex before marriage and before you could afford a child, that I would get pregnant and the worry was keeping her awake at night.

After that she insulted my boyfriend every chance she could, mocked his family, screamed and cried when I went to visit him (once every fortnight ffs), ignored him when he visited us....

Only drove me closer to him, he is now my DP and the loveliest most supportive man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, she is still a bitch.

Sorry, over eager with the post message button there

rogersmellyonthetelly

Thanks, my thoughts exactly. I won't be thowing anyone out. However, i'm more disturbed that because of my views, people think i'm trolling. Is this really where we've come to?

I think the fact that she assumed he would sleep in the same bed, was a bit as when i was 19, the man who i was dating for 5 month (Now my DH) came to stay with me at my parents, and i asked if i should get the camp bed out,my mum and dad asked where i slept when i stayed with him, and i said we shared a bed and they said i could do that in our house too, however for the first 10 times he stayed with us i still got the camp bed out, just out of respect and he slept next to my bed on it. We were sleeping with each other, and obviously my parents knew this, but i just felt it was their home?! Weird i know!! I lost my virginity alot younger with another boy but in his grubby room, because my mum disproved of the boy i was dating at the time.

What i am trying to say is, if you push your kids away and make them feel wrong for something which is natural especially at 17, you may push them the wrong way in a relationship, i think had my mother been more understanding of my first bf, i wouldn't have slept with him at all, and would have waited?! IMO

You're going about it all the wrong way, the poor girl has now been compared to a prostitute for having a scout boyfriend, hardly riff raff!!

mm, i nearly cried too. i have a 15 year old stepdaughter. whether we like it or not, we have been navigating the tricky territory of teenage sexuality for a year. we all (parents) find it hugely challenging. it often brings up difficult stuff. but we deal with it - the situations, her relationship, the fact that she is a sexual being - with as much humour and honesty as we can muster. not because it is funny, but because we all know that as the parents, it's up to us to maintain open lines of communication; or, at the very least, model that good communication to her.
i feel very sad for you all that this is happening. can you rescue the situation? it seems to me that given your inappropriate language, the onus is on you to begin this process.
you're entitled to your opinion. but you're not entitled to colour another human being's relationships with your own projections of fear, mistrust and lack of acceptance.
newsflash - we don't own our children!

sorry I seem to have posted twice - I think

To everyone.

Why on earth would I be a 'wind up'?

I don't mock anyone for having "moral standards". I mock people for being judgemental, thick twats. It's totally lacking in morals to accuse your own child of being promiscuous and being a tart for wanting to share a bed with a boyfriend. IMO.

I agree with lequeen. You have every right to dictate who sleeps where in your home (although you have to be prepared for them to choose to sleep elsewhere) but to call your daughter a prostitute and accuse her of turning your home into a brothel is absolutely outrageous.

I'm not and never have been, on benefits, don't live in a council house ( not that there is anything wrong with that, I grew up in one) and have a long and happy marriage to the one man I've ever had sex with.

My DD is now 21. at University doing a Maths degree and about to embark on a teaching career, sex at 16 doesn't mean loose morals and automatic pregnancy.

Tatty, that's not the place I'm thinking of for the invasion of the bridge dwellers, I'm thinking somewhere more arsey .

Im not saying 16 is too young to have sex, albeit I wanted more for my kids than having sex at 16 and maybe becoming parents, so I instilled in them to wait until they were 18, they both most definately have. The biggest fear for me was having an unwanted pregnancy and their futures ruined.

I was younger than 16 and encouraged by my mother who went on to have an affair with my 16 year old boyfriend.

I however do not agree that under 18's have the right to sleep with their partners in the family home. It's a no go for me.

What the OP needs to be doing though is ensuring that a pregnancy does not happen and get her daughter on the pill.

Why is this being considered a wind -up ?

Malificence what a waste of a Maths degree to go into teaching.

hmmmmmm so let me see we have a first-time poster/namechanger espousing nutso views....

aaaand a first-time poster/name changer who has apparently registered specifically to agree with said nutso views.

Someone is bored.

fabby...what a rotten thing to say

for some, teaching is a vocation, and something they really, really want to do

and thank fuck for those people

< sheesh >