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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that DD is promiscuous and unreasonable?

377 replies

dangerousdebbie1 · 23/05/2011 20:26

DD, been going out with boyfriend for six weeks. She only turned 17 nine days ago. DD met her boyfriend at a guiding / scouting convention and they hit it off. Unfortunately, he lives 81 miles away in Nottingham. Anyway, just had a blazing row with DH and DD as DD announces that boyfriend is coming to visit next weekend and when I asked her where she thought he would sleep, she looked at me with aghast, and said in my bed of course.

Rightly or wrongly, I said over my dead body. I told DD in no uncertain terms that this was our home and not a brothel. DH says i'm out of order and reminded me that this is 2011 and not 1951.

I have been in tears over this. Sorry, but it wouldn't matter if she was 17 or 21, she isn't married so I will not let her share a bed in my house. Am confused.

OP posts:
LadyOfTheManor · 23/05/2011 21:19

It's your house and your rules.

I'll be the same with my children as my parents were the same with me. It may very well be "going on" but that doesn't mean you have to condone it.

Good on you.

FabbyChic · 23/05/2011 21:19

You should be proud of her, its a massive achievement, I wish her well. Takes a special kind of person to be a teacher.

emsyj · 23/05/2011 21:19

Well I must have a long-lost sibling, because my mum sounds JUST like yours, Leverkusen Shock.

I think I would be uncomfortable with my DD sleeping with a boyfriend in my house unless it was a well established relationship. I'm with LeQueen on this one.

QuackQuackSqueak · 23/05/2011 21:19

listeningstick - isn't being a christian supposed to be about forgiveness and acceptance?!

usualsuspect · 23/05/2011 21:19

I agree with tethersend

Saggyoldclothcatpuss · 23/05/2011 21:20

You called your DD a whore!...Shock

AnyFucker · 23/05/2011 21:20

fabby, some people just don't want to work in the banking or insurance industries

I bloody well wouldn't

thank fuck for that

a talent for maths can be used to enrich other's lives, in whatever way suits the individual

I ain't seen too bankers enriching lives recently Hmm

listeningstick · 23/05/2011 21:21

Being new on the internet and here by the way! Could someone please explain what a troll is!!?

theyoungvisiter · 23/05/2011 21:21

I agree with theyoungvisiter. And she agrees with me.

tethersend · 23/05/2011 21:21

tethersend-

Pay no attentions to the naysayers. Weetabix may be full of fibre, but it wouldn't go to bed with your teenaged daughter. I think.

Iggly · 23/05/2011 21:21

youngvisitor - I would hardly call this inflammatory?! Yes a bit unusual but it sounds like the OP got over emotional TBH and obviously still is. I've come across people like this in RL so maybe that's why I'm not shocked.

ivykaty44 · 23/05/2011 21:22

who called their dd a whore?

LeQueen · 23/05/2011 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rogersmellyonthetelly · 23/05/2011 21:22

a troll is someone who makes up an identity and then posts a very controversial post in order to get attention or to shit stir.

tethersend · 23/05/2011 21:22

What usualsuspect said.

kickingking · 23/05/2011 21:23

It is your house and your rules. However, I think your language is not on - brothel? Are you implying that she is being paid for sex? Hmm

There are two points I want to make here - you can share a room/bed without having actual sex. I've done it myself with several boyfriends, including my now DH when we were in our early 20s because we wanted to wait a bit before having sex. Maybe I'm naive to think that anyone else does that, but that is my experience.

Second, if she is having sex, they will have sex whether you like it or not. So there is an arguement that they would be better off having sex in her own bedroom than in a park/bus shelter/car.

AyeRobot · 23/05/2011 21:23

Very well judged topic, though, OP. Though you should have lurked for a little while longer because you slightly misjudged the tone. Your hook was a bit too visible and so you haven't caught enough for your dinner.

I agree with tethersend.

usualsuspect · 23/05/2011 21:23

What I said

SpeedyGonzalez · 23/05/2011 21:23

DD (arf arf - saw that one a mile off). You're a man, aren't you? A very bored man. Are you at the pub with your mates?

listeningstick · 23/05/2011 21:25

"listeningstick - isn't being a christian supposed to be about forgiveness and acceptance?!"

Yes it is but if the problem is nipped in the bud there is no need for acceptance and/or forgiveness.

Respect yourself and you shall respect others.

LeQueen · 23/05/2011 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flyingspaghettimonster · 23/05/2011 21:25

Your house, your rules I guess. We all had to live with that I am sure... and we probably all snuck out of our room on the pretense of going to the bathroom, shagged our boyfriends senseless, and snuck back to our own bed before dawn... but if that is the way you want it to be, go for it.

I hope when my kids get old enough I will be able to handle their adult relationships and not enforce the same rules I hated as a teen, but who knows, maybe it is unavoidable when it is your own kid. :)

tethersend · 23/05/2011 21:25

tethersend:

Thank goodness there is someone brave enough to say what we're all thinking.

KittySpencer · 23/05/2011 21:26

At one level it's your house and your rules.

If it was my DD, I wouldn't permit it in view of her age and the brevity of the relationship.

However there are ways of going about things, and I think the language you used was very wrong.

LeQueen · 23/05/2011 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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