to have a child knowing that I will have to rely on the state for income?

[problemchild]

We're not getting any younger and we do want a family.

I work in a very low-paid job and my partner is too ill to work. He may well lose his ESA soon, so I'll probably be better off not working soon anyway.

I'm normally a very proud, independent person but the way things are going we will never be able to afford a family.

Would I be crazy to just say fuck it and live off the state?

Society would be better focussing itself on teh abrriers into work that she faces than criticising frankly

This is true, it can't be denied that there is disability discrimination out there. Attitudes need to change before things get easier for disabled people to work. I know lots of disabled people who lost their jobs, or can't find a job either directly due to discrimination, or due to the effects of the disability. some examples

• Myself and another girl with the same illness - both lost our jobs due to the amount of time we needed off sick meaning we couldn't perform our jobs to standard as we had much less time to do it in

• someone with Autism struggling with the interview stage, or coming across as different

• someone with SN perhaps struggling to fit in to their team, not getting the jokes, other people not getting their jokes/beahviours/not liking the stimming etc (this has happened to me a few times)

• someone who needs adaptions e.g. for a wheelchair, or special software if they are blind or deaf - employers assuming this person will be costly or constantly off sick.

• employers being scared to hire disabled people due to misconceptions, perhaps they're scared of not knowing what the laws etc are, perhaps they're worried about saying the wrong thing or that the disabled person's colleagues may feel 'uncomfortable'

These kinds of attitudes need addressing as well as improving the skills and self esteem of disabled people. They both need to happen together. Some of the attitudes towards disabled people expressed on other threads on here have been shocking - imagine being a disabled person working with people who hold those types of views, or trying to get a job with someone who holds a belief that disabled people are 'scroungers' or perhaps someone who believes most disabilities aren't really disabilities and that people are 'attention seeking' or just want to be 'seen as different'. Not a nice situation to be in. Statistically disabled graduates are more than twice as likely to be unemployed as non disabled graduates...

That's why organisations which help disabled people in to work are a good idea - if an employer has asked someone like Remploy or the Shaw Trust to find them candidates it shows they have a positive attitude towards people with disabilities and it gives the candidates the confidence to know at interview that they're not going to be judged negatively.

Maypole-she seems to be mulling over a worse case senario. To me she is coming across as being short on confidence at present. Both her and her DP sound as though they need a boost of self esteem.

She has stated that she cannot continue to work once she gets pregnant, not that she wants to stop, big difference. She needs to plan, which some posters are suggesting.

You 'imagined' a small council flat, you've painted a picture as have others without taking onboard all that the OP has done to qualify herself and progress. Not everyone is money orientated though, some live very happy lives in council flats.

ScousyFogarty you talk utter left-wing bollocks.

"We live in a country which is greedy at the top...and it will only change very gradually dont hold your breath."

The top 10% of earners in the UK pay just under 50% of all taxes collected, so I can only assume you're expecting them/us to pick up even more of the bill at some point in the future?

You might find yourself waiting a while for that; plenty of those high-earners are more than capable of sodding off to somewhere with a less oppressive tax policy. If they/we do, everyone else is going to be taxed more heavily to make up the shortfall, so don't be so sure that it's the way forward for you and your left-wing buddies.

As for the OP, I don't know what to think really. For me it's not so much the expecting others to support your choice to have a family and not work, as the issue of bringing a child into a non-working household, on purpose. Although when I say that I feel more judgemental than I'd like to; I can imagine the heartache of wanting a child, but being unable to provide for it.

MintyMoo-toatlly agree, REMPLOY has shut down in my city through lack of funding, their replacement is now going. Thats why i am handling benefit and tribunerals in my voluntary job, the organisations that can help, are closing weekly. My place is under 'restruction'.

ShellyBoobs- i took him to mean those in power and with vested interest in business, not just high tax payers. Social Policy from the 19th Century shows what is said to be somewhat true, wages have been kept deliberatly low and the employment protection policies, also.

What I would also say to the OP is- simply

I am also in a position where everything I do seems to gend up with yet another closed door: degree, post grad and eitehr Dh is made redundant, or yet another child is diagnosed with a disability, or a training place I had lined up is closed, or the Sn holiday scheme is no longer a full day due to funding.......

I;m not going to give up dn I suspect neiternare you; independence as intention is not reality, and crucially pride, are either things you have or do not. BUT ther are days where I feel like yelling fuck it and signing up for the council house we have been told we would get; chucking in college and claiming extra benefits for ever.

I am not going to, but certainly I don't think either it's odd that I get knocked.

What I would say is yes ATOS are screwing up ESA so you might be right about your hubby sadly. DS1 gets HR care but becuase he looks 'normal' am pretty sure he won;t get anything after 16 as that's not how ATOS work, even if he does still need 24/7 supervision. BUT keep working, have your child (has maypole missed that you are the working poor I wonder?) and just plough on. look for soemthing else or is there anything you can do from home? DH has ahd to retrain so has been trading via ebay and is launching a shop shortly retailing in his degree-related specialism. Can't say it's made us millionaires yet but the bills are paid and we are off camping next week.

Have you spoken to the charity www.katiepiperfoundation.org.uk/here, even if not exactly right (maybe they are?) for you they will have advice I am sure and maybe be able to refer you to the right support. Counselling absolutely; and just keep trying.

When we deal with adverse situations our pride shouldn't necessarily be absed on what we have amassed but how hard we keep trying and indeed, how typial a life we have led. That is where our dignity should be found.

And ask yourself why you satrted this thread. I am teh vetran on MN of the self harm thread of exactly this variant and it is when I am hating myself, it seems to be an inner call for a verbal beating tbh. I now leave MN when I am aware I feel like that because I am only use to society if I am strong: but absolutely live your life as close to the typical as you can and fight as hard as you can and that's IMO perfectly OK.

squeakytoy that would make more sense if the gov would provide jobs for poorer people. They irresponsibly leave it to the MARKET...the market probably thinks there are worse things than high unemployment, .And Thatcherene ditched people on IB when it suited her purpose. Cameron say he will shift people from iB to JS because we pay then 30 qid a week less. (And that sickpeople. I fellout with 5-live radio over this big time. I thought the lady broadcasters were being kind to the Coaltion and a little unkind to some vulnerable people.

Birdsgottafly so why are people un happy at the cuts if money is not everything then it shouldn't matter that welfare is being cut

We timed our children by when we could afford them.

Birdgota isn;t that inherent in capitalism? Capitalist societies need a pool of low paid or unpaid needy people who are desperate to take even the shittest low paid job in order to survive. The system depends upon it. Inherent in that is unemployment yet those at teh top see the unemployed as a mass of lazy ingrates when in fact they are in many ways codependents.

As well as variable human being with back stories.

OP I do wonder though if you dont get a permanent job now before your preganant what benefit will you get anyway?

Surely your better to get a job for the Maternity allowance at least.

I can't really see what benefit you would get as you wont get JSA if your a SAHM and if you dont work you can't get income support or working tax credit.

I know you will get child benefit but its only £20 per week.

I dont know much about benefits but I really dont see what you would be entitled too? Perhaps some else knows?

maypole

Because money isn't everything

BUT

security is

waiitng list for a concil house is 30k around our way. If the HB falls or rents rise above affordability people will be left without a roof. That's not being acquisitive, just scared.

Being in a B&B is no use if your kids or you are sick or disabled... or if you work low paid shifts so need to sleep in the day, for example.

It's not belt tightening people are terrified of (not that I fancy that, I am human) but the absolute colapse of their security. That's reasonable.

more so personally my biggest fear of cuts is what happens to my Sn boys when I am dead; DC can't provide me with immortality, whilst i am ehr they wont; satrve but if tehre's no home care, no meals on wheels, theya re denied ESA as it is very bad news for people with an ASD in how it is assessed.... what then? DS3 would simply sit and starve yet he is classed as mderate dn unable to fior severe criteria and thats only group allowed to receive help now.

Coco she woudl get benefits, JSa if she ahs chidlcare and is willing tow ork, plus contrbutions based if she's done enough contract work; child tax credits, and the low income benefits such as HB.

Although in under 2 years UC comes in and who knows then?

But I was under the impression she wouldn't work at all (though havent read all thread) so no JSA?
I understand about HB but will go on rent so what will there be to live off?

When I wasn't working when dc was born I dont recall getting much at all in child tax credits, there is no way it could have supported all 3 of us.

What exactly would she live off to buy food etc?

The problem is that low wage labour is also low skilled labour and there is much competition for this labour in the global economy. If wage rates increased in this country then a lot of jobs would be outsourced to developing nations or nations on the periphery of Europe.

maypole-because the cuts are unfair and unjust and hit those most vunerable the hardest. I care about the cuts because within two weeks of the new government essential provision in my area for disabled children was cut. Do you not care that social care is underfunded? and essentail services are no longer in place?

shelleyboob This wouldbe mother seems a better role model than a bnanker or wayne rooney. As to what you pay in tax if your rich; Nick Clegg has promised to sort out rich tax evaders and avoiders (Many times) They are not a soft target like disability claimants. ShelleyB you are a woman ,Now then your heart seems to be in the wrong place. Are you having it moved privately or on the NHS....?

oco TCs have changed a lot; if her Dh isn;t working they now deliver income support for the children / child via that delivery method.

Am not saying that she will be flush by a long way, but she will cope I imagine. There is certainly provision for food etc though- as a SAHM there isn;t anything if our aprtners earn a 'decent' wage but if there is no otehr income a safety net exists.

entitled to website woudl give figures and a breakdown I think.

"i took him to mean those in power and with vested interest in business, not just high tax payers. Social Policy from the 19th Century shows what is said to be somewhat true, wages have been kept deliberatly low and the employment protection policies, also."

I don't agree that wages have been kept deliberately low. There's no mechanism to do so, quite the opposite in fact as the NMW generally increases low end (not just NMW) salaries.

The thing is, we live in a free-market society. I'm happy to show
which side of the fence I'm on here and say that almost everyone benefits in a free-market, not just 'those at the top'. The less regulation and more economic freedom there is, the more productive and succesful a country is as a whole. Yes, there has to be a safety net for those unable to provide for themselves, but in general, the more freedom there is to create wealth, the more prosperous society becomes.

Look at places like DPRK and Zimbabwe, there's no freedom to prosper there (other than for those in government) and that certainly doesn't help the poorer in their societies does it?

Anyway, I've taken this wildly off-topic, so apologies OP. I might start another AIBU thread so that this one can be left for the topic it began with.

I'm still unsure as to what I think the right solution for you would be, though!

I went on entitledto (obviously guessing some of it) but basing on her DH having a 'middle' disabilty and her not working it came out;

Period:06/04/2011-05/04/2012 annual £ weekly £

Initial Tax Credit award for period: £3,103.68 £59.36
Working Tax Credit: £0.00 £0.00
Child Tax Credit: £3,103.68 £59.36

Final Tax Credit award for period: £3,103.68 £59.36
Working Tax Credit: £0.00 £0.00
Child Tax Credit award: £3,103.68 £59.36

Of course the OP would need to enter her exact circumstances as I was guessing; but if this is the ballpark figure how then you would have £60 pw for all 3?

The OP would get income support for a couple, and her partners ESA will stop, if her partner has been sick for over six months they may also be entitled to DLA.

She would also get housing and council tax benefit.

ShellyBoots i won't go off topic either but i was talking more around the industrialisation of the UK, off out so typed as i speak, really bad grammer, sorry.

"ShelleyB you are a woman ,Now then your heart seems to be in the wrong place. Are you having it moved privately or on the NHS....?"

Patronising sexist w*nker. What the hell has my being female got to do with this?

Point very well made Fabby (page 3) and many congratulations to your son...never thought I'd say that.

Yes, DLA and also her hubby might not lose ESA- people are panicking that doesn;t mean they will definiely lose it

Plus IS as FabbyChic said

it's not a joy being on benefits but it's doable: just.