to have a child knowing that I will have to rely on the state for income?

[problemchild]

We're not getting any younger and we do want a family.

I work in a very low-paid job and my partner is too ill to work. He may well lose his ESA soon, so I'll probably be better off not working soon anyway.

I'm normally a very proud, independent person but the way things are going we will never be able to afford a family.

Would I be crazy to just say fuck it and live off the state?

Peachy-thats my point also, they haven't failed they have been failed by the erosion of non-skilled work. But those on min wage should not be in your catagory. I did such work but decided to go for a degree, those that didn't should not be put down for it and they all need WTC and sometimes other benefits to be able to afford children, they are not 'sponging' or IMO wrong for having children knowing that they could not support them without state help.

Maypole, my childminder lived on benefits until her youngest was 11, her eldest 21. Her kids never got into trouble and all barring the youngest as still at school work.

She has since trained to be a social worker.

Being poor does not make you scum, or get you into trouble. The way in which you are brought up, your parents ideals, morals are what makes you the person you turn into.

My son comes from a working class family, he himself can now be classed as middle class, his soon to be income also puts him into that bracket.

Maypole-by the same token this country could not run if everyone went to work, a portion of people have to be unemployed. Also, i did homecare, we could not afford for those doing informal and formal caring to go to work, we couldn't afford the careplans people would need. Alot of my service users relied on their unemployed neighbours/friends and family. A person's worth shouldn't be judged by what they put into the tax system.

Maypole- i am very sad that you donot think that those who are disabled should produce children, i thought that died out with the NAZI's.

BGF - of course carers are valuable to society, but those women (and yes, it is usually women) that end up doing carer-type jobs often do so because they have no other options. Yes, there are some that choose those roles for unselfish/altrustic reasons but they are the minority. I was not having a dig at people in those roles at all.

'Peachy what would happen if everyone gave up their job and worked in the red cross shop for free your plan relies on other people working hard so the op can live if their tax

PLese show where I said that?

I stated that there are ways of making up for the alck of work in terms of managing a CV.

Besides why Red Cross? I work sometimes at an SN Base voluntarily; had I a PGCE I may well have been hired as a result. That might suit OP well!

I don't have (and yes I pay taxes) issue with OP having a child. I actually consider one child a basic if you plan to parent it well. Society would be better focussing itself on teh abrriers into work that she faces than criticising frankly, becuase it is societya ctively bloccking her at every step.

Birds on teh pro cuts thread she stated [eople on benefits should be left to starve.

So really I am not surprised.

OP says:
My partner would probably be a great SAHD for an older child, I don't think he could cope with being the main carer for a baby or todler.

So, at what age might he be able to look after a child? What do you consider 'older'?

With all due respect OP, you have been asked at least half a dozen times about the nature of your dp's illness/disability and have not given an answer. What is his issue? And, if you don't mind answering, if he is unable to work, how does he currently occupy himself and/or spend his days?

You did not read my posts I did say that this is not written in stone their will always be exceptions to the rules, I didn't mention the word scum but As I am sure your social worker friend will tell you being from a family based on benefits as an adverse effect on your outcomes in life.

And the fact that everyone you have talked about has since gone on to tidy and get a degree just shows how they themselves wanted to get out of the poverty trap

Poverty dose not mean bad parents but dose mean worse put comes

If your DH is too ill to work you would get help from tax credits with childcare so absoltely no reason to not work after maternity leave.

Utterly irresponsible to plan to have a child with no means to support it. The odds of you finding work when you have limited qualifications and 4 years out of the work place (possibly 5 dependant upon start age of school) are very low.

You've got years to find a better paid jon, study at the OU around work etc - if you truly are a "very proud, independent person" then living off other tax payers would not even be entering you head.

I don't think people's financial circumstances should dictate whether they're 'allowed' to have a child. I also think that waiting too long for the right circumstances is a mistake, because you never know what your fertility is going to like and how long it might take you to conceive. So from that point of view I think YANBU to think about trying to conceive.

However, I do think you sound excessively defeatist. It sounds to me like you already have a degree. I am sure there are interviewers who are biased against facial deformity, but I'm also sure there are interviewers who aren't. It sounds like you have given up trying, which will never help. Everyone goes through lots of unsuccessful interviews, but you only need one successful one to start your career.

30 is also very young to be assuming your DH will never work again - if he's moved off ESA, it will presumably be onto a benefit where he is expected to look for work. Is he not going to?

'so, i did homecare, we could not afford for those doing informal and formal caring to go to work, we couldn't afford the careplans people would need.

carer's Allowance for me $55 per week

(not contradictory to tax paying post, if you know the rules)

Care plans for my children would cost a minimum of £2k per week FT each (I have two with autism, one in assessment).

So whilst I am trying to work eprsonally as I dislike insecurity of being on benefits, carers pay for themselves many times over.

Birdsgottafly oh dear off with the fairies now and just making stuff up

Please show quote were I put that you won't be able to because your making it up oh dear

Any one who can support themselves should have children I think it's really sad that people support poverty want to perpetuate the situation and don't want better for children

Happy / Mainly

Big issues with ATOS atm: many being moved off ESA by ATOS and having to appeal (between 40 and 70% success rate dependant on disability sso very high error rate)

But you cannot sign on if the job centre people do not think you are able to work and being taken off ESA does not automatically say you are available to work: therefore a group of people are being denied ESA and JSA atm for contradictory reasons.

All a bit of a mess at this moment in time. but no, someone coming off ESA for ATOS reasons is not guaranteed a replacement income.

Is maypole just copy and pasting Daily Mail quotes?

Looks like she needs to get off her iPad (and her high horse) and stop being so narrow-minded. Hopefully she hasn't passed these confused ideas onto her children... What a hateful and confused individual.

OP - I think YABU to settle for less (and being a bit hard on yourself too, perhaps, thinking you can't achieve more!). There's tons of avenues to increase prospects and books on interview performance :] Good luck with whatever you try.

I dont think the Op wants to tell us what disability her partner has for some reason.

There are conditions attached to claiming JSA that many thrown off ESA cannot fulfil. Then there HB and CT stops as well, it is then a downward spiral.

SHE DOES NOT HAVE TO DECLARE HER DP's DISABILITY. It may identify her, she may not have his permission etc.

No doubt there are posters at the ready wainting to tell us how they know at least ten others who work. You are not doctors. Those that are, are not the OP's DP's GP.

maypole-And the op is talking about two parents one of whom is I'll not being in work living on benefits and one would imagine living in a small council owed property if you think that is the best start for a child then I am very sad for you two.

I think its sad that people support poverty also, thats why i speak about the situation of the 'working poor' in this country, as a disgrace.

I think it is a reasonable question to ask Birds, as the answer would certainly be relevant to the thread.

If it is a degenerative disability, which would in time require more care and help from the Op, then is it fair to bring a child into the relationship? If there is no additional family support, and the child grows up becoming the carer for a parent, that is an unfair situation for the child, and sadly this happens far too frequently.

No the op was talking about stopping work and ling on benefits which I personally cannot support if the op was suggesting having a baby wilder working and receiving tax credits thats a whole different thing.

In general terms I get the impression that HMG are clobbering people at the bottom. They are making a nast omelette and cracking a few vulnerable heads. It will become more obvious later in the year. VAT clobbers poorer people most. Calm Down Camerons attitude to the disability marchn London was a sulking snub by him and his ministers Eton Tories have not altered. How could they? We live in a country which is greedy at the top...and it will only change very gradually dont hold your breath. Some charitiess are doing good work

No the op was talking about stopping work and living on benefits, which I cannot support if the op was suggesting having a baby wilder working and receiving tax credits thats a whole different thing.

And to be fair its the working poor who suffer when their taxes who they work hard for have t goes towards those who pay nothing into the system

But thats not the question that she is asking. I don't think that the OP is getting the credit that she deserves by thinking deeply about having a child. Also she is working at present so the insults are unjustified.

What insults she is saying that once she gets pregnant she will stop working and claim