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AIBU?

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Original poster

I could really kill my ex hubby right now

158 replies

taylor74 · 21/05/2011 16:49

Arghhhhhhh I'm so bloody mad right now. Every Saturday I drop my DD at her dads for the night. He's since remarried and got 2 step children. Anyway last week when I picked DD up she kept going on about Disneyland and the daddy was going and why couldn't she go. She got very upset thinking she had done something wrong. So I called him asking what was happening as DD was in tears. Apparently his step kids had said that they were all off to Disneyland without her. Anyway the ex said it was true but he could not afford for DD to go. So me and DH said well as she really wants to go we will pay for her to go. The ex agreed so I said work it out and we will give you a cheque on saturday. Anyway dropped her off today and asked him how much he wanted and he said we need to talk. Apparantly his wife doesn't want my DD coming with them and spoiling their "holiday" I'm just so angry. She had her heart set on it and no way can we afford to all go, it was a struggle to find DD money for the trip but we managed. What do I tell her now as he's to cowardly to say anything.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 21/05/2011 16:53

oh thats awfull!!!

no advice,your poor dd

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/05/2011 16:57

That's an absolute disgrace. That's his daughter also. Angry

I don't know what you can do though, taylor, your ex's wife might make your daughter's time there really miserable even if you did manage to get her worm of a father to take her. :(

Oakmaiden · 21/05/2011 16:58

He needs to grow some and insist to his wife that his daughter is included.

But unfortunately you can't make him :(

So unfair for your dd. Can you try to save up to do it next year? I think there are sometimes offers which make it a bit more affordable....

iEmbarassedMyself · 21/05/2011 17:00

How old is she? You could tell her that her Dad and SM says she can't go, and that you're sorry, maybe she'll be able to go next year (or in a few).

Take the money that you've got together for her to go and set it aside to build up for you, her and your DH/other family to go in a few years? Maybe you could put a piggy bank out and put coins in it with her and tell her it's your very own disneyland fund, if she'd like that. Give her something to do and look forward to rather than being sad about missing out this year.

bochead · 21/05/2011 17:01

Let the ex take responsibility for telling her. It's a holiday organised by him not you. He needs to own leaving her out & therefore her understandabe hurt- suggest gently to him he plans a 1:1 special treat for her for instead.

The treat must not under any circumstances involve the wife and kids but should be for Dad and his kid alone and involve a considerable amount of TIME. This could be a weekend at the seaside together, just the two of them OR he could do a long weeknd to Disneyland Paris with her. If he doesn't do something to make her feel special, loved and EQUAL now, this is kind of thing she'll remember forever and really resent him for.

Pictish · 21/05/2011 17:01

Awwwww that's so so sad! No wonder you are so pissed off....I'd be livid and heartbroken too!

What a horrible woman his wife is to leave your dd out like that - how heartless.

I feel really sad now Sad

troisgarcons · 21/05/2011 17:01

Can see both dies of this, unpleasant as it is.

He shouldn't have made promises without talking to his wife first.

He also has a new family - and that shouldn't be to the detriment of his existing child - but the new wife also has a right to a family life of her own and maybe doesn't feel she wants the responsibility of another child - even if it is his.

Of course - he might just be blaming the new wife becasue he's too gutless to say he doesnt want the hassle of being a full tiem parent (even for a week or two).

What is your relationshuip with the new wife? Is it cordial - could you ring her and talk frankly about the situation without it descending into slanging match and blood bath?

Original poster
taylor74 · 21/05/2011 17:03

I did tell him to grow some balls. I honestly didn't think his wife would do this. He only told her lastnight that DD was coming too and that's when she said no way. It's not like DD is a bad children, she well behaved.

OP posts:
macdoodle · 21/05/2011 17:05

How old is she?? How old are the stepchildren? Will it change the dynamic? It can be hard to get a room for 5 as opposed to 4?
Am trying to be charitable but I would be furious too :( Your poor DD.

KittySpencer · 21/05/2011 17:06

What a weak man. So sorry for your DD.

I have been in a similar position, last year my Ex told DS2 he was taking him on holiday. I asked if he was taking DS1 and he said he couldn't afford it. I offered to pay and he said it was 'too late' to change the booking.

Truth was it was all bullshit, he was also taking his GF and her 3 kids, and he just didn't want DS1 to go Angry.

I'd like to think there is a special circle of hell reserved for feckless, selfish Exs like these....

beesimo · 21/05/2011 17:06

I would simply say to your X if our bairn is not good enough to go on holiday with your step kids then shes not good enough to mix with them and you can tell that pathetic apology of a woman your married to she needn't worry about my lass ever again because it will be a cold day in hell before she sets eyes on her again!

As for you you are a gutless worm since you've decided to put your steps ahead of your own blood for the sake of a quiet life with queen bitch you are offically surplus to our DDs requirements so fuck right off!

I would then say to the wifey 'I hope you have a long life and no luck at all'
that is Bs worse curse btw

Original poster
taylor74 · 21/05/2011 17:07

My DD is 7, we are going away this year to Weymouth as we've a caravan.
But maybe next year we will look into Disneyland Paris for her.
DH is looking online now at prices, bless him x

OP posts:
Sassybeast · 21/05/2011 17:07

Vile man and vile woman.

Your poor little girl - no wonder you are furious Angry

zukiecat · 21/05/2011 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
taylor74 · 21/05/2011 17:11

I can't stand his wife, well she did have an affair with my ex why we was still married but I've always done my best to be friendly for DD sakes. I have little to do with her and she was out shopping when I dropped DD off, bloody coward. Not that I would have started anything infront of DD

OP posts:
izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 21/05/2011 17:12

Your ex and his equally insensitive dw should, at the very least, have the decency to sit down with your dd while she's staying over with them and explain why she has been excluded from 'their' holiday.

Perhaps this could be for reasons of space (they'd love her to come but there are no spare beds this trip) or some other pathetic excuse that may go some way to sparing your dd's tender feelings, but at the very least your ex should be promising her a very special outing just with him to make up for her entirely natural disappointment.

If he won't man up although it's entirely too good for him KILL HIM and I'll come round with a spade when the deed is done.

Original poster
taylor74 · 21/05/2011 17:13

Zukiecat yes you are right if DD did go she would make it a misery for her.

OP posts:
moondog · 21/05/2011 17:14

Fucking hell.
Whjat hope is there for children when adults act in this way?

rookiemater · 21/05/2011 17:14

What a horrible thing to do. So nice that you and DH were prepared to pay for her and then for her to turn it down, that is disgraceful. But as above if she is like that then in the long run its better that DD doesn't go with them.

troisgarcons · 21/05/2011 17:15

Simple thing for your DD is a 'white lie' .... the tour operator is fully booked. That spares her feelings.

But you really need to have a serious talk with him about his parental responsibility not being limited to a night a week and it also sextends to your daughters emotional wellbeing.

Pictish · 21/05/2011 17:19

I have seldom heard of anything so mean and callous.

I cannot believe your ex is allowing this to happen. What a fucking gutless drip he is. Your daughter's feelings must be spared at all costs over this. She is old enough to be dreadfully hurt.

My blood is boiling just thinking about this.

chelstonmum · 21/05/2011 17:19

Oh the poor soul, thats horrible. Your Exh is a shit!

We took our DC's to euro disney at easter as the prices are much better than other school holidays. We got a deal that kids stay/play free and in the end it worked out £5 cheaper to stay than it would have been just buy park tickets. We did drive so that helped with the costs. Is Exh taking them to florida? If so im sure you could get a 3 or 4 day trip to paris for the childs price to florida. x

worraliberty · 21/05/2011 17:20

That really is nasty and callous OP. Your poor DD Sad

microserf · 21/05/2011 17:24

Feel sad for your little one. Your ex is a gutless idiot but his wife is being absolutely horrid over this.

she married him knowing he had a child. she needs to stop being a selfish cow and rethink her position. she has a new blended family which includes your dd, whether she wants to or not. if she has a heart (and the jury appears to be leaning towards "no" on this point), she should open it to your dd and embrace her as part of the family.

and for your dd - how miserable to know your dad would take his step kids to Disneyland, but that you are not wanted.... and you'll have to hear all about it when you go round to your dad's.

OP, my rant doesn't help you at all, but just to say your DH sounds lovely. i hope stepmum is on mumsnet and sees this - I don't think she'll much like what most people think about it.

beesimo · 21/05/2011 17:25

OP I don't think there is any point telling the bairn 'white lies' the fact is the new wife has got your man and dosen't have to pretend about your DD anymore I have no doubt she has no intention of having your little cuckoo in her nest.

If you turn the other cheek about this there will only be the next thing then the next thing on and on, stand up for your lass don't worry about 'starting anything in front of the Cs'. They have started it you need to finish it.