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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I could really kill my ex hubby right now

158 replies

taylor74 · 21/05/2011 16:49

Arghhhhhhh I'm so bloody mad right now. Every Saturday I drop my DD at her dads for the night. He's since remarried and got 2 step children. Anyway last week when I picked DD up she kept going on about Disneyland and the daddy was going and why couldn't she go. She got very upset thinking she had done something wrong. So I called him asking what was happening as DD was in tears. Apparently his step kids had said that they were all off to Disneyland without her. Anyway the ex said it was true but he could not afford for DD to go. So me and DH said well as she really wants to go we will pay for her to go. The ex agreed so I said work it out and we will give you a cheque on saturday. Anyway dropped her off today and asked him how much he wanted and he said we need to talk. Apparantly his wife doesn't want my DD coming with them and spoiling their "holiday" I'm just so angry. She had her heart set on it and no way can we afford to all go, it was a struggle to find DD money for the trip but we managed. What do I tell her now as he's to cowardly to say anything.

OP posts:
onadifferentplanettoday · 21/05/2011 17:25

My ex did a similar thing years ago after we split up constantly telling the ds' he would take them to Disney and then when holiday time came round cleared off to Corfu with his gf instead.
I searched online and found a really good deal off season to Paris and took the boys myself.The look on their faces when we walked through the gates is a very precious memory which I have and he hasn't. There are some really good deals to Disneyland Paris and if you go off season less queues so you get to go on everything.

maristella · 21/05/2011 17:27

that is so nasty :( Angry

i totally disagree with your point about the new wife troisgarcons
if she does not want to include his DD, then she should not have gotten involved with a father! he was a father before he was her partner.

maristella · 21/05/2011 17:29

DS' father made a point of emailing me holidays pics of him with his new children a while back. I sent a few of our own back Wink

Pictish · 21/05/2011 17:34

I disagree too Troisgarcons...there is no excuse for her selfish, cold, cruel behaviour....not ever.
The wife's kids are not the OPs ex's kids. So! He is to accomodate her children, but she does not have to extend that to his, huh? How utterly bang out of order!

She has snaffled him away from his marriage and now expects to have his child shoved out of the picture too.

If this were me, I would be seriously contemplating a smack in the mouth. I probably wouldn't....but God only knows I would want to!

Hell....even in my capacity as a reader, I want to belt her one...AND him!

ConfessionsOfaFlask · 21/05/2011 17:34

I have DD and am stepmum to 2 DSDs - I find this behaviour very upsetting. What a nasty cow she is.

I would never dare or even consider to take DD to Disney without her step-sisters sharing the moment. We've always booked tickets for everyone in the family when we go on a family holiday.

It's just a case of some people being downright selfish. A bit like my DSDs stepfather, who takes HIS son to a lovely holiday abroad and asks us to have the girls because he is a cheap bastard and so that they can have a trip with their new family Hmm . The poor girls were so upset and angry about it all.

There is no such thing as a new family, there is a blended family where all should feel equally important and loved.

I feel for your DD.

GandTiceandaslice · 21/05/2011 17:38

That's dreadful behaviour. What a vile women she must be.

rookiemater · 21/05/2011 17:48

I suppose the only thing you can get out of him is a promise not to talk about it in front of her and rub it in her face, although the SM sounds such a class A B that that is probably exactly what she will do.

WinterLover · 21/05/2011 17:49

Ive got a DSD(5) and a DC due Aug, and I cant believe she would do that! Anything that is 'family' planned is planned around when we have my DSD or when we could have DSD. Some events are just impossible to organise and have DSD there but we certainly dont brag to her that she's not able to come. That certainly wont change when DC arrives :(

I second what Pegs has said There is no such thing as a new family, there is a blended family where all should feel equally important and loved.

I must say, women who do that really get me wound up, but your ex is equally to blame, shes his DD he should put a fight up about her going too.

How old is your DD? is she able to let you know if she's treated 'differently' when shes there?

Jemma1111 · 21/05/2011 18:02

Taylor74

I feel for you as I know how it feels for your kids to be left out by their dad and his new wife.

My ex has never taken our kids on holiday since we split a few years ago, he has 2 more kids with his bitch of a wife and they too always come first.
I've tried begging him to include our kids more but nothing I do or say will change the way he acts.
He only sees them once a fortnight for a few hours, personally I'd tell him to fuck off and never bother again but my kids want to see him.

I absolutely hate it when 'men' like these are so spineless they can't stand up to the nasty, jealous new women who can't accept that if they take on a man they take on his kids too!.

As someone has said, I would let your ex tell your DD why she can't go with him. Why should he be let off the hook?

Also, I'm a great believer in karma and because of their cruel actions, believe me it will come looking for them!

jeckadeck · 21/05/2011 18:50

The wife sounds like an absolute cow. Words fail me that someone could be so spiteful and selfish to a child. If money were the object it would be one thing but if not then she sounds like a nasty piece of work. I think beesimo is right. If your ex lacks the cojones to stand up to his wife on this point then you should tell him he can't have it both ways. He can't on the one hand let her dictate that his child isn't good enough to come on holiday with the family and on the other hand expect to have her every week. That should focus the mind somewhat.

prettyfly1 · 21/05/2011 18:54

I am a mum to two and step to one and I think that is an awful thing to do as well - how horrid and I am so sorry to hear that.

To the poster who said she hoped the steps on here saw that and had a think - vv unfair comment - most of us have our moments of utter frustration but would never hurt our step kids that way.

prettyfly1 · 21/05/2011 18:55

oops - sorry poster my fault for not reading properly Blush you meant the step mum in question and you are absolutely right.

TheOriginalFAB · 21/05/2011 19:06

Your ex is a fucking dick. Angry.
What a bitch he has married Angry.
I would be tempted to tell your dd the truth in an age appropriate way though that is probably the wrong thing to do.

bubblecoral · 21/05/2011 19:23

That woman is an evil evil bitch. It doesn't sound like there is much you can do though, but I would be seriously concerned about sending your porr dd back to stay in her house.

I think you need to tell ex that if he wants to spend time with his dd, he needs to do it away from someone who has been shown to care so little for her feelings.

Just reading this has made me so angry! How dare this woman treat a child like this, especially a child who is her partners!

saffy85 · 21/05/2011 19:26

Heartless bastards, both of them. Angry Your poor little girl. Are you planning a holiday this year with her? Could you compromise and take her out to a theme park as a treat or somewhere else really special? I know it doesn't change the fact that her dad is a spineless cunt (don't get me started on the nasty bitch he's shacked up with) but maybe she would feel a teeny bit better?

I know how your DD feels. My dad used to leave me andmy sister out of all his "family" holidays and swear my half siblings to secrecy which wasn't fair on them and they often dropped my dad and stepmum in it. And incidently made me and my sister feel lousy.

saffy85 · 21/05/2011 19:31

And yes I think you should tell your DD why she can't go (a heavily edited version mind, focusing on why it's all her dad's fault and emphasising that she has done nothing to deserve this treatment).

Why should he get off the hook? If he's anything like my dad he'll only tell her that you as her mum wont allow it or something equally spineless, and as not only have you done nothing wrong here but you were willing to pay your DD's share that would be really unfair. God almighty, this has made me really mad Angry Might be the fact I feel like I'm dying of Braxton Hicks ofcourse but seriously some people don't deserve their children.

yoshiLunk · 21/05/2011 19:41

That is so sad for your DD, must be heartbreaking.

Another stepmum here btw, and we wouldn't dream of trying to slope off on a holiday without including all of the children, if anything I have stayed back with my two youngsters to allow DH to have a holiday with his older two because we couldn't all afford to go.

Just appalling that he has allowed this situation to come about, what was he thinking, taking his step children and excluding his own child? madness, and yes heartless.

Glad you are planning on doing something special for her, Smile

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange · 21/05/2011 19:47

Oh your poor dd. I can't believe he has done that and now aNts you to tell her Shock

what horrible woman his wife us, I bet she won't allow it the other way round!

bochead · 21/05/2011 19:49

When you take on a man with a child you take on the child basic decency demands that. If you are lucky a special relationship can form between step parent and child that can long outlast that with their biological parent. Approach it right and you get an extra peron to love and be loved by. I'm feeling the benefit of having a 21 year old charming stepson, despite my break up with his Dad years ago. My son benefits from a great relationship with his half bro too.

At the end of the day he left you for her, the new wife will probably find her own daughters in a similar position in 5 years time when a new flight of fancy catches his eye. What an insecure biatch!

In the meantime Cinderella got a happy ending - I'd send it along to be read as a bedtime story by Daddy! ; )

IdRatherBeInBed · 21/05/2011 19:52

thats nasty. :(

piginmuck · 21/05/2011 19:55

Maybe the father is not very hands-on and the stepmum is aware that all the childcare will fall to her. It isn't her child and maybe she feels that on her holiday she doesn't want the extra work.
(I am a step-mum btw and in our circumstances this wouldn't happen - dsd always gets the same as our children together wrt holidays - but it is just an idea)

lachlanbella · 21/05/2011 20:03

That is appalling. I say that as a stepmother who can't even imagine leaving my DSD out of a holiday like that. Truly disgusting. Your DH should be ashamed. Your poor wee daughter. Try to shield her from the hurt as much as you can. And tell your ex H that he is a disgrace as a father. His first loyalty is to his DD, not his cow of a wife. Agree that your DD should not go and would be questioning her staying with her father at all if that is how his wife feels about her. Sorry, that's made me really angry. Your DH does sound lovely. Sorry you're going through this.x

ScousyFogarty · 21/05/2011 20:05

stop well short of killing. its not very nice

Original poster
taylor74 · 21/05/2011 20:26

Bochead I'm glad my DD and my DH get on so well, he's adores her and vice versa. This a upset us both but as usual we will get through it.
She calls him pops. He loves her as his own just like my stepdad. He's the only dad I know my real dad is a waste of space not a man I want anything to do with. My choice as an adult.
Anyway me and DH have sat down looked at prices and we can afford Disney land Paris next year.

OP posts:
BelieveInPink · 21/05/2011 20:39

This actually hurts my heart. :(

Glad you can take her next year, I'm sure you'll give her the best time.