I could really kill my ex hubby right now

[taylor74]

Arghhhhhhh I'm so bloody mad right now. Every Saturday I drop my DD at her dads for the night. He's since remarried and got 2 step children. Anyway last week when I picked DD up she kept going on about Disneyland and the daddy was going and why couldn't she go. She got very upset thinking she had done something wrong. So I called him asking what was happening as DD was in tears. Apparently his step kids had said that they were all off to Disneyland without her. Anyway the ex said it was true but he could not afford for DD to go. So me and DH said well as she really wants to go we will pay for her to go. The ex agreed so I said work it out and we will give you a cheque on saturday. Anyway dropped her off today and asked him how much he wanted and he said we need to talk. Apparantly his wife doesn't want my DD coming with them and spoiling their "holiday" I'm just so angry. She had her heart set on it and no way can we afford to all go, it was a struggle to find DD money for the trip but we managed. What do I tell her now as he's to cowardly to say anything.

Clam you hit the nail on the head, I shouldn't really be surprised by his actions as this isn't the 1st time he's put them 1st over our DD.
If I could sever contact I would, but it's nor fair on DD. When she's older she will see her dad for what he is then she can make her own mind up.
DH as gone to pick her up now so I'll know if that snake as said anything

runaway . You are right - you really ARE a bitch. What the hell would that solve. The girl needs a relationship with her father - would good would it serve to call two other children nasty names. Honest to god hysteria isnt the word. The father made a dreadful call and behaved badly but OP is handling it well and will undoubtedly do a good job of reinforcing her childs confidence. Spewing adult and innappropriate vitriol at children will definitely not resolve the situation.

Runaway as much as I hate the man I would never bad mouth him to my DD. I would never badmouth those SC,they have done nothing wrong here and they get on well with DD and she enjoys her saturday visits. I know the SM is not keen on my DD as shes the link between me and my ex,and she hates it. As I have said to the SM many times that she did me a favour taking him and I hope she can cope with his wondering eye.

I think it's really unkind of your Ex-H.

FWIW my best friend has 2 DD's, her DH has a DD from a previous (very short) relationship (he didn't know she existed until CSA letter turned up!). His DD mum has remarried and has 2 more DD's. The girl calls both of them Dad.

She vists every holiday as lives too far away for weekly contact.

Every year when a holiday is booked they include his DD. Mostly its been 1-2 weeks in UK cottage somewhere near a beach. She goes on holiday abroad with her mum and SD and sisters every year as well. Last year friend and her DH went abroad and offered to take his DD but she couldn't go as she as went abroad with her mum etc and it crossed over. Friend and DH couldn't rearrange as he couldn't take his holiday another period.

This year friends DSD has said her mum etc isn't going abroad this year as no money and she would love to go with friend and her dad. Thing is friend also not going abroad due to money and no plans for UK trip for same reasons. Friend and her DH are feeling really guilty as they think they should take her abroad as she didn't get to go last year.

Lot's of pople think my friends DSD gets a great life with 2 holidays and 2 families providing gadgets etc but its really hard for her.

And for those saying OP' DD may be whingy and demanding at her dads my friends DD's are the same when my their dad spends time with his DD, and worse if my friend does.

I really don't understand how anyone can justify what OP's ex has done. This isn't even his own children (with DW) being put before his DD, it's her children.

Runawaywife, you are correct, you are a bitch. Lets hope you are never in similar situation eh?

Well DD is home, DH asked my ex if they had said anything to her about the trip he said no!!! They changed subject everytime it was mentioned. Anyway told DD we are taking her next year and daddy can't take her. She's fine about it and exciting especially now granddads coming too. Her words "this will be better mommy"

My friend mentioned above just rang and I read your OP to her. Her reply was 'so he's taking her kid and not his own, really?, how could anyone do this?'. She said they would never book a holiday even in the UK without including DSD, even if it turns out she can't come. She said they always book a 3 bed place so room for DSD if she comes and room each for her DD's if she doesn't.

Your DD is being very mature about this I have to say. Shame really that one day she'll realise what a knob her father is. . Sounds like you DH is lovely though so at least she has one decent father figure.

So your ex was going to leave it up to you to tell your DD she wasn't going away, he's even more of a lowlife than I originally thought.

Taylor, you mentioned earlier about the new wife not being keen on your DD because of the link she shares between yourself and your ex, I think as she is so jealous of her and you this is her nasty, vindictive and spiteful way of upsetting you both by saying no to the holiday. The evil bitch knows how heartbroken you must be to see your child upset and as IME 'stepmums' like her get a kick out of causing upset, especially to the child's mum.

I honestly can't believe how some people can sleep at night.

I'm glad your DD will be going away with the ones who care about her!

I was intrigued to see how your Ex would explain to his seven year old DD why she wasn't coming with them, it would seem he wimped out! (spineless?)
I'm really sad that she had to deal with this, it's not as if having your parents get divorced isn't hard enough already!
I sure that you will have a truly fab time when you go to disney and she'll have all this time to look forward to it.

My DD is a sweetheart and very sensible all I said was Daddy can't take you now but we will go instead. She did say why can't daddy take me all I said well you know what daddy is like sometimes and she said yeah mummy I know and I'm going with you now so it better. Bless her xxx

Indeed.

This thread has really got me 'there' ...know what I mean?

Actually I have a first husband and he would never behave that way to our children.
Although there were no affairs involved so there is no "bad mouthing " to be done. Also my new DP has no children and I have made it clear we will not be having any together.

The Ex and his new wife and her children are not nice people to be so mean to a 7 year old child is unforgivable. I am sure the OPs DD will work out what vile people they are for herself as she gets older

OP you and your DH have behaved so well in all of this, well done for presenting the facts in such a non provocative way. Your DD sounds lovely and very mature.

It may be worth having a word with your x-husband to tell him what you have done and at the very least no comparisons between Disneyland and Eurodisney should be made.

this was me 30 years ago.. My father would take my bio brother (3 years younger lived with him) and step sister (his wifes daugther whom like me didnt live with them) on Holiday. I was not allowed to come as I was to hard work for my step mother (i was between 8-10) they would go for 3 weeks and allow me to join for 1 week but that week we wouldnt do much as it was " much to complex with 3 kids)

one year they went to Rome (this was in the late 70's so imo it is equal to Disneyland now) my father step mother brother and step sister I didnt get to go on holiday that year.

My mother took me on holiday once for 2 days camping my brother came we went to Lego land (grew up in Denmark)

I am 41 I still have never been to Rome and I am not sure I can ever do so. to be cut out of such a holiday was so incrediblly difficult I was told I didnt matter to my father that i was not special enough. My relationship with my father more or less failed after this (this was also my mothers fault she did her best to ruin it) but this feeling that I wasnt as good as the other kids I was an adult before I managed to forgive him for it. It helped he said if he could go back he would do a lot of things differently. He told me a few months ago as we were having a text exchange as i was on the train to work that he loved me. as I said I am 41 that was the first time he told me.

it never leaves you and to those that tries to explain the step mothers comments away no there is no excuse. she wants a holiday without her step daughter she doesnt go on a once ina lifetime holiday for tht holiday. I can accept and tolerate the weeks they went away without me far better than I ever coul the 2 weeks in Rome without I got to do anything at all .. and the months after listening to how much fun they had and how much they wanted to go back. (and btw did the year after this time just with my brother)

OP I am pleased that you and dh can take her next year and what a completely wonderful stepfather to have she may not see it now but in time she will and sadly the only thing it will do is make her sad so I truly hope your xpartner realises what he is about to do to his dd and ensures he does somethign super extra special just for her.

You dd is so sweet bless her.

Btw I have mo doubt next year he step siblings will be very jealous as they will no doubt not be statisfied with the fact they have already been!

what an absolute bitch! and a spineless dick of a man. my exH has one JUST like that...

Coffee I know what you are saying but it is both of them - what is annoying me is the "oh she is a bitch" comments. They are both being awful and ITS HER DAD who has the full responsibility and is frankly a pussy.

OP well done - your dd sounds utterly lovely and I hope you have a brilliant time!!

Coffeedodger I certainly wouldn't paint all step moms as evil just this one.
My stepmom was lovely even though I've no contact with my dad I still see her as she's lovely. Why she took him back after affair after affair god only knows that's why I wont see him. Not a nice man only thinks of himself and not any of his kids. When I married my stepdad walked me down the aisle not my real dad. He was the one that gave the speech he's my "real" dad. My DD sees him as her grandad and my real dad who she's seen only twice as some man. He did this no one else and one day all these kids out their that have been treated like this will grow up and realise what selfish bastards their dad was.

My ex wife is defo a candidate for cruella de vil xx

Taylor74 I'd really like to know what it's like for your lovely DD when she stays with her dad. You say the other DCs get on with her, but also that they are the sort of children who rub her face in what they've got etc - could you clarify? Does she get left out a lot? I just can't see how she can be very well loved there if they even considered leaving her out of the holiday. Does she actually feel like part of their family do you think?

TBH, I couldn't care less how much the stepmother doesn't want to take the OP's DD on holiday with her own children. She had an affair with a married father & then went on to marry him, knowling full well that he had already had commitments & responsibilities - i.e. a little girl. If she didn't want to include his DD in her life then she had no business to marry the man in the first place.

From the day she married the little girl's father she became a part of her family, no matter what. It is absolutely inexcusable for her to leave the OP's DD out of a "once in a lifetime" holiday like this. It is irrelevant who saved up to pay for the trip - if a person marries someone with a child then they are knowingly taking on an extra family member & they have one more to save for before ANYONE gets to go. Oh, and the fact that the DD may not behave well for the poor stepmum & therefore somehow spoil her perfect holiday - diddums, make an effort for god's sake. She presumably would not leave one of her own DC's behind if been a bit difficult lately? Your partner's children are exactly the same thing.

Oh & the actual father himself? Well, don't even get me started on him - I had hoped to get to sleep at some point tonight.

I feel so so sorry for your little girl OP. I hope that your own holiday is amazing & your exH's is a complete unmitigated disaster .

Taylor, a few years ago I lived with a woman whom with the benefit of hindsight hated my daughter.

I'm ashamed to admit that for a long time I didn't see it. She was very good and often very subtle.

The key question is whether or not your ex in his heart loves his daughter and if when push comes to shove, he will put her first? In my case as soon as I realised then I dealt with it. Basically ex was firmly put in her place and it probably (amongst other things) cost me the relationship but now i'm so glad.

Looking back, my ex was very very jealous of the kids mum. I'm not 100% sure why. She just couldn't handle it. Sometimes it felt like she wanted me just to be a father to her own kids but given I was a single dad when she met me, it was something she should have thought of before. Perhaps she just didn't like the fact there was another girl in my life whom I loved more than her. Who knows....

Anyway, my advice to you is try to rise above it, don't criticise the stepmum so they close ranks. Just let him have the time & space and one day see if he wakes up like I did.

Wow Nice Guy!

Very honest post there.