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AIBU?

Best friend using same name for her daughter - five weeks apart.

302 replies

wellamI1981 · 18/05/2011 16:08

So...my bub is just over a month old. When she was born my best mate obviously text to say congratulations and mentioned that she and her husband had picked the same name (Charlotte) for their daughter - giving the impression that going ahead with it would now be a bit silly. I have now found out that far from abandoning the name they are going ahead with calling their baby the same name.

Now I totally realise no one owns a name - particularly one so, so popular. If it were simply a friend's baby (i.e. not my best friend who I see most days) I wouldn't be as concerned. But it's my best friend...

So...AIBU to be concerned/upset?

OP posts:

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supermarketworker · 18/05/2011 18:56

One of my closest friends called her dd the same as mine and there is 3 months between them - i couldnt give two hoots - its a lovely name and i know its the name of a special auntie of hers. Funnily enough we both went on to have sons 6 months apart as well - we coincidently unbeknown to each other had the same boys name lined up - we didnt go ahead callign our ds the same as that would have been a bit too weird .

scottishmummy · 18/05/2011 19:13

so shes good friend,supportive and yet youre irked about a name
grow up,be a mature bigger person,who can see a valued friend in front of you.and not get embroiled in well how very dare she...

what next will you throw a fit of they get same 1st shoes, same birthday cake. none of this detracts from your joy or her joy.unless you let it.and the harrumphy wee face about telling friends and family,that is petty.are you inciting people to take sides,have an opinion

motherhood (esp 1st baby) is a scary place,esp as you make the transition from single gal to 24/7 switched on all time mum. you need a good best pal.really you do

go buy a box of cakes, arrange to visit here and grow the fuck up...in no particular order but do grow the fuck up

JamieAgain · 18/05/2011 19:17

sm - to be fair, OP is not getting as hissy as you are implying ...

LDNmummy · 18/05/2011 19:22

I don't think it is a big deal as she is your friend and not related.

scottishmummy · 18/05/2011 19:23

this is wholly unnecessary gripe.time to let it gooooo
but harrumphy wee faces and itchy about it is def a princessy step too far.as is thinking now that a good friendship is affected,and others are apparently

id call that hissy, or maybe princessy

GoingLoopyLou · 18/05/2011 19:44

You may find when the time actually comes she chooses something different anyway so probably not worth stressing over yet, I'd feel the same though so don't blame you.

HipHopOpotomus · 18/05/2011 20:01

YABU - if it really bothered you, you could have changed your Childs name once you knew if their plans!

wellamI1981 · 18/05/2011 20:15

Scottishmummy - you are so right in that I've found being a first time mum literally the most scary thing that's ever happened in my entire life. In fact I've often thought I'm losing my sanity and she has been there's every step, so yes, she is very valued. I am a bit of a perfectionist though so perhaps this is why I'm getting myself in such a tizz? Point taken. Can I at least get people to agree it's not ideal?!

OP posts:

wellamI1981 · 18/05/2011 20:16

And thanks for sticking up for me Jamie :)

OP posts:

taylor74 · 18/05/2011 20:21

Jeez its only a name. I do think your being silly, at the end of the day isn't the fact that your daughter is healthy then having the same name as your friends baby.

PrincessScrumpy · 18/05/2011 20:28

I'm pg with twins - ID girls. Calling them the one at the top and the one at the bottom doesn't seem right so we've named them and they will be their names when they're born even if my bf was to use the name/s. One friend has called her dd one of the names we liked but it was early on so we've decided to make it a middle name but now the names are decided.

Sounds to me like your friend had chosen the name without knowing your choice, just because you give birth first doesn't mean you get to use it. I think in this circumstance it is completely understandable.

I would be a bit disappointed though - every mum wants their baby's names to be theirs.

taylor74 · 18/05/2011 20:39

Is it worth losing a friendship over??? Ask yourself that

CarefulWithThatAxeEugene · 18/05/2011 20:41

When my great grandma was born, they had chosen her middle name (after a relative who had died). But they hadn't yet got a first name for her.

It so happened that she was born on the first birthday of her mother's best friend's child. The friend said, "Why don't you call her after my little girl, then we shall both have an Alice. They will grow up together sharing a name and a birthday and hopefully be as good friends as we are."

And so they were. But that was in the 19thc.

janeybo · 18/05/2011 20:45

YABU. like you say no one owns a name.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

How would you feel if she'd had the baby first and picked the only name you liked and a name you were very attached to. Would you change from a name you'd your heart set on? Or if you had to would you not feel a bit miffed?

Get over it. It will be Charlotte x and charlotte x or the two charlottes etc. Or one will be Charlie and one lottie. No worries, move on.

sasza321 · 18/05/2011 20:47

YABU.

My best friend wanted to use the name I picked for a girl for her new puppy I went crazy all hormonal/emotional (I was still pregnant) and she did change it. Couple of months later I gave birth - to a boy

janeybo · 18/05/2011 21:07

Honestly, yes you are ok to be very slightly upset but only for a very short time and only cause your a new mum. Honestly it's really not such an important issue and if bf goes ahead (she may not) all will be ok ( and it will bother you much less ad time passes.

I once knew a mum years ago who's son had a very original name. Anyway when he was in his early teens he really hated it as lots of children made fun of him. Neither of my two have very original names (as I wanted to avoid this scenario) but they are both very original children.

wellamI1981 · 18/05/2011 21:13

Thanks Janeybo :)

OP posts:

2rebecca · 18/05/2011 21:20

If she's really your best friend I wouldn't have thought you'd care. I now live several hours away from my best friend and if we had been due to have babies at a similar time and had independantly chosen the same name it wouldn't matter at all.
Why should the person who has the baby first get the first choice of names?
If she is really your best friend I'm surprised you care and are upset by this. Chances are your daughters will end up living miles apart anyway, and if they meet won't it be nice for the same name thing to be a link between them reminding them of what great friends their mothers were/ are.

clementinebelle · 18/05/2011 21:22

YANBU to be upset, of course you're irked, you're only human!

Ignore the horrors on here such as scottishmummy with their lovely advice to grow the fuck up....some posters on here are unable to express that they disagree with you without resorting to abuse and insults.Think they don't get out enough!

It IS a shame what's happened. If you'd posted saying that you'd stamped your foot at your friend and told her she couldn't use the name then yes, a bit U. But of course you're not being unreasonable to feel a bit upset - I would be too - most people would be!FWIW if my BF had a baby five weeks before me and used my name, however much I love it, I'd choose another one.

You will get used to it in time. Don't let it spoil your lovely time enjoying your new baby.x

SeymoreButts · 18/05/2011 21:54

YABU. This happened to me with DD, only a few months between them rather than weeks. I took it as confirmation of my excellent choice of name!

GotArt · 18/05/2011 22:00

I had the same thing happen; we had shortlisted three girls names and when my mum's group and I were talking about it, the one mom who was due a month earlier and didn't have any girl names picked, liked the name very much. She named her DD that name. Needless to say, I won't be naming NB that if its a girl. It kinda of pissed me off, but I'm over it.

ButterflySally · 18/05/2011 22:03

YABU. My baby isn't born yet but as far as I am concerned, we have named him. It's a family name on both sides of mine and DP's family and one we both like and agree on. We talk to my bump using his name and we use his name when talking about him. If I found out someone else had named their child the same name before mine was born, I'm afraid I have to say I would stick with the name regardless. Perhaps your friend was the same?

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JemimaMop · 18/05/2011 22:04

I think you are being a little bit U.

My DD is called Carys. My (very good - she is my DD's godmother) friend's DD is 9 weeks younger and called Cerys. Cerys and Carys are now 5 and in the same class at school and love the fact that they have almost the same name.

It may seem a bit odd now but you'll get used to it.

honeylamb · 18/05/2011 22:08

I would be miffed too, though I have 3 close friends who we all met since having kids and they all have a daughter called Grace! Such is life!

2rebecca · 18/05/2011 23:33

I don't understand not giving your child your chosen name just because someone in the same antenatal group chose that name. maybe it's because I've moved alot in my life, but I'd never change my mind on something like this because of something fairly temporary like what someone I was friends with or aquaintances with called their child. Your children may end up at different schools, and will almost certainly go to different universities and end up living in different towns eventually.
Some people call their child after a parent, and to me that is a bit mental as the family has years of wondering which "John" is required on the phone, or opening each others mail or the GP having the wrong set of notes.

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