Best friend using same name for her daughter - five weeks apart.

[wellamI1981]

So...my bub is just over a month old. When she was born my best mate obviously text to say congratulations and mentioned that she and her husband had picked the same name (Charlotte) for their daughter - giving the impression that going ahead with it would now be a bit silly. I have now found out that far from abandoning the name they are going ahead with calling their baby the same name.

Now I totally realise no one owns a name - particularly one so, so popular. If it were simply a friend's baby (i.e. not my best friend who I see most days) I wouldn't be as concerned. But it's my best friend...

So...AIBU to be concerned/upset?

[scottishmummy]

of 280+posts im one of many

[Deflatedballoonbelly]

scottish mummy, stop scolding!

[scottishmummy]

here the deal,i post when,where -i likey

[bubblecoral]

Does it matter? This is the internet, and more to the point, it's MN AIBU. It's sole purpose is to either ask if YABU or tell people if they ABU. So if scottishmummy wants to do that, however many times she wants, surely she can?

I don't get it.

[scottishmummy]

dont traipse bibble babble across aibu if you dont want strangers to opine dont drag your detritus around mn

[HeadfirstForHalos]

Okay, fair enough to mention it if she asked. Maybe she will change her mind, but if she doesn't it will be because she loves the name just as much as you, and can't see her dd with any other name, again the same as you.

You both have good taste, it's not a bad thing :)

[HeadfirstForHalos]

I also think it's easier to be rational about something when you haven't got a 5 week old baby. I've never been rational with a newborn, and I've had 4!

Just don't let it spoil an otherwise good friendship, it's lovely you both have newborns together.

[ChippingIn]

Lockets - if you were talking about my post you have taken it and twisted it out of context. People were saying that maybe she always wanted to call her daughter Charlotte - I said I doubted it as this was her second daughter and if she had always wanted to call her daughter that, surely she would have called her first daughter that. Nothing to do with subsequent children or their names being any less special

[spidookly]

yanbu

It is weird of her to have done this, and it shows a lack of concern for your feelings and those of your daughter.

There us a weird mn psychosis about people not "owning" names, but given the purpose of names it is very odd to give two children who are likely to grow up together the same name.

If it really mattered so little, why don't people just use the same name for all their children?

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

Likely to grow up together be buggered. If you were talking about two cousins having the name then you might have a point but there have been plenty of posts on here where the same has happened and the friends have moved 300 miles away. It's not a weird MN psychosis at all. Anyone can call their child anything they like. That's a fact.

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

And as I've said above, if the name in question was Hepzibah then you might wonder. But Charlotte fgs. You're in for a huge disappointment if you expect your child won't ever encounter another Charlotte.

[spidookly]

Of course it is a fact that people can do shitty and inconsiderate things if they want.

My best friends' children are like cousins to mine. We live miles away from one another and still our kids are close. None of us would use the name of another's child. Because it would be weird.

There are millions of names. A good friend would have picked something else.

And yes, the "nobody owns a name" brigade led by scottishmummy's neverending shrieking on the subject is an MN group psychosis. This isn't about legalities, it's about (very predictable) hurt feelings and awkwardness.

[bubblecoral]

People keep their names for their entire lives, these two girls may find much stronger friendships than they have with eachother with other people as soon as they get to school at 4!

I don't think either Mum in this story has done anything at all wierd by choosing the same name as eachother. The Mums in this story both wanted to use the name Charlotte, it's that simple. One does not have dibs on it because her baby arrived first.

When I had ds2, there was only one name I wanted for him. I hadn't been wanting to use it for years, but that doesn't mean that I didn't want it very very much. It happened to be the name one of my friends from my first ante natal class used for her ds1, and we spent a lot of time together. I did ask my friend if she minded, but I don't know what I would have done if she had said she did mind. There just wasn't another name that we both liked and felt was right for our ds. Another friend from the same antenatal classes called her ds2 the same name as my ds1, again she asked if I minded but it honestly didn't have a problem with it at all. It would have felt very mean for me to say that I didn't want her to use it, it's only a name and it's not that unusual.

[bubblecoral]

A good friend would have picked something else

A good friend wouldn't mind sharing and would not try to deny a friend from using the name she wants for her own baby!

Which one do you think should have picked something else? It was clear that both wanted the name when the first Charlotte was born. Why should one have more right than the other to a name they equally love because one was born 5 weeks earlier?

[Converse]

Spidoodly's terms "shrieking" and "brigade" are very Daily Mail, usually as a put-down towards someone who has the audacity to disagree with them.

[ZZZenAgain]

you alright wellam?

Hold on tight to the concept that someone else having the same name in no way diminishes your dd. She is still every bit as much of a special little individual. It's true what lots of people have said, charlotte is a very common name - I personally know 10 little Charlottes.

[heliumballoons]

jamieagin Is Jamie your RL name? (don't answer if you don't want to)

OP I can see why your worried but it's probably because everything seems like a big deal when you have a newborn.

I love Charlotte btw - if I ever have another and its a girl it will be one of names I'd like. (would obv have to consider a p opinion!)

I always had a list of boys names - usual but not the most common usual ones iyswim. DS father is 1/2 spanish. (well he's not his SD is and he raised him from a yr old in Spain), so DS ended up with his great step GD name which is Spanish/English - pretty common English name. Its wierd as I loved it from the start (DS was 20wks gestatation when named as I nearly lost him).

My point is that you can have names you love from secondary school onwards but I think you love your child and give them a name not lovea name that labels your child iyswim.

They will just be the 2 Charlottes - people will define tm for who they are, what they do and their personalities.

Congratulations BTW

[spidookly]

Pmsl :o

but invoking the hated Daily Mail to discredit me is entirely different I'm sure

Just because the Daily Mail uses the word "shrieking" doesn't mean it is not the right word to use to describe scottishmummy's input on any thread about this subject.

If I were in the mood for a bit of shrieking I'd post a thread about this subject and count to ten. It's as reliable as the sun rising.

[spidookly]

It is not these women that will be sharing a name, it is these girls.

Many people dislike sharing their names. Deliberately inflicting that on a little girl is mean. The OP didn't do that. Het friend is choosing it for both children.

Which is why she should pick something else.

Or reuse her first DD's name if she doesn't think having the same name as someone else you see regularly is potentially confusing.

[wellamI1981]

Hi all. Thanks for your posts. A good night's sleep (well four consecutive hours) has made me feel a lot better. Spidookly - you have hit the nail on the head as to how I'm feeling - not devastated, not angry, just plain awkward. We haven't even taken our new baby cards down yet and I'll be writing one out to best mate for Charlotte.

I was trying to level again with husband and he gave me the scenario of us doing it to his best mate. I'll call his best mate's son Jack. Lovely name but it's just off limits to us. And four weeks apart?! No way. That is because it would have upset them but also because our new arrival would have been 'another Jack'.

So...there's my thoughts. Like them or not, that's how I feel even though I've really (really) tried to feel differently. BUT, like others have posted, I don't have to act on the feelings - I can be gracious.

[CalamityKate]

If you'd met and become good friends AFTER you'd both given birth - "No, really? What a coincidence - my daughter's called Charlotte too!" - would it have made the slightest difference?

"Oh, what a shame we can't be friends - yes I know we get on really well and enjoy each others' company, but our daughters have the same name and it will all just be far too confusing. Unless you'd consider changing names....?"