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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Best friend using same name for her daughter - five weeks apart.

302 replies

wellamI1981 · 18/05/2011 16:08

So...my bub is just over a month old. When she was born my best mate obviously text to say congratulations and mentioned that she and her husband had picked the same name (Charlotte) for their daughter - giving the impression that going ahead with it would now be a bit silly. I have now found out that far from abandoning the name they are going ahead with calling their baby the same name.

Now I totally realise no one owns a name - particularly one so, so popular. If it were simply a friend's baby (i.e. not my best friend who I see most days) I wouldn't be as concerned. But it's my best friend...

So...AIBU to be concerned/upset?

OP posts:
daimbardiva · 18/05/2011 16:27

Well, I would be peeved too, but she must have been gutted when you got in there first!!! So just right it off one as one of things I reckon.

FWIW my best friend and I have the same name. It has not affected us adversely in the slightest!

Pinkjenny · 18/05/2011 16:28

It would hack me off royally, but the girls will LOVE it. Did you not discuss it whilst you were both pg?

muminthemiddle · 18/05/2011 16:28

I can understand you are annoyed and tbh don't think I would have still used the name. Infact I chose not to use a name for that very same reason even though it was me who first said I like the name!

In time it won't seem so important and your dds will probably like sharing a name.

Original poster
wellamI1981 · 18/05/2011 16:29

sims2fan - never thought of that! It was one of those texts though when you say 'baby Charlotte was born weighing blah blah' so it was already a done deal.

OP posts:
mamma2boyz · 18/05/2011 16:31

I would be a bit cross and then get over it...think it is a bit weird she would go ahead with the name though. However that said we are using the same name as a friends recent baby as I have planned to use it for years and cannot bear to change. We only see each other 3 times a year so it is not an issue, a best friend I probably wouldnt though if I am honest

Doodlez · 18/05/2011 16:31

I'd feel a bit pleased to be honest! I think it's lovely you both went for the same name without realising and does suggest you've got the same tastes and probably why she's your bezzie mate.

As someone said further down, the two Charlottes will probably love it too if they become firm friends!

Congratulations on your Charlotte by the way. Only 4 weeks old so still got that gorgeous new baby look!

minipie · 18/05/2011 16:32

OP, put yourself in her shoes for a moment.

She's due to give birth in 5 weeks. She and her DH have probably spent ages mulling over baby names. They've finally found one they are both totally happy with.

Then they find out her best friend has used that name.

What are they supposed to do? Give their DD a name they don't like as much instead?

What would you have done if the situations were reversed? Would you have gone for your second-best name? Really?

Original poster
wellamI1981 · 18/05/2011 16:32

Hi Jemma1111 - stupidly I was doing the whole 'it's a surprise thing' and didn't tell our parents. She did tell me a few of the names she was thinking of though and I can remember being very relieved as none of them were Charlotte. This was quite late on too - so they've not had their hearts set on it from the very beginning.

OP posts:
chocolatchaud · 18/05/2011 16:32

It really wouldn't bother me - if I had chosen a name I loved, I would be gutted to have to change it at the last minute. That's why you are best friends - you have the same great taste!

KatieWatie · 18/05/2011 16:32

YAB a bit U, it's a bit of a minefield this name thing isn't it.

I haven't announced any intention towards names which can be as bad as telling people, because if other pregnant people mention a name that I've got in my head I feel I can't use it because they'll think I 'stole' it. This has happened with my niece who has chosen a boy's name I love so I hope her scan reveals a girl!

If it was the other way round and she 'stole' my name, I'd be really flattered to be honest. For your Charlottes I think it'll be a nice bond for them to grow up with the same name.

madamelapointe · 18/05/2011 16:33

It is quite a popular name, possible they've liked it for a while. Yabu.

But take comfort, as you used it first, people will think she was inspired by your name choice. Wink

chocolatchaud · 18/05/2011 16:34

Sorry doodlez - hadn't read your post, and wasn't copying the 'great taste' bit!

Doodlez · 18/05/2011 16:36

chocolat - we obviously have similar opinions. Wanna be me bezzie mate?! Grin

jeckadeck · 18/05/2011 16:36

YABU. Why does it matter? its like this idea that one should be upset if someone 's wearing the same dress as you to a party. To me that's a compliment and I just don't understand why people get upset. As you yourself say, no-one has copyrighted the name Charlotte. You'll get used to it after a while and its certainly not worth losing a friend over. Deal with it.

getabloodygrip · 18/05/2011 16:37

YAB SOOOOOOOO U.

My best friend called her daughter the same name and spelling as my DD (who was born first). She had her reasons to choose the name, as did I. She did "ask"/mention it to me ahead of time. I could not have cared less.

What if hers had been premature by a few weeks and yours had been a couple of weeks late, and she chose it first, or born on the same day, and you had independently chosen the same name?!?!?

FFS!

If that is all you can worry about, sorry, but get real!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 18/05/2011 16:37

Do you discuss names with your friends when you're pregnant? I think it's a risk... if you pick a name that you love, your friends start thinking of it too and start liking it and then before you know it, multiple children with the same name.

I always liked the name Vivienne.... I'm going to call my next daughter that. Grin

chocolatchaud · 18/05/2011 16:38

doodlez as long as you have great taste and have children with the same names as mine!

Grabaspoon · 18/05/2011 16:40

Would be no issues especially if you choose diff nicknames as you probably won't call her Charlotte very often.

Pictish · 18/05/2011 16:41

This would undoubtedly piss right on my chips....but I would also be aware that there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.

They'll just have to be 'the two Charlottes' and pissed off or not, that's kinda cute.

Pictish · 18/05/2011 16:42

Charlie and Lottie?
(I'd bag Lottie straight off Wink)

Original poster
wellamI1981 · 18/05/2011 16:42

We are going to be known as the Charlotte Women aren't we?

OP posts:
HeadfirstForHalos · 18/05/2011 16:46

If you're that bothered you could change your dds name now as she's only a month old? If your not keen on that idea just try and think that from their pov they feel the same :)

People won't think you're odd having dds with the same name at playgroup etc, it's not like you're sisters.

ViolaTricolor · 18/05/2011 16:46

One year 4 out of my 40 students were called Charlotte (much older than your DD, but guess my point is that its popularity is perennial), and none of them used a nickname. I would still use it, in the expectation that there will always be other Charlottes around. It's popular because it's lovely.

HeadfirstForHalos · 18/05/2011 16:49

My dd is almost 9, she has always insisted on Charlotte, but has recently started using Charley. A neighbours dd calls her Char (Shar) which pees me off no end!

restingkitty · 18/05/2011 16:59

YABU. Think how she feels about it. One of my closest friends has just had a daughter and named her the same name as our impending arrival (due in 2 weeks). The name is much less common than Charlotte too....

It annoys me, but what am I going to do? I think it's much more strange to change the name we've been calling her since the 20 week scan just because one of our friends has chosen the same name (and happened to get there first)!

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