Best friend using same name for her daughter - five weeks apart.

[wellamI1981]

So...my bub is just over a month old. When she was born my best mate obviously text to say congratulations and mentioned that she and her husband had picked the same name (Charlotte) for their daughter - giving the impression that going ahead with it would now be a bit silly. I have now found out that far from abandoning the name they are going ahead with calling their baby the same name.

Now I totally realise no one owns a name - particularly one so, so popular. If it were simply a friend's baby (i.e. not my best friend who I see most days) I wouldn't be as concerned. But it's my best friend...

So...AIBU to be concerned/upset?

[JamieAgain]

minipie - yes, I would have chosen a different name!

(I've got the same name as my mum BTW, so maybe that has a bearing on why I think it's nice for children to have their "own" name)

[minipie]

JamieAgain - are you the OP ?

I guess it depends on whether there is another name that you like. What if that was the only name you and DH could agree on? What if it was a special name to you for some reason... etc.

Re having your "own" name - I can understand not wanting to have the same name as your mum. But it's not really realistic to think you can have a unique name - there is always going to be someone out there with the same name, especially if it's a common name like Charlotte. Even if the best friend chose a different name, you might then find there are 5 Charlottes in her nursery group...

[minipie]

(sorry, just seen you're not the OP, wasn't trying to be sarcastic, was genuinely confused.)

[greenlime]

I wouldn't care.

When DS was 5 days old, a friend had a baby and used the same name and middle name. Don't give it another thought, particularly as it's done now. Compare your feelings now to the feelings that she had when she realised that you had used "her" baby name. Same thing...so just think of it as funny.

[JamieAgain]

's'all right minipie - I was butting in.

Actually there is no-one else with my name , but that's by the by. I take the point about a special name, but I still think I wouldn't do it.

I agree the OP will have to learn not to care. It is a nice name

(BTW, no idea it was popular ATM, things have moved on since I had my DCs)

[loiner45]

I have the same name (unusual) as my my mother's BF's daughter - we never thought it was a problem, we got referred to as "B's X or D's X" by the adults around us - my family tended to abbreviate mine as well, and theirs didn't, but no issues:-)

[ClipArt]

YABU. She's quite entitled to use the same name if it's her favourite, and she even let you know straight away that it was their choice too.

[foreverondiet]

Sorry YABU. She'd already picked the name and you don't own it. She might not be your BF forever they might not go to same school.

DS1 had another child in his class with same name, and when DD was at nursery 2 other girls with same name.

If her baby had been born first would you have abandoned the name?

[scottishmummy]

yabu and possessive over a name.you dont have dibs on a name
bemused that best pals didnt discuss names esp when pg together.and tbh charlotte is popular so you'll met few at school anyway
have no idea where this notion of dibs on a name comes from,quite frankly it is daft

[wellamI1981]

I don't think I have dibs! Just upset I suppose. I also think the fact we're best friends makes it a bit odd.

Re. not discussing names whilst pg - I have already said we'd not even told our parents. Daft in hindsight but there you go...

'Spose Im just going to have to suck it up but I'm still a bit gutted.

[starkadder]

Take it as a compliment and be pleased. It's not exactly an unusual name. The girls will probably love it - unless you give your DD the impression that she ought to be pissed off about it.

[scottishmummy]

well lets face it you'll meet lots more charlotte at school/nursery
congratulations and enjoy your baby.dont give trivia like names any head space. you'll soon have significant things to worry about,and that wont be names

[Blu]

I think you should laugh about it and compliment her on her brilliant taste in names.
It will be fine.
She is your best friend, she obviously hasn't done it to upset you, so don't lose a best friend over it.
Loads of people in my school had best friends with the same name - but then we had 4 Susans and 3 janes in our class, and at least 2 Cla(i)res.
She has probably been calling her unborn baby 'Charlotte' for months and months - she feels about the name like you do - it would be a HUGE thing to expect her to discard it.
Be generous, good humoured and don't take offence where none is meant. She has done you no harm.

[cory]

supposing her baby had been born slightly early and yours slightly late- would you have give up on Charlotte?

[bubblecoral]

YABU, and I don't understand why you are upset. It's not like it's an unusual name.

You don't have any more right to choose the name than your friend does just because you had your baby first.

Why is it odd that she is choosing to stick with the name she and her dh like best but it's not odd for you to keep the name when you know your closest friend's baby will be given the same name in a few weeks time?

She is no more odd than you are.

But I don't think either of you are odd, you are just two people giving your dd's a name you like.

[ChippingIn]

YANBU - even if it was a name I'd always wanted and/or a family name, I just wouldn't call one of my children the same name as my bf's children - same as I wouldn't with close family. There's just NO need. Why not allow the girls to have their own identity within your small close network? Yes there will be other Charlottes at school etc & that's fine - but your Mums bestfriend - too close, too daft - it's like the Mums aren't able to think for themselves but chose the same name to be the same! .

[tiredgranny]

when my son started playgroup all of the 7 girls were called laura lol get over it

[Bucharest]

My best friend from school's daughter has the same name as mine.
It's no biggie. It's further proof if any were needed what a lot we have in common.

[domesticslattern]

If you let this ruin a friendship then I think that's a bit shallow frankly. There have been much much worse examples on MN- thinks of the thread where a MNetter's SIL named her child near identical and quite unusual first and second name. So there will be two cousins attending the same school with virtually the same name, middle name and surname.

As Blu says, just laugh and get on with it. Charlotte is a nice name, there are a few of them in my local area.

[needanewname]

ooh I remember that domestic - wonder how thats going.

OP, I'm afriad its one of those things, yanbu to be a bit peeved but thats all I'm afraid. Just agree that you both have good taste!

[JamieAgain]

tiredgranny - Nooooo !!?

[MrsDaffodill]

This would have driven me INSANE.

But, do you know what, as it turned out I made a new very, very close friend very soon after having DS1. And her son is only one month younger. And he has the same name and nickname. They love it, and I have never been bothered by it.

They each call the other one "the other Freddie".

The only thing we do is that at tennis my son has agreed to be called Frederick so that it is easier for the teacher.

I guess it is slightly different as neither of us had the opportunity to change the name as we met when they were slightly older. But it really makes no difference to day-to-day life.

[wellamI1981]

She has been such a great friend throughout my pregnancy (she'd done it all before and I hadn't) so I need to try and get over it. Also she's had a really, really shit year. To be honest though I think it will affect our relationship a bit - friends and family know about it and they're all very . So trivial yet it's really irking me...

[JamieAgain]

Well - I think if you can get over it then they'll take their cue from you. Maybe.