Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DNephew on Wedding Photos? Or am I being a bridezilla?!

268 replies

Bridezilla2011 · 14/05/2011 10:42

Firstly, I've namechanged as don't want to out myself incase any of the people involved are reading Wink

DP and I are getting married on Friday. DNephew (9) is page boy.

SIL rang this morning and left a voicemail on DP's phone to say that she thought she better warn us that today they are dying DNephew's hair bright green, as that is what he wants. She laughed at the end of the message saying 'sorry in advance about the wedding photos'.

I know she isn't joking. His hair has previously been all manner of colours - purple, pink, red etc.

So AIBU to ask DP to tell his sister that if his hair is bright green, I dont want him on my professional wedding photos? Or am I being a bridezilla?

If IABU, then please be gentle, I'm stressed enough already Grin

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 14/05/2011 10:44

I think you might get a split opinion on this one, but IMO YANBU. He's nine, and that is plenty old enough to understand why he has to wait a week. I'm not necessarily saying that she needs to ask for your permission, but it shouldn't be a given that you are to just accept this.

strandedbear · 14/05/2011 10:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Georgimama · 14/05/2011 10:46

I was all ready to give you hell when I saw the title, but no you are not being unreasonable. And what kind of cretin dyes a 9 year old's hair any colour, let alone green? I hope the school excludes him.

AmIAPayne · 14/05/2011 10:48

Nine years old and dying his hair bright green! Seriously? What will he be doing at 14/15Confused

YANBU, he could have waited, he made his choices, and so can you, these pictures will be with you a lifetime and if every time you look at them you are irritated then he should not be in them.

Or photoshop his hair back to it's original colourWink

kerstina · 14/05/2011 10:49

I think its your sil who is being unreasonable she could have put her foot down and told him to wait until after the wedding. Am surprised he gets away with that at school ?

darleneoconnor · 14/05/2011 10:49

yanbu

you dont want to be looking at that for 40 years!

what colour is his hair now?

slavewife · 14/05/2011 10:50

No, I dont think YABU, however I do think the mother is, who on earth dyes a childs hair green, just because "he wants too", its absurd!.

I wouldn't want to green "boy" on my photos either, bridezilla or not!.

forwantofabetter1 · 14/05/2011 10:50

Hmmm
Firstly I think they are BU to dye a nine year olds hair green, what do the school make to his made hair donts? In my experience of working in a school mad haircuts/colours etc often lead to behaviours/attention that a class teacher could well do without!
However I digress and that is off the point and not under your control!

I think I would gently ask if they could not just hold off for one week till after the wedding, after all you should be the centre of attention on that day NOT the green haired pageboy! If they go ahead I would explain on to SIL that though you love your DN you are paying a lot of money for photos and that though you dont mind having a few with him on (as a reminder for later years of what a ridiculous thing it was to do to a 9 yr old) he will not feature in most pics!

WomanwiththeYellowHat · 14/05/2011 10:51

Definitely not unreasonable- what ridiculous parents not to make him wait a week (well, to let him do it at all , butu suspect that is another thread). I would let them know ASAP so that if they decide to see sensse, there is still time before they actually do the deed and give him green hair?

sausagesandmarmelade · 14/05/2011 10:51

I don't think you can exclude him from the photo's...

Don't quite understand why your SIL laughed about it...am wondering if it's a deliberate ploy to cause you embarrassment or whatever. Probably best that you don't react....

I don't see why children have to have everything that they want anyway....and what is his school going to say?! Bit strange...

BUT don't let it ruin your big day....have a FABULOUS time..enjoy every moment because it goes really quickly and I don't imagine that your nephew to be's hair colouring will matter one bit to you on the day!
All the best!

psiloveyou · 14/05/2011 10:51

I opened this ready to give you a right pasting because I thought you were going to say he was ugly or something Grin.

YANBU why can't your sil wait until after the wedding it's only a few days. I think she is being very selfish.

PotteringAlong · 14/05/2011 10:52

I opened this prepRing to say YABU but, do you know, you're not at all! Bright green?! WhAT is she thinking?! What will his school say?! The mind boggles... Have a lovely day though :)

LDNmummy · 14/05/2011 10:52

Well I don't think it is good to be dying a 9 year old kids hair any colour for the chemicals alone. Plus, they could have waited a week couldn't they? Confused

It would be cute in the photo's but would detract from your special day IMO. I think you should call them ASAP and just ask that they hold off till after the wedding to dye his hair.

PotteringAlong · 14/05/2011 10:52

Ooh, cross post!

upahill · 14/05/2011 10:54

Is it a jpke from your SIL? I mean won't the lad be excluded from school if they do this. School round my way exclude kids if their hair is too short, too long, the wrong style, the wrong colour etc.

TrillianAstra · 14/05/2011 10:56

When taking group pics, take lots of combinations of people. Some with him and some without.

Don't his school have rules about hair dye?

Original poster
Bridezilla2011 · 14/05/2011 10:56

Yes I too am now wondering if it's a deliberate ploy to 'spoil' our day!

As soon as DP played me the message I immediately said, why cant they just wait until next weekend?

We have saved up for months to pay for this ourselves, and no, I don't want to look at photos that will irritate me for years Sad

His natural hair colour is very light blonde. Hence it's easy to dye I suppose.

School must be ok with it because it has been every colour under the sun!

So, what do I say to her? Or should I just ignore but tell the photographer to be erm, selective, with his shots?!

OP posts:
bigTillyMint · 14/05/2011 10:56

He's 9 and she dyes his hair? Green?Shock
I presume he is Home Educated?

Surely she could wait until after your wedding - it's not urgent, surely?

Vallhala · 14/05/2011 10:57

YANBU.

Is SIL getting some sort of spiteful pleasure out of telling you this?

As has been said, what sort of cretin dyes their 9yo's hair any colour, let alone green, anyway? Apart from the sort who panders to her child's every whim despite all other considerations?

I must say that I'd love to see SILs face when you respond that this is fine, but you do hope she'll understand that you can't possibly have him appearing in the wedding photos...

manticlimactic · 14/05/2011 10:58

Get the photos in black and white Grin

But if I were you I would be fuuuming! Surely they can wait a week.

Morloth · 14/05/2011 11:00

Do you need a page boy? This is such a deliberate stir I would say: 'If his hair is green he can't be pageboy'.

Problem solved either way.

Collaborate · 14/05/2011 11:00

YANBU. You'll doubtless offend someone though. Ignore them and enjoy your day.

sausagesandmarmelade · 14/05/2011 11:00

I would not react to her....because maybe this is what she is wanting. That laugh at the end of the message makes me think she was being deliberately mean...
Don't give her the reaction she wants.

I think you could ask the photographer to be selective...but the boy is going to have to appear in some shots isn't he...ie the one with you both together and the bridesmaids and pages? When all's said and done you can chuck any photo's that you don't like.

You have enough on your plate at the mo with the wedding around the corner...you don't want to enter into an argument with the boys mother as it will cause you further stress...so I would leave it.

Collaborate · 14/05/2011 11:01

Missed the pageboy stuff. IMO you'd be justified in finding a replacement. I mean.... lordy!

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 14/05/2011 11:01

What you say is "I don't care at all. He can certainly have his hair green if he wants, it won't bother me one bit."

That way, if she's doing it to be a bitch, she probably won't bother.

and if she does, as has already been said, you photoshop the hair, or have the photos in black and white.