To not want DNephew on Wedding Photos? Or am I being a bridezilla?!

[Bridezilla2011]

Firstly, I've namechanged as don't want to out myself incase any of the people involved are reading

DP and I are getting married on Friday. DNephew (9) is page boy.

SIL rang this morning and left a voicemail on DP's phone to say that she thought she better warn us that today they are dying DNephew's hair bright green, as that is what he wants. She laughed at the end of the message saying 'sorry in advance about the wedding photos'.

I know she isn't joking. His hair has previously been all manner of colours - purple, pink, red etc.

So AIBU to ask DP to tell his sister that if his hair is bright green, I dont want him on my professional wedding photos? Or am I being a bridezilla?

If IABU, then please be gentle, I'm stressed enough already

[coccyx]

I was going to say YABU until i saw he was 9, not 19!!
Think they could easily say no until after the wedding, is SIL being mischievious??
Tell her that if said childs hair is green then you don't want him as pageboy

[Cymar]

Bugger, meant to say YANBU and your SIL is being inconsiderate. The B&W photos are a good idea. Sorry OP, my brain hasn't woke up yet

[ShoutyHamster]

You know, green hair - meh - stupid, but their child, their decision etc.

But what would REALLY REALLY REALLY get me is the laugh and the 'sorry about your wedding photos'... like it's in THEIR hands how your wedding photos are going to proceed - oh no, I don't think so!

Agree with the above that it's a bit deliberate, even a bit of a muscle flexing on SIL's part - she a bit jealous about the wedding/you joining the family in any way? The conversation as it should have happened: 'You want your hair green? Well, you're going to have to wait until after Uncle and Aunty Bridezilla's wedding, you know. It's their big day and it's not fair on them.'

Their child - their decision
Your wedding photos - your decision :)

So YES stick to your guns. With a laugh. 'Oh, green hair - that's crazy (laugh). Sorry he won't get to be in the main photos, by the way. But hey - green hair!'

Flex those muscles right back :)

[jbcbj]

it seems like attention seeking on the part of the parents, really - "look how funky we are, dying ds's hair like this!". not sure what i would do, but ateotd they are your photos that should provide positive memories of the day, not irritation, so your call.

[stillfrazzled]

B&W photos a good idea, but what about the weird green hair following the bride up the aisle?

TBH, I'd say that it's his choice: he can have green hair or be a pageboy. Not both. Obv still welcome at the wedding and everything, but not in an official capacity.

YANBU for almost the first time on a 'bride' thread .

[CrapBag]

I wouldn't be having him as a pageboy. Will look really stupid having green hair. You SIL is an idiot.

[MercurySoccer]

He could use a "wash in, wash out" brown hair dye for the wedding day and go green again the following day.

[DoubleNegativePanda]

YANBU to be unhappy about it and do exactly as you are doing. Myself, I wouldn't have minded a green pageboy. But then, I allowed my little sister with Down Syndrome to dress in a Frodo Baggins costume in my wedding. She confused "ring bearer" with "bearer of the ring" and BANG! I had Frodo in my wedding

Actually, the wedding album is pretty amazing. Big white dress, tuxedos, formal bridesmaids....and one cloaked Hobbit with polished walking staff.

[fedupofnamechanging]

I don't think you can exclude him as that would be mean. Tbh, I don't think this would bother me too much. I would, as suggested, just ask the photographer to be a bit selective.

Given that your SIL does this on a regular basis, it's obviously not a big deal to her, so she doesn't 'get' why you might not like it too. I doubt if she is being deliberately nasty (unless she has form for being so).

I think though, that lots of people will judge her at your wedding as it is not good to dye a child's hair and it is thoughtless to do it before a wedding in which her child is a significant part.

By all means ask to to hold off a week if it bugs you. That would not be U, but if she does it anyway, then just don't include him in all the pics.

Hope you have a lovely wedding.

[PaperView]

NOt bridezilla at all!

[QueentessentialExcel]

Either Green her, or be a page boy.

Does he not want to be a page boy?

Tell them there wont BE a page boy, if he has green hair. Upon careful consideration you have decided that his wish for green hair shall not come in your way on your day, so he will be relieved of his duties.

Problem solved!

Why be a page boy?

Return his clothes, and just dont let him have the honour of being part of the bridal party!

[QueentessentialExcel]

Green HAIR, not green her

[ChaoticAngelQueenofAnarchy]

I agree with Squeaky

I'm surprised he has any hair left if he's dyed his hair so many different colours.

[purits]

OP, whilst you are waiting for your DP to call back I suggest that you fill in your time re-writing the seating plan.

[JeremyKylesPetProject]

Say you insist that they buy a hat for him to wear just for the photos. T'otherwise have a "wardrobe malfunction" at their next big do. "Oh how strange I never realised my nipples were so prominent, tis my own fault for wearing my Baywatch costume to your kids birthday party... :o"

[stillfrazzled]

DNP that is FABULOUS

Also totally different - a really loving gesture after an innocent mistake. Not being stitched up by some stupid power play/desire to be wacky. Yours might be the one wedding album I'd genuinely like to see...

[worraliberty]

FPMSL @ the name change...like loads of kids have green hair at weddings.

[QueentessentialExcel]

FGS, just strip him off his duties, and let him be like any other child guest attending the party.

Be all bright smiles, and compliment his hair.

[AlpinePony]

Yanbu

Keep him out of the 'nice' pics but get some comedy pose ones done too. E.g., everyone in the wedding party doing the edvard munch face. ;) just for fun and so And so as not to fully exclude him. In years to come show them to his girlfriends.

[activate]

Phone back and say that you hope they have the courtesy to wait until after the wedding

[prolificwillybreeder]

YNBU!
I'd be fuming too.
Blooming ridiculous.

[Bridezilla2011]

DP just rang. He has spoken to SIL who insists that it is DNephew's decision as he thinks it will look 'nice' for the wedding . DP told her that we are not happy about it and that as it is our day, he thinks she should respect our wishes and tell DNephew that if he wants his hair dyed, he will have to wait after the wedding. Or, he will only appear in black and white photos!

SIL 'doesnt see what the problem is' as 'he's a child, and thats what children do' . DP told her that it isnt what our children do, nor would we allow it!

So, she's not happy, and nor is DNephew BUT they have agreed not to dye it green.

DP said she had a bit of an attitude with him, and that he is now also in agreement that they are doing this deliberately.

He also rang MIL to see if she knew anything about it and she didnt, but she is also not happy with SIL and is going to ring her herself.

Everything has been fine up until now, so I don't know whats going on, I just hope everything goes ok on the day. And that because we said we didn't want it green, she doesnt now dye it pink!!!

[WorzselMaamage]

DNP

[QueentessentialExcel]

OR boy him a green costume, like <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.no/imgres?imgurl=topuspost.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/st_patricks_day1.jpg&imgrefurl=topuspost.com/2011/03/16/st-patrick%25E2%2580%2599s-day-2011corned-beef-cabbage/&usg=__oPx5Gv0cJUNBA_hKUwnsPqW1ALI=&h=464&w=350&sz=46&hl=no&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=NRsvDIc2R_vb2M:&tbnh=135&tbnw=102&ei=S1nOTeqxA8b5sgaS1cSvCw&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dst%2Bpatrick%2527s%2Bday%26um%3D1%26hl%3Dno%26sa%3DN%26biw%3D1920%26bih%3D912%26tbm%3Disch&um=1&itbs=1&iact=rc&dur=358&page=1&ndsp=73&ved=1t:429,r:25,s:0&tx=66&ty=78" rel="nofollow noindex" target="_blank">www.google.no/imgres?imgurl=topuspost.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/st_patricks_day1.jpg&imgrefurl=topuspost.com/2011/03/16/st-patrick%25E2%2580%2599s-day-2011corned-beef-cabbage/&usg=__oPx5Gv0cJUNBA_hKUwnsPqW1ALI=&h=464&w=350&sz=46&hl=no&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=NRsvDIc2R_vb2M:&tbnh=135&tbnw=102&ei=S1nOTeqxA8b5sgaS1cSvCw&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dst%2Bpatrick%2527s%2Bday%26um%3D1%26hl%3Dno%26sa%3DN%26biw%3D1920%26bih%3D912%26tbm%3Disch&um=1&itbs=1&iact=rc&dur=358&page=1&ndsp=73&ved=1t:429,r:25,s:0&tx=66&ty=78 to match his hair.

Tell your sister in law it is a splendid idea, and you have decided to match his hair by letting him wear a goblin costume for the day!