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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DNephew on Wedding Photos? Or am I being a bridezilla?!

268 replies

Bridezilla2011 · 14/05/2011 10:42

Firstly, I've namechanged as don't want to out myself incase any of the people involved are reading Wink

DP and I are getting married on Friday. DNephew (9) is page boy.

SIL rang this morning and left a voicemail on DP's phone to say that she thought she better warn us that today they are dying DNephew's hair bright green, as that is what he wants. She laughed at the end of the message saying 'sorry in advance about the wedding photos'.

I know she isn't joking. His hair has previously been all manner of colours - purple, pink, red etc.

So AIBU to ask DP to tell his sister that if his hair is bright green, I dont want him on my professional wedding photos? Or am I being a bridezilla?

If IABU, then please be gentle, I'm stressed enough already Grin

OP posts:
MCos · 14/05/2011 13:40

Why not have him in a few photos, and not others?

scarletfingernail · 14/05/2011 13:46

At my wedding we had one of those cliched photos where the photographer was leaning out of an upstairs window and we were all waving merrily up at him. Months later DH and I were flicking through our wedding album and noticed a 16 year old boy relative of mine flicking the V's rather than waving. I was a bit miffed at first that neither the photographer, myself or DH noticed it before it became a permanent part of our wedding album, but now I just find it amusing (5 years later).

Someone earlier in the thread had the best idea I think and that was to not react at all. Not phone SIL and just have a quiet word with the photographer. When SIL gets round to seeing your wedding photos that don't include DN you can explain that you didn't think green hair on the page boy was appropriate for the occasion, but wouldn't have dreamt of pointing this out beforehand as you were surprised she didn't think that herself and in your opinion this was the only way you could ensure your photos weren't ruined.

As she does now know you're not happy and it does seem like this was intended to spite you for some reason be prepared for him to turn up looking wacky in some other way. If that happens ignore it and don't let it spoil your day. Just tell the photographer to leave him out of all/some of the pictures.

Congratulations by the way. Hope you all have a lovely day.

MadamDeathstare · 14/05/2011 13:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 14/05/2011 13:59

DoubleNegativePanda - your wedding sounds amazing, and it's lovely that both you and your sister will have such happy memories of the day.

DoubleNegativePanda · 14/05/2011 14:33

the wedding party

meyself and sisters I really dislike this picture of me, but it's a fab picture of the hobbit.

Now, if my SIL suddenly announced that one of her kids was going to dress like a hobbit, because they just wanted to, I don't believe I would have been so obliging.

DoubleNegativePanda · 14/05/2011 14:34

Oy. I can spell "myself", honestly.

smallwhitecat · 14/05/2011 14:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

trixymalixy · 14/05/2011 14:43

Wow, that's some wedding party you've got there!!! The pictures are great Are you in the US DNP?

I think it's fab having a hobbit as a bridesmaid, so funny!!!

CoffeeIsMyFriend · 14/05/2011 14:47

FFS the boy is 9 years old! What fuckwit does this to their child? And green hair?!

nice. Hmm

I would be on the phone saying "So sorry SIL, but no need for a green haired pageboy"

Is this for real? I suspect another windup...

PiazzaDellaRotonda · 14/05/2011 14:50

Namechange or not - this is such an outrageous tale that I don't think anyone will have any trouble spotting you OP.

Wind-up score? Meh - 6/10

Blu · 14/05/2011 14:50

Wedding Hobbit - brilliant, and it grew out of a wonderful spirit.

Green haired 9 yo - well, it's up to him, and his parents, but it's also up to yu. If you don't want a green-haired pageboy you are not obliged to have ne.

I think weddings ar about the atual event rather than the photos so if it were y wedding and i didn't want a green haired pageboy in the photos i wouldn't want him standing at the alter with green hair, either.

Just when we thought it could get no worse, a new wedding phenomenum: PageZilla!

ChippingIn · 14/05/2011 14:53

Piazza - think, for just one minute - or read the thread where it has already been explained for those who can't think it through for themselves.... the OP knows this is obvious - that is why she didn't use her regular name. Had she used her regular name anyone who recognised this would also be able to read everything else she has posted on MN. This way, if her demented sister in law or anyone else reads this then they will only read this.

Blu · 14/05/2011 14:54

I think DS's primary school would allow green hair - I have seen no rule about it, the only rule is proper T shirts, no crop tops or spaghetti straps (to protect from sun on hot days) and proper shoes, (no mules, backless, or flip flops.)

It is a no uniform state primary.

DoubleNegativePanda · 14/05/2011 14:57

Yes, in the US.

duckdodgers · 14/05/2011 14:57

DoubleNegativePanda - that is truly wonderful and you have made me smile. The happiness shining out of her face is lovely - she looks great, the story of why she dressed like that is so lovely and you are very cool for taking it all in your stride - turning out to what Iit was Im sure a lovely happy celebratory family occasion.

aldiwhore · 14/05/2011 14:57

There's a middle ground here, I have plenty of genuinely ugly family who I didn't particularly want cluttering up my wedding shots, but it would be pretty mean to say 'sorry you aint fit enough for my wedding album'.

Just don't have him in ALL the shots. Include him, because in years to come you will not give a flying fuck how 'sexeh' or 'matching' everyone looks in your wedding shots, and actually seeing him in them, might give you a giggle and rolly eyes, and he may cringe.

I think YABU unless you have a deal with Hello magazine and its in the contract to only have good looking people present. He's your nephew, regardless of hair colour (though his parents sound odd) and shouldn't be left out. I know its 'your' day, but if you're seeking that kind of perfection in the en massé shots you're on a hiding to nothing and actively seeking disappointment.

NoobytheWaspSlayer · 14/05/2011 15:00

DNP - you rock. Your sister looks fabulous!

aldiwhore · 14/05/2011 15:00

I should add that I do not think YABU for thinking your sister is being a bit of a PITA and actively seeking to sabotage events... but there's nowt you can do about that really.

grumpypants · 14/05/2011 15:13

well, before I can pass judgement, I need to know the following:

If his hair has been lots of weird colours before, did you not consider this a possibility when asking him to be page boy?

If you were forced to choose him as pageboy did you not discuss hair and your wedding colour scheme bearing this in mind?

Maybe SIL actually assumed that as you know he has various image changes and yet still asked him, you wouldn't care

Is your colour scheme green and white/cream and he is being helpful?

My wedding photos are spoiled in part by SIL dressing the DNs in tracksuits due to the fact that she was so cross (I am guessing this is the reason, as she mentioned it enough) that we only had two witnesses (not relatives) at the wedding and then a big reception for everyone. I still fume when she shows me pictures of them at other weddings in gorgeous dresses....

TidyDancer · 14/05/2011 15:15

DNP, your sister is my hero! Bloody brilliant! What a lovely family you all are. :)

worraliberty · 14/05/2011 15:18

Thank god someone else thinks this is a wind up Grin

I must admit I don't know of a single school that would allow a pupil to turn up with hair dyed all different colours.

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/05/2011 15:19

It's not just about not wanting a bright green head in the photos, they are just the indelible reminder of how for your entire wedding a 9-year-old was the centre of attention instead of you and your DH. Walking round the tables talking to your guests, what are they likely to say to you? No, it's the worst sort of attention-seeking on the part of your SIL/DN, perfectly prepared to mar an important occassion for you and your DH so flippantly.

Glad to hear your MIL is getting involved too, maybe she can rein in her DD, because she does not sound particularly compliant. It might even be a good idea to enlist her help should your wishes be disregarded on the day - e.g. she could redirect DN to the congregation.

agedknees · 14/05/2011 15:20

Buy him a childs top hat and make him wear it in all the photos.

YANBU.

PiazzaDellaRotonda · 14/05/2011 15:37

Precisely Worra - absolutely bloody precisely! Even the Steiner school wouldn't allow that ffs.

Vallhala · 14/05/2011 16:00

"they have agreed not to dye it green."

That, to me, doesn't bode well. I have visions of the jealous little madam dying her PFB's hair illuminous pink now, just to be a smartarse.

In which case I'd promptly tell her that DN is no longer invited to the wedding if I were you... and that neither is she.

I would be fucked if I'd let her "win" this one, she really has got my goat and sounds like an attention-seeking, PFB, envious overgrown brat.